certain pieces of me
still want you by my side
still want to hear the sound of your voice
but they're like fallen leaves in autumn
while the wind that blows and scatters them
are the pieces of me
that never want to see you
and never want to talk to you
ever again

every night
riding home
I see a bright light
on the hill
near the park
where we used
to waste our days
I'm reminded of
your crystal eyes
shining alone
in an empty sea
of darkness
it makes me want
to vanish
into the nothing
from which we came
every night
riding home
I see a bright light
on the hill
near my heart
and I'm completely spent
the moment it
appears

I put on my dress and smooth the creases under my eyes.
It just falls right, falls right on the curves of my hips
And hides the shadows between this rib caged heart.
For that moment, it reminds me less of myself
And more of you.

You aren't easy to love,
but see, I'm trying.

You aren't easy to love,
but see, I'm giving.

Everything about you is so **** hard!
but see, I'm forgiving..

Your eyes were too innocent,
For me to see,
That you were planning on
Bringing me to my breaking point,
I wasn't prepared for your little show,
Deafened by your smile,

For back then,
I couldn't see the hell in your hello.

If only I had the syllables to confess,
My heart and soul to you.
A thousand words wouldn't be enough,
To expose myself unto you.

Never before had I been beguiled,
By something so extraordinary.
Like a ray of sunshine; bewildered by the light,
Longing to touch it's gentle warmth.

And it was like the world was one dim place,
Filled with pretension and evil,
*Before I met you.

Depression suffocates it's victims.

It engulfs their thoughts with nothing less
than the repetitive deafening drumming
that have been put on display through the
art work on my wrists.

'Oh no it's my cat, he's a scratcher'.

They look at me with pity in their eyes.
Stop it.
Stop looking down at me like a lost girl who needs guidance,
like a stupid girl who needs to pop a pill to make her smile.

I'm no clown,

I don't feel the need to draw on a smile.
As if I'd believe my own pathetic excuses.
But do you truly realise what agony my own soul is feeling?
Do you know I open my skin up to release my demons?
Do you know I cry to cleanse my body of the holy water I surely do not deserve.

Skin and bones.
Scarred and fragile.

I sit in a room full of boisterous people
still feeling like part of the wallpaper.
Still feeling like the transparent vase amidst the
decorated clay pots.
The colour of my life has been stripped back to the bare
blacks and whites.