I never thought this would be me

This is now the sickening reality I live in, just trying to starve off the next cut. Sweat, wake, heartache. I can't believe, I can't believe this happening. I didn't know I could feel so weak, I never thought I would be so in need. Is this how it's supposed to be? I never thought this would be me.

Somber thoughts as I close my eyes, clenching my teeth as I think of a lie. Dragging the blade down my arm, they always say it's darkest before the dawn

When I'm alone I'm my own worst enemy, a cut to the arm is the only thing that makes sense to me. I can't let you see me like this, so enveloped in sadness. I can't stand on my own two feet when the weight of the world is on me.

When I'm alone I'm my worst enemy, if only you could see what really inside of me, you would see that I'm not ok, that everything's not alright.

If people saw each other for who they really are, would you just see me with scars?

I'm not ok and it's not alright, please give me the strength to make it through this night. Just to live another day dear god I'm on my knees, I know this isn't how it's supposed to be. What the **** with wrong with me?

When I fell you weren't there, the only thing to catch me was the noose. You took the knife and hollowed me out. Please just cut me loose

This is now the sickening reality I live in, just trying to starve off the next cut. Sweat, wake, heartache. I can't believe, I can't believe this happening. I didn't know I could feel so  weak, I never thought I would be so in need. Is this how it's supposed to be? I never thought this would be me.

Thoughts racing through my head. Repeating every moment, every situation. I just want to leave the waking world behind. And let the two lights become eclipse by night. Oh, how do I just want this tired mind to feel at ease, to let the world cease. But I don't think that wish will become reality.

The only difference between day and night, is that one is dark and one is light. The only difference between day and night, is if the sun is out or if the stars are shining. I see one pass by, I close my tired eyes, and wish for a moment of rest.

Recreating and changing situations, what could have been and what could have happened. Thoughts, ideas, memories going back and forth. One thought always comes up, "when will sleep finally take me in, and let my mind and body rest."

I am an insomniac. And I don't need rest, these thoughts makes my heart beat out of my chest. I don't need sleep, because I have these emotions to keep. I don't need sleep.

I see the sun start coming up, and I think back to the tornado of thoughts that just went through my head. Say to myself "to hell with it, let your mind go blank". I see the sun shining bright, hear the sounds of the world waking up, my mind was just a little late, but now the sun is the moon, as my mind and body finally give into the temptation of sleep. My last thought is "just another night down, at least the moon and stars kept me company."

In my heart there's a weakness, for your secrets. In my mind there are things I wish I could say, but I don't want to stay. In a place of desolation, I drown tonight. I no longer see you as a light.

So **** me now, I'll keep fighting with these voices my head. How do you think I felt, when you left me for dead. You left me empty, the only thing in my chest is a shattered heart. Is this for the best?

In my heart, I knew this would end from the start. You let me down, you know that there's no sympathy to be found. All I take away, is a bad taste and broken days. So say goodbye, you know that your love was lie.

So I'll scream, with a knife in my back. I swear to you I'll be the last one to laugh. So I'll scream, with a gun to my head. These feelings won't come back from the dead.

So **** me now, I'll keep fighting with these voices my head. How do you think I felt, when you left me for dead. You left me empty, the only thing in my chest is a shattered heart. Is this for the best?

Don't lie, I see it in your face, every time you look at me with such distaste. Goodbye, you have had a hold over me for to long. Oh, your the reason behind this song.

This black and white canvas, is turning into color, brush stroke after brush stroke. I don't want another or a masterpiece, all I want is for you to be with me.

My cheeks turn red, as our eyes meet. I look down and smile, wishing to be out of this seat. And be off somewhere with you. Making mischief and acting like kids.

Walking down the street, lost in thought and dragging my feet. When I looked up at the sun shining through the clouds and I think of your face. Thinking of your smile made me reflect a smile of my own.

So don't let me down

I wake up in this bed, with a cold heartache and a searing pain in my head. I look around and pray that this pain won't last. To start a new day, to leave it all in my past. I've always left things unsaid. And it's always left me with a lifeless body and a wanting to be dead.

