i want to walk away from people,
to go to places, to pick up pebbles
to do the things
i wanna do,
i wanna learn,
i wanna achieve

i don't blame anyone but myself
for the things I have felt
throughout my life,
everyday,
every regret,
every dismay

all these what ifs
kept me puzzled overtime
kept me awake until my eyes droop
the next morning,
the next struggle,
the next challenge

i have never tasted rest
since it started to grow in me
it's a never ending battle
between mind and body,
wants and needs
aspirations and responsibilities
me versus me

though I thought I would convey
all these feelings I wanted to say
in my heart it should just stay
asides from being thrown away

days, months, years passed by
I didn't get to say goodbye
to these feelings i wanted to fly
but all I did was shed tears and cry

no matter what I do to let it go
you wouldn't even bother to know
that every time I see you, my heart would grow,
but you're always as cold as snow

I am waiting for the perfect time
that I am ready to give it to you like a dime
wholeheartedly confessing my crime
of loving you 'til the end of time

saw myself walking around campus
contemplating about life, about me
it's not just the good things i need to focus
but also those that caused my plea

there are things, circumstances
which I cannot control
those of which triggers those chances
of getting myself into a brawl

yes, i'm always in a fight
a fight with myself, my mind
all the silent cries i have to experience every night
really felt like a daily grind

for other people,
they always thought I'm happy
but the truth is I'm in trouble
for pretending and being carefree

currently in a battle with a dream
I have not expected to be this hard,
to be this complicated & mind-wrecking
until I realized, I'm trapped

trapped inside a prison cell
fighting for glory without strength, without drive
I'm beginning to feel my flesh, my soul
gradually turning black, burning down

this is not what I wanted, what I wished for
maybe this is not for me
i'm failing, falling too many times,
too tired to get up again and again

years passed, this is the last
I wonder if I am to escape atlast
before the time ticks too fast,
that I'll perish into bones and pass

were there times when you feel so worthless?
when you feel so bad about yourself then suddenly you thought,
that you were everyone's villain?

were there times you feel so down
you thought everyone's talking about you,
about how vulnerable you are
at that moment?

were there times you wished you were somebody else,
somebody you always wanted to be,
always inside your walls
that won't break down built from confidence?

were there times that you wan't to be a superhuman
that of which can read one's thoughts
thoughts and insights about you,
and how you were in other people's view?

most of the time,
i want to know thy self,
make some spare time,
so that I can fix myself
it won't hurt, right?
they wouldn't mind, right?