03.09.2013
i've gone to bed around 7 today. the feeling of being awake without you is becoming unbearable. i still don't understand why you left. i never got any explanation. i miss you. everything is so cold. i think i want to die.

31.10.2013
i tried using ***** to make someone's lips taste like yours. but when i kissed them it felt like i was pouring my blood into a bottomless vase and everyone could see how i was failing miserably at trying to fill an empty well with a handful of water.

14.11.2013
i barely leave the house because i'm afraid that i might see you with him. you always look so happy. why do you look so happy without me. you said you loved me.

22.12.2013
i tried turning my sadness into a corpse of words and the burying it in 6 feet of blank pages, but every night i am visited by the ghost of the feelings i attempted to forget.

03.01.2014
it's been so long since i've had alcohol in my system. i've become numb enough to no longer need substances to make me forget whatever is happening around me. the pain has faded over time, but i still don't feel any less dead, let alone alive.

10.02.2014
my parents keep asking me why i'm always so quiet. thing is that i could never answer them, because your name is constantly clogging my throat. i see you in everything around me and late-night breezes have started to sound like lost echoes of your voice. your smell is still clinging to my sheets. god, help me.

15.03.2014
i'm drunk again. i miss you and everything hurts. i couldn't resist. i'm sorry i'm so sorry i'm so so sorry i love you i miss you please come back i love you i love y

Creeping through the darkness
Fog fills my lungs and blurs my sight
My gaze sets on a blazing beast
Eyes cut through me like a sharpened knife
I tried to cast my hypnotic spell
Until his antlers pinned me down
Tore open my bleached skin and stained me wine
By dusk my head was dizzy and light
My vision doubled so I closed my eyes
My palms reached for my wounded limbs
Feeling empty that the pain had disappeared
One night is all he took under the almond tree
Then the Blazing Beast abandoned me

Her eyes shone bright
Oh how her smile lit up the night
She ignited your blood
And made your bones shiver

Her kisses intoxicated you
Her touch electrified your skin
She took you places you’ve never been before
You started to believe in love

Then the days grew dark
The nights turned cold
She said, “It was never you.”
“I rather be alone.”

Days passed
Months went by
She was gone
She took your heart with her

Her spirit always ran free
She was nothing but a comet in the sky
She never stayed long
But her presence always stayed by your side

Rainbow parking lot oil stains
After the rain
staring at the washed asphalt
and my fingers go numb
wondering how the hell
and why so sad
another long drag
so much for
trying not to be bitter