So I'll fight this, I'll take this leap. I'm losing it all and I only want to bleed. So I'll make this, and find a way to see, I'll take this fall and this isn't how it's supposed to be.

I'll find out, figure it out, where I'm supposed to be. I'll break out, take it all out, on who I used to be, this is what I need. I lay down in the tall grass, thinking about all the times I said "please don't let me down." Now that I've started to drown, I wonder about what happened inside that made me feel this way, so I say

Please don't let me down

Again I find heart and compassion, taking steps so I don't end up in the same old fashion. The floorboards crack where I walk, please sit me down and help me out, I know these feelings still stalk.

I'm not a dead man, I just want to know where I stand. I'm not a dead man, I'm not a dead man, I'm not dead yet.

I'll find out, figure it out, where I'm supposed to be. I'll break out, take it all out, on who I used to be, this is what I need. I lay down in the tall grass, thinking about all the times I said "please don't let me down." Now that I've started to drown, I wonder about what happened inside that made me feel this way, so I say.

Take me down, to the fire in your heart, let me find you in my arms, we can just let the world pass us by. Take me down, as the embers slowly fade, and sail away with me

I can picture, writing songs for you. I can picture counting down the hours, and I can picture my friends saying how you've got me wrapped around your heart, but as long as you're wrapped up in my chest, I'll be fine because it'll be for the best

Take me down, to the fire in your heart, let me find you in my arms, we can just let the world pass us by. Take me down, as the embers slowly fade, and sail away with me.

And I know I have sorrow, I know I have heartache, I know all of this. But I know I could be someone who could make you happy, I swear I could make you proud. So here's my heart for you to take

Take me down, to the fire in your heart, let me find you in my arms, we can just let the world pass us by. Take me down, as the embers slowly fade, Take me down, to the fire in your heart, let me find you in my arms, we can just let the world pass us by. Take me down, as the embers slowly fade. And sail away with me.

We're sitting alone, the rain is trickling down. going back and forth in my mind. And I don't know how this will go. I don't know what to say, I don't how to let you know. I don't know how to save you. Just please don't go

Oh this is what we get, take me back, please just take me back. Don't let go, don't say goodbye. Oh this what we get, take me back, please just take me back.

I'm standing alone tonight, trembling with a phone to me ear. Going back and forth in my mind. Imagining a ghost on my doorstep. And I hear you end, as our face's mirror tears rolling down our cheeks. And I know you didn't let go.

We won't let go ( please don't let go) of this notion, we have every reason to want this, but is this worth the risk, is this worth losing everything.

Your touch is so warm to the skin, oh your words are so cold to the heart, your touch is so warm to the skin, oh your words are so cold to my heart

But oh this is what we get, take me back, please just take me back. Don't let go, don't say goodbye. Oh this what we get, take me back, please take me back.

You say you won't let me down, you say you love me. You say you would rather lose everything than to lose me. Why the hell would you make empty lies, why the hell would you make me empty.

This is what living lies does, to friends and family, this is what living lies does, to broken hearts. This is what living lies does, this is what living this way does to the ones you loved.

This past year has changed my life, but I don't want to live through it all again.

So tell me (so tell me), so tell me (so tell me) what should we do? So tell me (so tell me), so tell me (so tell me) what should we do? Please tell me (please tell me), please tell me (please tell me) what the hell should we do now?

As the leaves begin to change, I'm lying again on my face, and this cool air takes me back as I remember this place. I'm here with paper and a guitar, so I'll write about how I got this far.

What has to happen for me to understand? That second chances aren't worth it, what's the master plan? And would it be all right, if I sat alone here tonight? Believe me when I say, this is not a lie, you had me at goodbye

You can never go back to how things were, but you can move forward to create something new. Will I be ok? Will we be all right? This is something I've got to do. So say a final goodnight, let sleep take you, but again this is something I have to do.

And just for a moment, I take a breath and hold it. And just for a moment, I'll no longer know it. And just for a moment, I take a breath and hold it, and just for a moment, I'll no longer show it.

