People that don't self harm
Don't seem to understand it.
But I don't expect them to.

First, it hurts, A LOT.
It hurts when you first do it
And it hurts the next day.
It hurts when your long sleeves rub against it
And it hurts when you look at what you did.

Next, cuts bleed, A LOT.
At first they don't bleed,
You start cutting deeper,
Then they bleed, a lot.
It doesn't stop bleeding.

Please don't tell me to just stop.
I can't just stop.
It's so addicting.
Even though I want to stop,
I can't.

It starts out as you control it,
But then it ends up controlling you.
You want to wear short sleeves?
Think again, you can't.
You want to go swimming with friends?
Oh yeah, they'll probably think you're crazy.

Every time you do it one more time,
It becomes more and more addicting.
Just one more you think, but no.
This is the last time, but it's not.
You can't just stop.

I don't mean to hurt the people around me.
In that moment, all I can think about is
Hurting myself.
I'm sorry for hurting everyone else
While I'm hurting myself.

never knew all this time
your curiosity for me
was just as much as mine was for you
when the lights are off
and the doors are closed
you're in my fantasies
we're in your car
you are aggressive in them
i knew it could never happen
until you said that
in your condo to me
you're out of state
where are you
now that you want me
i need you so bad
i'm a *****
for wanting the boy that someone has claimed
but the boy doesn't claim them
the secret affair has begun
never to leave the bed
our lips will be sealed
and our tongues will be at war
and our hands will explore
every part of each other's bodies
and you'll bite my neck
just like i've been waiting for

Some things remained close because they were never meant to be open,
not all is starlights, high tides and bright nights in each moment
but it is not to say that they won't appear or have appeared before you
the exit sign is still lit, your smile is cracking but the glue is before you,
I know I have said it many times before, how I urged you to stay strong,
to listen to a song, to meet people and get along but I was wrong...
sometimes staying strong isn't enough to keep you smiling or happy
and something is always lacking, so please listen to me;
you will make it, because bending and not breaking is your style,
and teddy, that smile, will arise before you as the way it has before
so you can choose the exit door or just hold on a little longer.
stand a little stronger, build yourself firmer, because you won't break,
there's a space filled with opportunities, chances, so without haste,
what is your sign? Is it a Leo, Capricorn or cancer? What's the answer?
It doesn't really matter, because signs don't define you, they define route
and the news that you aren't happy with the you, the you that you are,
is like lighting a burning star on fire just to wish of it from afar.
Take your signs, the exit one is still lit but so is the building
because you are not crumbling, not while I am here, friend.

Take a minute off your mind and don't mind the minute details,
they're like emails, trash boxed and binned, forever stuck in junk.
I know it's not about fun, it's heart and soul, tears and sweat
each moment could be a laughter packed with imminent regret
but you better not forget that I am your friend and I have hope
that you know what is the better road to take, the path to make,
the sea escapes my eyes like a wave clasping onto the shores
and before you, I see a strong piece of solid gold amidst the waves
never changing shades, always floating on as the sun overcasts a light,
and it reminds me that maybe that is enough to see in humanity
the flicker of light, a spectre of sight, a tiny bit of 'I'm probably not right-
but I don't really care', and to be fair, that's all is required.
Take the path that you wish to tread because what is walking a thousand miles for someone worth, when you're walking alone?

word scrambled,
like poorly mixed eggs,
trying to follow a recipe
to fit my words together
but im a not a chef
i call myself a poet
but poetry gets hard
when you're trying to cook

I never could stand cigarettes
That was just the way it went
But now they remind me of your lips and
I think I love their scent

"To watch the water of the open ocean dance as it bathes in sunlight, there is not a more calming sight."

I miss writing,
Writing the happy poems,
the ones before my mind left me.

The ones about fantasy,
about the me I desired to become.

All those have left this brain of mine,
The reality forbids I cross this threshold.
I know the truth in all, crushing the dreams I once had.

I am no longer confused, just curious.
I know not what I should.

I have lost myself,
and can never be found.
*To this realm I am eternally bound.