So you have something to say...

But I didn't ask your opinion.
I'm weakened, but I am not conquered.

I know you hear my breaths deep and its possible you can even feel my heart race from where you stand.

It's true...

I'm wounded and my hearts banging on my chest.

I stand before you. My eyes are flooded with wet salt.

I'm am in need of a...

FRIEND.

I can use an extra pair of ears and I don't want to hold a microphone...

Even more so I would like you to put yours away.

I want nothing more then a drop of concern and arms full of optimistic friendship.

Listen to me cry and maybe even speak, because my hearts sad and I've got a lump in my throat.

Be for me what I am for you...

A Friend.

Let me let it pass and when I'm actually calm, let me go without pointing any fingers or smirking.

Please take no joy in my life interruption.

Feed me strength, with silence and love.

I'll come back later, maybe have resolved my problem. I may have a joyous story to share...

But I may come back and need your opinion...

If I do, please keep an open mind.

And understand I'm asking because I trust you.

Please be honest, but be kind and never ever throw my flaws in my face.

Remember like I do. We are imperfect as humans...

I see perfection in our imperfections.

Our Unique paths and spirited choices.

I see beauty in our differences, in our triumphs and even in our flawed life lessons.

I'll be here when you need a shoulder...

A friend...

So if I fall, if your my friend...

Thank you for being there for me.

And if I'm not...

Well go ahead and tell me to *******, because preying on someone when they are weak is low.

And like I said I'm human...

I am HUMAN, but  I will recover.

And all that energy you put into weak attempts to shatter the jilted....

Well that **** will not be forgotten.

And I will stand tall with the grace of your friendship or despite your cruel intentetions to take advantage of the fragile ache I bore.

Wasted air, time and space

Unused energy lingering in sadness

There's no need, no purpose

I've tried to help, but its so true...

I'm lost myself

I don't feel my existence is anything that's important any more

I did all that was great and made all that is beautiful

I've impacted all who I ever will impact

Now my minds an inconviece

It's rain and dust in your face

I'm annoying and you dodge me ...

Its not fair

Its not fair to you, you can be happy

But I'm in they way...

This is not sad

This is just true

Why should I bring you down, when you can be happy and comfortable to

The thoughts near I get so worked up
It's more then a thought

I want to be here,  but I think it was ok if I'm not

This silence is *******

You don't realize, that just because you choose to decieve me...

It's only an attempt...

You look away as to make it clear you are mad

But I see through you, even though you are full of ****

I am wrong, because I rarely let the little things go

You are wrong, simply because your an *******

I can't make excuses for my moods, *******, or **** like that...

But you, your cruel just out of boredom or spite and it's making me change

I pray and pray for positive strength, for both you and I...

But now I fear my hearts weakening under this distress

I can't seem to find forgiveness

I only feel contempt for you

All of these arguments shall be the death of neither you or I

The death rather shall be of us

Pig headed, time wasting, complicated, now cold us...

My words are simple like our fights, our arguments shall be the death of neither you or I

This ******* will be the death of us

Be proud of yourself. Remember the nights you crumbled under the weight of your pain, and the mornings you fought to open your eyes, and won. Remember how you put yourself back together, brick by brick; remember the ache in your shoulders as you laid each stone. Remember that life is often the more difficult choice, and that it takes a special kind of bravery to choose it anyway

I find myself taking breaths but not breathing

Gasping even for the slightest chance of a comforting breathing pattern.

This anxiety has me on my knees. Like a thief it's stolen my breath and my strength

The dizziness sprinkles hovering over me slow and faint...

I'm lost, but not lost...

I'm here, but the room spins, and I fear I may faint

The more people I see and hear the more dizzy I get

Eyes find me...

They watch me pretend to be fine

I'm pale and clammy

I want to disappear

Tears want to fall but I'm able to keep them in for a while

When they finally fall I say that I'm fine

I only need to sit down and get home, I say I am tired

This will pass, it always does

Another day ruined, because I have to go home...

My families face blanketed with disappointment...

Another trip failed

I feel their eyes and thoughts of shame and frustration

In my mind I hear the wishes

This kills me more than the burden of anxiety alone

I feel as if I never should have left home

I want to be part of my family, but when I'm in my room...

I feel they are much more happy and things are as they should be

These thoughts bring me tears even now

I'm so **** tired of letting them down

I spiral into darkness and depression, with an anxieties jacket

And I feel them question me, as if I wasn't cursed and this was just me being mean

I sink down inside me and pretend I don't know what they think

Once in a while I'll hear I'm a control freak

Once in a while I hear I am ******

I get blamed out loud for all of my *******

Since I'm definitely flawed I know there's truth to it

This...

This, is what's heart breaking to me

And me, knowing I'm broken, it sends me deeper into my room...

I'll take my **** meds in an attempt to **** what feels like hate

But on this journey I'm still alone, even when they say they understand

I've seen way to many eyes rolls to think that they know my torture

And they will never understand my real guilt...

They will never believe that even with my emotions fighting inside my heart and soul, my real torment is that I ruin thier day

And I'm afraid that it makes me so much less...

To them.......

I feel some times I shouldn't even exist

My selfish heart won't let me leave...

I love them, so much I can't imagine giving in

I love them so much I feel shame and selfishness....