What has to happen for me to understand? That second chances aren't worth it what's the master plan? And would it be all right, if I sat alone tonight? Believe me when I say, this is not a lie, you had me at goodbye

One more second and I'll be your serenade,  dont say goodbye.  I looked into your eyes and as I told you not to cry, and you kissed me, you kissed me. I will stop pretending,  and I will still be standing for this, I'll stand up for you

I'll try to make sense of this if you'll take a chance on this, and for a girl who's gotten her heart broken I'll write a song so it's spoken that her heart's whole, and those scars are gone.

And I tasted you lips, felt the sway in your hips, and I wispered a prayer, one that you answered, and I held you close, saw the crinkle on your nose, and I tasted your lips one last time

Have you seen this girl? She's been running around my head. Have you seen this girl? She's the last thing on my mind before bed.  Have you seen this girl? She no longer has teared stained eyes. Have you seen this girl? With her in my arms is where I want to lie

And I'll try to make sense of this if you'll take a chance on this, and for a girl who's gotten her heart broken I'll write a song so it's spoken that her heart's whole, and those scars are gone.

Summers gone and I'm back alone. The warmth is gone, and I'm back to the cold. This weather takes me past, where I would want to be now. So I sing...

I need someone to adore. I just want something more than nights staring into the sky, so I write and write. Hoping that someone will jump out of these words, and that I'll have someone to embrace in my arms.

I will make someone proud, and I will make someone happy. But for now I'm laying on the couch with a pen and paper. Making words into life, holding on, holding out for that someone.

Maybe someone will know me instead of just my name. Maybe someone will come along, maybe someone will know me for who I am. That someone is out there.

I will mean something, to someone. But for now I will take care. And be another lost and found.

So let the goodnights begin, just close your eyes girl, and say goodbye. This war in my heart, it begins to start, once the lights go out and the nights are just about all I have to think. Say goodnight.

I take a step back to see where this started, in my heart and mind, this is something that won't be parted with, Now turn around and run away, they'll try to chase you down, but don't worry 'cause I'm here to stay. Don't you worry now, just listen to what I have to say!

Go, run for your life, don't ever look back. They'll **** you if you try. We can make it through the night. Girl, just close your eyes, you'll be all right. I'm right by your side. We can make it through the night, you'll make it through the night

The moonlight is dancing in your hair, with the stars above, we're both running away scared. But there's something in the air tonight, now look my in the eyes and kiss me one last time. Just two midnight runaways.

Go, run for your life, don't ever look back. (I'll only hold you back)They'll **** you if you try (just keep running). We can make it through the night. Girl, just close your eyes, you'll be all right (I swear I won't let you down). I'm right by your side (this is my promise to you). We can make it through the night, you'll make it through.

I lay here just another Frankenstein. Afraid like all the other monster trying to hide. Are we all just outcasts? To afraid of pain? While other want the sunshine, I want to rain.

And another monster to be mine.  They'll know me and not just my name. We talk on a cold, cold night.

Talking about everything that's trapped inside. No longer fighting feelings, so tell me girl what's on your mind? We can just talk until it's daylight, and you tell me that everything is alright. With you it's not such a cold, cold night.

Hiding in this dark corridor, finding out what we are here for. Were we just loners looking for a place to mend? Or were we something more that came from friends?

Talking about everything that's trapped inside. No longer fighting feelings, so tell me girl what's on your mind? We can just talk until it's daylight, and you tell me that everything is alright. With you it's not such a cold, cold night.

No longer fighting feelings, no longer scared and afraid. No longer lost and alone, no longer trying to hide. All of the monsters will find a home. All of the monsters will find someone to love.

She's in love, with the thought of being in love. And I know, the only reason I am here. Is because I believe the words that she lied through her teeth. While I'm restless at night she's smiling in her sleep.

You smile in your sleep, you smile. You smile in your sleep. You are the first one I wanted to keep, you're the last one I wanted to lose. You are the first one I wanted to keep and you're the last one I wanted to lose.

Who knew that hell could be so close to my heart, when I found out the games that you played from the start. Why did you continue, you knew that this would end, you knew this would die.

