i wrote you a letter
and now i stare at
it, terrified to let
it go, untrusting
of the mailman of,
the planes, of the
weather, of releasing
control

i have all these
chains. i wish you
could see me slowly
sawing away. one
day, love, i'll stand
on my feet

you said I'll be your first and last

and you end up being my forever first,

and I'm never your last.

I have taken back my life
so much that the flowers have died
they lay lifeless on the counter
the same way i did as they bloomed

Is it selfish
that I really don't mind
the way they droop

The longing they carry
or the dark discolouration of petals
holding the open hands
outstretched by life itself

Goodbye flowers
it's been real

Lousy with life
warm with haze
on walls, idols hang without any names

Dull with growth
bored as bloom
curtains, drab
a lifeless gloom

what was once the music, the life the dance
now is silence
the quiet trance

Like stones, words are stacked atop drawers
language it gathers
dust it falls

I want to write
About suns and moons
Stars
Being strong
Of rising above it all

But

It always comes back
To you
And you
And sometimes you

Rage and grief
Confusion
Neuroticism
Jealousy

So

I'll start there