It has been a year
Since I was in a relationship
Where in I get to feel what you feel
When you are in one

A year has passed
Since I tried this thing called "dating"
Where it is nothing like
Being in a serious relationship

I tried and tried to be that person
Who is into dating but I realized
I am not, I am not that person
I always long for something permanent

Something that is serious
Where in you know what is bound to happen
Where in you feel settled inside of you
That this person is here to stay

However, a year has gone by
Yet, all of the people I have met or most of them
Would only long for other things
Either they are not ready or just not into it

This gave me the thought
That I was not lovable
That I was not enough
That I was not worth it

I guess you can say
That a year has gone by
That I have been shot down a couple of times
Getting my heart broken over and over

But I told myself to stop looking
And let love find me instead
Because that is how love should happen
It should surprise you when you least expect

So, here is to another year
Hoping not full with heart breaks
But heart mending
And bountiful joy, instead.

For all the things that happened in the past
It left me, for once, terrified
Of the idea of love
Yes, love.

It is something that almost everyone is scared of
But I was never terrified of it
Until now....
Things do really change

I am terrified that I would always be let down
Terrified that I would never be good enough
Terrified that I would never fine it again
In totality, I am terrified

Love is really not something to be afraid of
It is something to cherish
To enjoy and to be thankful for
But, sometimes, something breaks the idea for you

However, I still keep a positive thought
Of the idea of love
I know one day I won't be terrified again
I would embrace it again with no hesitations

Finally, a new year has finally arrived.
Bidding 2015 goodbye and 2016 hello.
But before I can fully welcome the new year
I must go over and reminisce
What 2015 had given to me.

So, 2015, thank you.
Thank you for all the ups and the downs
For the happiness and the sadness
For the good and the bad
For the realizations and the lessons
For the pain and the stress
For one hell of a roller coaster ride this year had been

You are one of the toughest years I faced
Yet, I am so thankful
For it made me who I am now
Someone who is ready to brace 2016 hello.
A lot had happened within the 365 days
But it proved to me that I am capable
Capable of enduring all of these
So, thank you, 2015.
You were awesome
But it is time for me to let you go now.
However, do not fret for I hold what you taught me.
This would be my key for a better "me"
And for another great year

I know it would be
I can feel it...

2015, adieu.

Hello there.
Can I say that I miss you terribly?
I am a thousand of miles away from you
Yet you manage to stay on my mind...

I am not complaining
It just breaks my heart everyday
But I want you to stay
Even if it remains this way.

I don't know what we are
Where we are
or what you even see me as
But I miss you

I cannot express it enough
But I hope you see that I really do
Day and night
I think about you

I miss you
I'm sorry I cannot say it to you explicitly
I'm just scared
But I do, I do.

With every twist and turn
That my mind makes
It seems that it always aches
Aches the idea of you, yes, you

I want to tell you everything I know
I want to expose myself
Be vulnerable
Be open

I long the day my mind no longer aches
Because I am no longer confused
The day that I finally know
That you are feeling the same way too

For now, I guess, I'll bear the pain
Keeping my mind twisting and turning
Until I know for sure
You are ready for what is bound to be

What you do not know is that you are the reason for both my happiness and sadness
I always shed a smile or a laugh whenever I am with you or just by seeing you smile
However, you do not know anything about what I feel for you which brings me my great sorrows
You see, this is why I know it is real because you are both my sunshine and my hurricane.

I wish I could tell you these feelings deep inside me that wants to be set free
But I cannot set them free for great consequences faces me
A risk that I am not willing to take because you are that important to me
That I am willing to be hurt rather than lose what we already share so fondly

Unrequited love as you want to call it because I know you will never see me the same way
These feelings I have for you, you will never feel the same for me
Maybe this friendship would be enough for me to treasure
At least in that way, I know I matter.

Nonetheless, you still make me smile just by smiling your goofy smile.
You make me laugh through your jokes despite them being so corny.
You see, you shine so bright in my world than you could ever imagine.
I wish you knew... I wish I have the courage to tell you but I can't...
and, sadly, you are oblivious as well to see.

I have felt a deep attraction to you
That you might not notice
Because when we are together
It just seems each other's company
Was... Very comfortable

Everything seems right when we are together
That I forget my problems even for a little while
But when you are gone...
I realize that I am having problems because you do not know

You do not know what I am feeling for you
You are completely naive of these feelings I have
That telling you would be a risk I am not willing to take
Because I do not want to lose what we have
This relationship we share

Maybe it is wrong that I fell for you
Because you are one of the best friends I have and treasure dearly
But I told myself no more what ifs
But I also cannot risk getting hurt again
Should I keep on going or should I put this to a stop

I need answers
I need signs
I need something to tell me what I should do
With what I am facing right now
Because I could only do so much...