How to describe this feeling ?
What name does it go by?
Does it even have a name?

The answers to my questions
Remain unanswered
But with absolute certainty I can tell you this

I never want to let this feeling go
I'm on this insane rollercoaster of happiness
And I never want to not have this feeling

Cloud 9 seems like childs play
Sky high is where I'm at
It's like being in love only a thousand times better

The sun and the stars are all in one frame
Both shining at their brightest
Someone tell me what this feeling is !

I take that back.
No one tell me.
No one utter a word.

For if I was to categorise this feeling
It would be sure to escape me
No one tell me.

Let me drown in this moment
In this feeling that is like no other
Allow me this one pleasure.

No need to name the feeling.
Just watch on by as I sink in it.
Grant me this one request.

We talked everyday,
Like clockwork,
Then something changed.
I could feel it,
But I wasn't sure
What was different.
I know that I'm not
The only person they talk to.
We have different lives,
Different friends.
I stay home all day,
I know they have plans.
But I look forward to every message,
To smiling at my phone
Because of something that was said.
I love our conversations
That aren't really about anything,
But now we barely talk
And it kinda *****.
There's a pit in my stomach
And a voice in my head
Saying maybe they don't like me
As much as I thought,
Maybe there's someone better.
But I hope they're just busy
Because they really mean a lot.
And they know about my feelings,
Claimed they were mutual,
But we should just be friends,
At least for now.
And of course
I said ok,
Though I want nothing more
Then to be theirs.
But now we don't talk
As often as we did
And sometimes I wish
That I hadn't agreed so quickly.
Because talking to them
Makes my whole day.
But without even a hello,
The days go on
And on
For what seems like forever.
All because I'm waiting
For a message
That probably won't come.

I use to dream of us
Because it was all so possible
All you had to do is notice me
Because then we would fall in love

We could have our first date
Our first kiss
I planned our wedding
Every detail
From the colour of my suit
To match your eyes
To the colour of the napkins
Light blue
Same as your eyes

I dreamt about you at the beach
Your blond hair moving with the wind
Your face as you looked out at the ocean
The face of curiosity
The way your eyes brows move closer
When you wonder
I dreamt about you at home
Laying in the couch watching TV
Your smile shining bright as you laugh
Your in your comfy clothes that only I see
I dreamt about going on date
Your eyes filled with worry
The blue like liquid topaz

Your eyes are my favourite colour
Blue
The only time I’ve ever seen anything like them
was the sky in Australia
When there were no clouds
Not one and the sun was behind me
Just blue sky for miles
the perfect blue
I laid down and stared
Wishing for things untold
Making me feel loved

If only you had noticed me
If only I have said something
Then he was gone
He didn’t even know
He left his biggest love
Dreaming of what would of been

Men write ****** odes
Which is only a painful reminder
That men have no clue
How to turn women on

requited love

the heart pounds
its engines and its seas -
mend and free.


unrequited love

in the wild and
desolate sea we drown
our hearts full
of sorrow.

do you care?

what i do
far away
far from you

do you fret?

over these
things I do
things unlike you

do you anger?

over that
which is said
unlike yours

do you sleep?

sounder still
knowing all
must be like you

would you take?

that which makes
me from you
to call me ******

would you condemn?

everything
not endorsed
by a silly book

that you barely knew

beyond. . .
what you wanted to

beyond. . .
what is just, like, you

Every morning I get on the "crazy bus".
Its destination?   Nowhere.

Yet, I continue to get on board.

My body and my spirit bruised from the bumps on the road it travels.
It takes the most treacherous route.
A journey I can not navigate.

The bus is large. It carries many passengers. Some I recognize and know well but others are strangers to me.

This bus doesn't run on gasoline or diesel-it is fueled by alcohol. The bus almost always has a full tank.

Some days I vow to just let the bus pass me by....
But, I see you hanging from it's window, beckoning me, calling to me, hollering for me not to let you ride the bus alone.

"Don't you love me enough to take the ride with me?"

You're afraid, You're lonely, You're sorry so I climb aboard and it's packed. It's standing room only so I'm left to hang on by a mere strap.

A strap that once was very strong and thick but now has become frayed and quite thin. When I have the courage to examine it closely I can see it's about to give and break. The seams have all but come apart. I know with certainty it will not be able to take too much more pressure until it pulls away completely.

I am hanging on for dear life.


Looking around I recognize some of the passengers.
Your mom is there.
Your dad is there.
Linda, Donna, Elizabeth, Kirk, Tom, Andrea, Emerito are all there but its the ones I don't know that I fear the most.

I have no idea who they are or how they got on the bus but I am frightened by them.
They pack the front aisles so tight that it makes getting off the bus **** near impossible.
They may scare me but you know them all too well.  
They are dark thoughts, insecurities, past hurts and jealousies. They are your companions and just like me they ride the bus with you.

Lately, I have been examining myself, reflecting on my bruises and my scars. Black & Blue.
My mind is BLACK from trying desperately to block out the hurtful things you say and do. My heart is BLUE from trying so hard to love you through your pain.

I'm getting off the bus.
There is an emergency exit at the back that I've chosen to ignore.  I'm going to try with all my strength to push through and land on solid ground.

I don't know what stop is yours....I can only hope that you get off safely before the bus crashes.