"Who wants me anyway?" is the question I ask.
No one answers.
No one is listening.

"Who wants me anyway?" is the question she asks.
I answer, "Me."
No one is listening.

If it were easy,
To change,
We would have changed,
I would have changed,
Already.

But, no,
Changing,
Is a process,
An evolution,
Where bravery,
Is the main priority.

A pillar,
Is vital,
Upon aiding,
The recovery.

Fear,
Is the reason I run,
Excuses,
Leading to procrastination,
Hence,
A push is what I need.

Thus,
Please,
Help me.

-nuraishahazman-

You think your better then me
Really your just a bully
I am a human as well
But you don't see that
You call me names
Take my food and
Kick me
So you should be punished for that
But if I did punish you
That would mean
I am no better then you!

Look at me like I'm nothing so that I show you more respect
You want me? then show me just a little more neglect
Forgive me- I want the worst of you
When you try and give me the best
I fell in love with a man who treated me like the rest
Question my validity
Like they did
Question my abilities
I'm just a little kid
Question my behavior
It's so out of line
Question how much I accomplish
In a certain amount of time
Question my foundation as it crumbles to the floor
Question your instincts
Do you even like me anymore?
Look at my fat
And turn away during ***
Ask me if I want food
I'll politely reject
Yell at me when I stutter
Correct me when I'm dumb
Make me feel like I'm drowning at the bottom of the ocean with water filling up my lungs
Cuz that's what they've done
And now this is who I am
A person who can't distinguish
Love from a demand
So I don't want to take your hand
It's too kind, too foreign
Point out my flaws
Or I'll keep on exploring

why can't my heart just be there
ready for a new pair of eyes
to stare at me while i make love
to a not so familiar guy

why can't my heart let go
why can't it just PICK UP and go
i'd follow it anywhere
but here i am, giving it a tow!

cuz it won't move.

my heart is a complacent creature
doesn't it know that change is the most
amazing and exciting feature

of life????

but no, my heart has to make life harder
and decide that it wants to feel like i'm not making a smarter
decision than it

heart- i know what's best
he wasn't the one for you
and even if he was, you deserve a rest!

you're just torturing us!
you gained like 500 pounds
i'd rather be pregnant for months on end
than carry your weight around

and i don't understand!
why can't you just be strong?
why should i have to pull you along?
you're supposed to sing MY song

you're supposed to feel how i want to feel
you're supposed to follow my act
but you're being selfish and immature
this is not how we decided to react!

so fine. I'm about to leave you on the road
i'm about to carve you out of my body
and I won't hear you screaming sorry!

because it'll be too late
i'll be numb
i won't feel a thing

i won't feel the hurt
i won't feel the sting

i won't feel a thing

i won't feel the breeze
no more emotion to bring me down on my knees

no more worry, life will be fun
cuz they'll be no more anything
i'll just be numb.

go badger someone else
i'm sure they'll take you in
you're great at manipulation
making us crazy from within

but I'm not taking it anymore
i'm taking a stand
instead i'll just go numb
when someone holds my hand

Everyone is born
chained
to their own
personal mountain
of despair.

For, in suffering,
we learn
compassion.
We learn
gratitude.
We learn
to cope.

We are catapulted
from our comfortable
homes,
and into the pit
where we learn
the meaning
of
breathing.