trust
reliance
shoved down my throat
while I gag
eyes are tearing up
each water droplet filled
with lies I found out months later
smells like onions
makes me sick
and I cant breathe
I spit it back up
tastes like cow tongue
makes its way up to my head
pandering on the meaning
on its depth
as it kills my brain cells
I cant stand it
it doesn't make sense
a contradiction of actions versus words
calumny
I took medication to redress the monster from
my mind
its floating in my cheeks
I am not flustered
don't be fooled
more like filled with animosity
of a fictional belief that we all should lay bare
I refuse to swallow what is held inside me
what you forced me to postulate
I wont let it sink into my heart
I spit it out
while we kiss
its now with you
and I've never been so illustrious to do something
such sweet revenge
I hope you choke on it

i thought the braces would have stopped those people from talking
i thought starving myself would have made me feel good
i thought ripping open my veins would take away all of the pain
i thought boyfriends were supposed to compliment you
i thought my parents would be proud of me

maybe one day when my hair falls perfectly and my thighs don't touch
i won't think as much

In the mist of moonlight fog glaze,
I see the red shine sun like jewel ablaze.

Kept near to her locked up chest,
And protected in her jade oyster shell.

From afar in quiet hush I gaze,
And in sudden move like a **** of spell dissipate into different phase.

Wonder and ponder the curiosity of the magnificent chest,
But further in trance of wanting to know this gem hidden in her shell.

Every action to come closer from distant felt more like a maze,
And falling ever closer to a near dreaming daze.

I always wanted to see what this light she kept so near her chest,
But I knew I would never see her hidden gem in her shell,
Because ladies keep their truest heart locked and hidden for no one.

I want you*

Alas, the obstacles outweigh the need

        
                                              *Sorry

I used to date a guy
Who ****** a lot of people out of a lot of things,
Who pretended to be an alcoholic
Just because he was lonely
And the AA people
Had voices that spoke to him,
Voices that weren't in his head.

In Alcoholics Anonymous,
They have a saying that
"Fear" only stands for
"**** Everything And Run."
This is a saying
I wish that I knew
When all those tacky neckties were holding me back.

So it's needless to say
That I didn't have the wise words
Of AA on my mind
As I studied the Big Book on my own.
Instead I marched into his mind
And flushed his month's "sobriety" token
Down his mental *******.

Because sobriety doesn't mean  
Stealing a bottle of wine from Jewel
And finishing it off yourself.

And I was used to getting lied to,
But I felt bad for those poor AA guys,
Listening to his ramblings on a girl
Who loved him
And wanted him to change
When in reality
She just wanted the lies to stop.

They should have given that sobriety token
To a man who earned it.

Give your tokens
To those who deserve them.
Do not put your pennies in a piggy bank
That only siphons down a gutter
In the end.

She looked at her blades,
Than looked at her wrist...
She missed that feeling,
But her scars were healing.
She wanted to stay strong,
But i's  been so long...
She put the blade on her wrist,
And than made her hands into a fists...
She dropped the blade,
And began to cry..
She couldn't believe how long it's been,
Since she felt those blades cutting her self.....
She should be so proud,
But voices in her head got so loud...
She sat there in pain,
Because she knew she was  going insane!!!

Sometimes when I'm looking for something
I don't know what I'm really looking for
But when I'm done looking
I end up with something
That either brings a tear or a smile.