She always tied her shoelaces
With a grace
That she will always
Remember.

But she was sure
To put her socks on
Just the way her mother did:
Neat and tidy.

An unsettling discomfort consumes her,
Knowing the feeling is never the same unless she does it.

So she is left at the bottom of the staircase,
Doing it herself.

She always caught
Opportunity and shoved it
In her pocket.
She was an optimist
And loved it.

But she was sure to
Read the fine print
Just as her father always did:
For errors and loops.

It's either triumph or pure hatred
That consumers her,
Knowing that she has packed her bags
And left that world behind
To create one of her own.

It was too dark over there,
Yet it hadn't always been that way.
She remembered the sunny days,
Those were the most lethal.
Those were the days that would
Haunt her dreams...
Haunt her reality.

The glow of day would be the shadows
That rip her apart.
Because it's only memory that she continues
To live for.

She fell deep into the world
And when it ****** her right out,
She was left grasping for air that
Didn't think the way she did:
Deserving and earned.

It was bliss that consumed her
Once she realized
She didn't have to fight
No more.

Rip me apart.
Rip me wide open.
Take these bones
And pulverize them.
Please.

I dare you to take me
For all that I am.
Change me into something
So I'll be damed.
Maybe you'll break me
With nothing left to see
Make it start so this could be over
Because just maybe I'll leave a warrior

Snow
Settles on
My aching
Breaking
Heart.

I'm stuck
In a world
And inside a time
That's long
Gone.

I see
The map
Of the world
I keep looking
Home.

I think
This compass
Broke-
I have nowhere
Else to go.

If I could sail
The Mediterranean Sea
Maybe I could find myself
In Pari for free

Wherever I go,
Will I go
With my whole heart.

Im still stuck in
Small town New York.

The anger relishes in my blood,
i'm heating up like
an exploding volcano.

You throw these sticks and stones
at my bones
pushing me further day by day.

You've got this gene
that I can't fix.
You're using all the wrong medicines.

How hard is it to listen to me?
I'm screaming, "You're hurting me."

The plates of these mountains
fall apart
with every tipsy step you take.
The man is trying to find
his worth in you,
the kids are screaming...
you're not awake.

You heart is a ticking time bomb.
You're using all the wrong medicine's.

It's 12:23 am and my sister comes knocking on my door.
At first I couldn't hear a thing
The fear through her eyes was so loud, it muted the world.
Logic sinked into my brain to listen
And I wish I hadn't.
"Mom's not waking up!" She cries.
Over
And over
Over
And over.

My feet are on the floor, pushing me out of the room.
I'm blinded by the lights-
The sudden wake.
I'm deafened by my fathers shouts,
"Gabe, wake up!"

Within seconds I'm beside him.

Speech has been slipped from me, but he looks into my eyes.
"She's not waking up."

No matter how many times I'm going to hear it tonight
I won't believe it.
"Help me," he says.
And I push him aside.

He shouldn't be here.
He shouldn't see this.

I kneel down to the bed
Her eyes closed
Mouth agape.
Pale.

She looks dead.
I was convinced she was dead.

Now I'm angry.
Who does she think she is?
I told her to stop,
"Mom, stop. This drinking problem you have needs to stop."
It never did.
She never listened.
Now look what she has done.

I slap her.
Right across the face.
I shout for mom, searching for it in her face.
Looking for the qualities
That make her the one who conceived me.
I find nothing.

And I slap her again.

My sister is in the corner of the room
With my brother,
All older than me.
All crying.
My father is beside me trying to keep his rock but
Even the most innocent plates inevitably reach an earthquake.

My other brother comes running upstairs
Dauntless as he thinks he is.
The ambulance is on its way.

She's leaving.

I slap her again.

Seconds later I'm pushed aside.
Help is here.
Then their in the room-
Touching her
Inserting her with unfathomable things.

Then one man lifts her hand
Right over her face,
As if it were a feather and he lets go.
But feathers are graceful and beautiful
My mothers hand
The one that now has lost the touch to ever gain back comfort on me again, drops like a brick.
A brick full of all her lies and all her pathetic ruthlessness, falls on her face.

They take her out of the room, still unconscious.
That was the last time I ever saw my mother,
Even though she's still alive and with me today.