You played the part of the hurt victim oh so well, it's no wonder I fell under your spell. You cast me as the your hero, and together we pulled you out. But once you didn't need me you just threw me away and left me to the crows

You know you've got me, sitting on the edge of my seat. And I hope you know, there's no place I'd rather be. We can just sit here, or look into my eyes and you'll see

Little did you realize, you told me how to get past your eyes. So I'll say a prayer, now I don't have to lie, about how I feel. Taking steps in my mind, trying to think of how to find, a way to tell you.

I watch as sparks collide, in mind to your heart. I tried to fight, but I've known from the start. That this would happen. To you and I. But I'm terrified that this will be our final goodbye. So instead of goodbye, say goodnight. So instead of goodbye, say good night

I close my eyes, I won't say goodbye, until I know just how you feel. I will abide, just from the look of your eyes. How do you feel?

Can you feel it now? (Something I've never felt) Can you feel it now? (Your eyes make me melt) Can you feel it now? (Should we take the chance?) can you feel it now (save me one last dance).

Oh why do I care, when I know you don't feel the same for me. Why do I care, when I know I'm nothing and you see, I'll wait here, being my pathetic self, and I'll have your back, even though I'm convinced you don't care about me, and I'll wait wondering at night, if we'll ever be OK, if we'll ever be all right

Close my eyes, take a breathe, letting it go, I wish I could just do the same for you. But I have you in the back of my mind and the front of my heart, wondering if your OK, wondering if your in pain. 'Cause I know that even with the pain you caused me, I still care, and I still hope that you'll never go back to that place, but still I ask myself why do I care

Three hours down three to go until the sun rises, and I still wait in vain, for sleep to take me. To let myself relax, to let myself let all the worry go away, why the hell do I care so much, to someone who caused me so much pain. But maybe its not a question at all. Maybe I should be thankful for caring so much. But these sleepless nights don't help me see that.

Oh I know I may still care, even when your gone, when you don't need me. And you throw me away, throw me away like a piece of trash, that you've used again and again. But I don't care about me, about my well being. All I care is that your OK, that you don't need to take it out on your arms, that you don't have that knife to your throat. Please tell me that your OK, and that you care the same as me

Teardrops fall down on my guitar, as my heart begins to fall apart. How does this sound?

I guess for now, I'll see you around, and I'll pretend not to. I guess for now, I'll try to move on, if my heart will allow. I guess for now, if time allows, I'll wait for you. I guess for now, I'll try to move on, but my heart won't allow. Because I want to be with you.

Why does it hurt to see your face? When I used to love your embrace. I think back to the time we spent together, now it seems like it's been forever.

You took my heart when you left, you always do. I would've taken this leap, just to be with you. I've been here before, so why does it feel so new. You took my heart when you left, I wonder if I took yours too.

I guess for now, I'll see you around, and I'll pretend not to. I guess for now, I'll try to move on, if my heart will allow. I guess for now, if time allows, I'll wait for you. I guess for now, I'll try to move on, but my heart won't allow. Because I want to be with you.

Take a breath in, letting it go. If only I could the same for you. Close my eyes, letting tears fall, I promised I wouldn't let the same happen to you. Take a breath in, (laughing in your basement) letting it go. If only I could the same for you. Close my eyes, (making mischief at the mall) letting tears fall, I promised I wouldn't let the same happen to you.

Teardrops fall down on my guitar, as my heart begins to fall apart. Is this where we both make a new start? Or is this where our paths part?

I guess for now, (so I guess I'll see you) I'll see you around, and I'll pretend not to. I guess for now, (you took my heart, you always do) I'll try to move on, if my heart will allow. I guess for now, (so I guess I'll see you) if time allows, I'll wait for you. I guess for now, I'll try to move on, (I wonder if I took yours too) but my heart won't allow. Because I want to be with you.

Every day you wait for the pain to fade, because you've almost lost all that you've made. You look at me with those tear stained eyes, but I swear I'll pull you out this time. You say you're alone, but turn away from the wall and you'll find me waiting.

You looked for a way out, but with that shadow looming over you're shoulder. Its hard to find light. But your stronger then you know, you can make this right.

I would do anything to stop your shaking, but there's nothing I can say. You just have to stop that thinking, that you shouldn't live another day.

