i do not understand
how people can write poems upon poems upon poems
talking about romance
two people
in love

how could they give so much of their affection,
their attention,
their love to other people

when i can't even find the courage to say the words
"i love myself"

Sorry about last week
That wasn't meant for you
Tar escapes from between my teeth and lands at unsuspecting feet
It's a slow drip, you understand?
That wasn't meant for you,
It just took so long to come out-
you happened to be there
Passing a car wreck on the turnpike-
You're the wreck and I am doubling the speed limit to his house

A note was sent:
"Wait on the corner of Sumac and Freeland."
I had hoped to be intercepted,
Perhaps my tar would drown the intended instead of the incidental-
But upon receiving my note,
He placed it in his shoebox labeled "demons from the past"
He was not there waiting for me,
And so the grandest "I love you" I could muster, has stained the wrong shoes

Here I am on top a hill the water closing fast
I hope I learn how to swim or else my life won't last

The water now has eaten me I'm in the deep dark blue.

Now I really have to wish
That like a bird I flew

But now I'm covered by a blanket of blue surrounded by those I love

But being with them I'm still not happy
Done is my life above

So as I sink further down I open my eyes to see
But the water around slightly stings my eyes
that are in that sea

I'm stuck down here below the surface the water squeezing in

So as I know my life will end
As I think of all my sin

Of all the sinful acts and dreams I have thought and done

I realize I'm such a fool for not believing Noah

He is the one who could have saved me
Buinside
Despair is swimming
Lurking near laughing at me
no hope I see
Only in a matter of time my life will no longer be

So as I take my dying breath a pain I will imbibe

The pain of water filling my lungs and the pain of my grief inside

viridescent vines
cloud my view
of the horizon awaiting me

i'm making my way through
a victorian garden
the fragrance of the many flowers
puts me under a spell

i fall down a winding spiral
and plummet deep in to my heart
it is dark,
within each beat silence reverberates

i'm drinking rosehip tea
it's so pink
rose petals float on top
steam rises to kiss my lips

should i continue to repeat the same mistake?
or take the road less travelled by my heart?
i'll have to venture beyond my habitual vices
i'll have to step out beyond the known

stick my thumb out into the galaxy
catch a ride to my next divine destination
i'll laugh every step of the way
and be okay with the oblivion that saturates my mind
i'll learn to live through my heart,
whole and complete,
spreading love.

Rotting skin,
Rotting flesh,
Rotting eyes,
Scent of death,
Rotting face,
Rotting bones,
Unknown corpse,
Blank tombstone,
Time forgets,
Life moves on,
Forgetting those,
Who are now gone.

Pull back the covers,
Turn off the lights,
Close your eyes
Don't make a fuss.
Let the night take you,
Leave your body behind,
Take a deep breath...

Now open your eyes.

Do you see anything?
Can you feel?
Are you alone?

Look around, take a second
Let the darkness set.
There is something there,
Far off in the distance...
Is it a person or a thing?

I can't walk closer,
I can't seem to move...
I'm stuck where I am...

Is it my fault?
Am I the one to blame?
I'm left here alone,
No one can hear my screams...
I beg for help, mercy, salvation...


No one comes looking for me,
Does anyone miss me?
Will anyone remember me?

The darkness gets deeper,
I can't see in front of me.
I can't feel my limbs,
Its getting hard to breathe.

Maybe if I close my eyes,
Stand still....
It'll be over soon.

There's nothing left,
I am no more...

Did I ever exist?
Was this ever real?

She wakes up each morning
Looks in the mirror
…
She puts an oversized hoodie over

Straightens her hair
Like every other girl in her school
Oh no
She burns her finger

Covers her imperfections
With powders
That suffocate her skin

Coats her eyelashes
With sticky black goop
That crusts when it dries

Her mother calls her down for breakfast
“I’m not hungry”
She says
She hasn’t been hungry for two weeks

You know what they say
Beauty is pain

She goes to school
Why is everyone else so skinny?
And beautiful?
And perfect?
She wishes she were them

But what she doesn’t know
Is that
Those skinny, beautiful, perfect girls
Wishes they were her

Spring

is it finally here
with its softly pleasant ways

Spring

with blossoming cherries
and balmy days

Spring

breezes calm and fragrant
with petals replacing snow

Spring

blue sky, warm earth
where many colors grow

I'm ready for all of this
but Summer take your time

Sometimes you get
carried away
and create too hot a clime