hell is dreaming about you, and waking up in someone else's bed

Despite the heart which is froze
Hatred runs fluidly
Like the water in shattered glass
Like the blood in broken bones
Like the flames in our homes    
This hatred
It speaks to me
Like drugs to an addict

When it tells me to shoot
                                         I relapse and
                                       aim for the sky

I said..
In spite of my own humility
Hatred runs deeply
Like the roots beneath the dirt
Like the pain beyond the hurt
Like this poem before your eyes

I despise 
                Way too many lies
                And so little truth  

I said..
I hate beautiful  
It cripples me deeply  
For you are my pity
My pain and their pleasure

When I am high
                           I'll collapse and fall
                        Far from this place
                        Of rotten bliss

I said..
Look at me        
Blood misrepresents me    
For I am cut differently
This pain isn't felt
Like the emptiness
Residing in your cup
It is felt
Like a toxic
Living inside the gut
Like these words
Traveling directly
Towards the stomach

I mean..
             Although this addiction kills me
           Hatred is also the remedy
          It is all I need to truly appreciate
          The little love I have left.

The days roll by
Time goes almost too slowly
I can't get you out of my head

I miss him.
I know that's a common sentence.
But I really do.
His scent.
His eyes.
His heartbeat.
His warmth.
His hands on my body.
His smile.
It's hard for me to think of him now.
How he's become one with earth.
And how I'll never be able to see him as one again.
Only as the little pieces I remember him as.

Him,
His eyes
His hair
His smell
His taste
His touch
His feel
And to just think it's all mine, at last

"stop missing him,"*
i whisper to myself
as i try to wash
your name
out of my mouth;
bathe my body
from your touch
and cleanse my soul
from your love.