Don't wait for a way out, cause day in and day out you could be finding help. You say you don't know where the hell your going in, well look into my eyes and I'll tell you.

You say you give up, I know what's its like too. There's rarely a way back from that. I know what's it like, don't just give up.

It was a good day,
I was woken up by a pat on my head,
a hug around my body, and a kiss on the head
My brother brought water over for me.
It was a good day.

It was a good day,
I spent the whole morning with my other brother, my mom even came home early to help me up. I couldn't get up but it's ok, my brother can't either.
It was a good day.

It was a good day,
my brother came home like he always does, lately he's gotten home and laid with me. It's nice to have someone petting my sore muscles. My other brother tries but I usually stay a little bit away just to mess with him.
It was a good day.

It was a good day,
they brought me outside but I couldn't stand up, it's ok though because I was with my family. When they brought me back inside my brother laid with me again, he seemed sad and he was crying I couldn't understand why.
It was a good day.

It was a good day,
my dad came home and laid with me for a little. Then they put me in the car. as I felt the wind blowing on my old face and my brother petting me, it made me get the biggest smile.
It was a good day.

It was a good day,
they brought me inside and I had new friends around me. Everyone was laying and petting me, I was so awake and happy.
It was a good day

It was a good day,
They stuck a needle in my leg but it's ok my whole family was with me so I was happy. They were all crying and seemed sad so I tried to make them happy like me by smiling. I'm starting to get tired now but my dad, mom, and brothers are all with me.
It was a good day.

I smell the fragrant of the rose, it brings me in, but I don't understand my feelings just yet. Time passes and the rose comes close to death, I rush to save it and at that moment I realize what I really feel. But in the back of my mind I know every rose has its thorns, and every one of them can cause pain

So I let go, of what I wanted to most, but I keep coming back, the red of the pedals is what keeps me. Its so pathetic, to hate something but still miss it so much. So again I reach for the stem, and again I feel the thorns dig in so I let go.

The tighter I try to hold on the more the thorns push deeper, but I feel its more painful to let go. So I hold on tighter and tighter till I bleed, but I need this pain, to let go of what I've been holding on too. So I can finally let go.

But I still cant at the moment, I need to let time pass, let the pain grow of holding on and the pain to let go to fade, I hope this come sooner than later, but I know that won't happen. So I close my eyes and just breathe, let the pain come in, the blood come out, until I'm drained.

My eyes drink in this beauty, this horrible beauty, its way to much, oh to much. I think I'm going blind. All I've wanted was trust and caring, but I swear that I didn't get it didn't get yours. Am i just not enough, in your eyes.

Here we are, standing face to face, those **** eyes burning holes into my memory. Is all my sorrow, all my heart ache not enough, to feed your hunger.

We went though hell and high water, but you're the one that killed it, the wick of the candle burned all the way down. So get away. Get the hell away from me.

I am the victim, I am the prey, I am the victim, you better pray. I'm done wasting time trying to stand by your side.

You left me with all my desire, break me free. Wipe that smile from you ******* face, I'm done being toyed with, wipe that grin of your **** face. I'm ******* done.

Please don't open your arm tonight dear, I swear to you you'll be alright, just don't shed a tear alone. I'm always here if not on the other side of this phone. You're never alone.

This is not the end, please just step back my friend. There's still more to this journey.  Between life and lies please don't let this be a final goodbye. Because this is not the end.

You can only fake a smile for so long, but when that smile fades I hope you can hear this song. Breathe easy you'll be ok in the end.

Please don't open your arm tonight dear, I swear to you you'll be alright, just don't shed a tear alone. I'm always here if not on the other side of this phone. You're never alone. Just close your eyes and breathe dear, if only you could see, just how amazing you are. You wouldn't be leaving these scars. You're never alone.

You are not alone, no matter what you think, no matter what you say you are not alone. This pain will just seem like a blink,  there's a new sunrise each day, you are not alone.

Please don't open your arm tonight dear, I swear to you you'll be alright, just don't shed a tear alone. I'm always here if not on the other side of this phone. You're never alone. Just close your eyes and breathe dear, if only you could see dear, just how amazing you are. You wouldn't be leaving these scars. You're never alone.