our first space date will be in over 20 years or maybe even a lot more
we'll be traveling at the speed of light
i'll be holding ur hand and then we arrive at saturns rings
i pull out the picnic basket and we have a picnic on the second biggest planet in our solar system !!
while we're eating i kiss ur cheek and tell you i love you
we fly out to the local galactic group and observe the andromeda galaxy, the second most beautiful thing ive ever seen
and then we makeout for like 20 minutes and then we travel back to planet earth

She hates waking up, dressing up, and going through the same routine
God she must hate being a teen

Dealing with the same ******* every single day
God she's tired of taking the **** they say

Everyone would take a look at her  teared up eyes and say "oh you're fine"

Make-up dripping from her face
God she must hate picking up the pace

Going home, tears still in her eyes
Her parents come up with the most amazing lies

Eats dinner, brushes her teeth, quietly goes back to sleep

Repeats everything all over again with the same heartbeat

(J.A.)

we were created to question our own existence

As I sit on my bed
Piled by blankets
Watching an endless amount of movies
And listening to the same 6 songs on repeat
I think that you have found somebody new
Well maybe you're better off with whatever his name is supposed to be
I guess I'll never know what it feels like to be loved by you
I always knew I'd find the right person and for the past 2 months I thought that it would be you
As I lay here still piled up by blankets
I want to text you how I feel
But our friendship is something I want to keep
And it's not something you find at an old garage sale that's really cheap
I just hope that one day you hear the words I wanna say
But for now I'll lay here piled under these blankets trying to get through the day

(J.A)

i'm in math class on the verge of going nuts because no one will shut the **** up

i'm only looking forward to later because i might go for a walk or listen to la dispute

the weather says it's supposed to be 50 degrees all day

i was forgetting all of my anger but now it's all i can think about since i can't stand any of these peoples voices in my eardrums

i always sleep on the side of my bed because I imagine you being right next to me.

September 26, 2014 6:25 am
I woke up this morning and went to Facebook and found out someone from school died last night

Someone I haven't spoken a word to in years, even though I pass them in the hall everyday

It was a car crash

This girl was my cousin
Not by blood but by marriage

7:22 am
I walked into school and didn't know what to expect
The sound of crying and grief numbed me

7:50 am
The principal makes an announcement about it and we have a moment of silence

9:15 am
we leave first period and the halls are quiet

10:10 am
I try to imagine what her parents and siblings must be going through
I can't even imagine what they must be going through

September 30, 2014

I wake up and go to school

Go through the day and go home

4:00 pm

We go into the church where the funeral is being held
There are at least 300 or more people there

The sounds of people crying is what made me ever more sadder

Watching her parents cry was the worst part

They then take her to the cemetery

I didn't go

I went that night

So many bouquets of flowers are on the ground

We stayed for about 20 minutes and headed out and I wondered when will be the next time we come back?

(J.A.)

never did i think i would meet a girl whose eyes i compare to the stars

whose beauty i would compare to a bed of flowers

and whose love i would compare to no one else's.

theres a huge rug

a coffee table

and 5 chairs

theres a pile of magazines

and 2 books

then its me

waiting alone

with all my thoughts and anger

hidden through the skin and bones

i havent showered today

ive been on netflix

i feel like hell

im looking out the window

and see only nature

which is my most favorite thing

even though it looks beautiful

i still dont want to be here.

Old Gray: My Life With You, My Life Without You
Tigers Jaw: Teen Rocket
The World Is A Beautiful Place: Heartbeat In The Brain
The Story So Far: Navy Blue
Counterparts: Decay
Foxing: Inuit
Karen O: The Moon Song
Have Mercy: Living Dead
Modern Baseball: Pothole
Moose Blood: Gum
The Wonder Years: Madelyn

...and we'll kiss and laugh and talk about how we're just small specks of dust in the universe wondering what our purpose is.

Watching the flowers grow and feeling love in your heart are two prime examples of how beautiful the world can be sometimes

Falling out of love, being hated for no specific reason, watching a loved one die, and being lonely are a few prime examples of how cruel the world is sometimes

There are many other examples for both of those and I can't think of them off of the top of my head

I've always heard the term "the world is a beautiful/cruel place sometimes"and I was always prepared to experience both

I've had my heart broken, I've watched something/someone die, I've been lonely for the longest amount of time I can think of... But those are just the cruel things

I've felt loved, I've watched the flowers grow, I've watched the sun rise at 6 am, I've felt less lonely surrounded by people I can call my friends... And those are the beautiful things

Keep that term in mind, "The world is a beautiful/cruel place sometimes"

You’re a very beautiful and amazing human being who is worthy of so many amazing things and in my opinion you deserve more than me because you’re a galaxy and I’m just a speck of dust

hey babe do you wanna come over later?
listen to the 1975 and hold hands for a few hours in my bed.
we can talk about the old days when we were just friends and were just strangers.
and talk about the universe while the billions of stars around us shine.

my body is sober
and yours is not
my lungs aren't dead yet
but yours are close
will i ever see you again
yeah, probably not
did i ever love you?
i don't think so

we've trashed the house and now we've trashed our lives

we threw a tv out the window
left the trash can piled up
2 strangers
are sleeping on my couch
there's broken beer bottles on the top of my roof
and now there's a broken heart inside my chest

even though i'm happy in my current relationship even though we argue a lot, i think about killing myself every day. but, not because of her of course. mostly because of the stress of school and thinking every day that she's going to dump me and i don't think i'll be able to deal with heartbreak again. i don't want anyone else but her.

when i was with you were an _
i wouldnt call it a relationship
because there was no relation
although there was a ship
but you were on the bow with your arms out
and i was an anchor waiting to be dropped

I remember on June 30th when I was in the passenger seat of the car and I couldn't hear anything but ringing my ears

It took two or three drives around to find out where you were, I remember seeing you from distance and I couldn't believe my eyes

You looked so beautiful, like the first time I looked at a photo of you on my phone screen but times a million, god you looked so beautiful.

i remember all the nights you wanted to die and was almost unlucky enough to pull it off.

we're all gonna die someday so love and accept everyone and everything.

I'm being honest when I say if it wasn't for you I would have already killed myself.

16 and 1/2 with a sadness as deep as the ocean
which you can feel yourself being dragged into slowly by the claws of depression as you attempt to escape but have found yourself in an abyss of emptiness.

I'm always afraid everyone will start hating me, when everyone already hates me.

Last night I fell to the kitchen floor getting a drink and started twitching and shaking

It felt like fear had stabbed his dagger through my chest

I went to my room, laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling for 5 minutes wishing I could be ****** into space and not deal with the fear anymore

I’m going to be talking about 2 things today

1. school

2. bullying

let’s talk about school
in the dictionary school is, and i quote, “an institution for educating children”.

in the urban dictionary school means: A place where everyone secretly hates each other including students, staff and teachers and is a nightmare. They force you to do useless work while they also expect you to put up with peer pressure like your home life and social life.

now lets talk about my definition of school

school is a place i’ve been going for the past almost 17 years of my life
school is a place where i’ve a made a bunch of friends and a bunch of enemies

i’ve lost some friends
i’ve made some friends

i’ve dealt with heartbreak

but we all have

we’ve all gone through the make-up, break-up stuff

and now onto our second topic, bullying

i see some people here in the audience who i have taken a punch from

did i ever befriend them? no

they still treat me like i’m sort of pile of garbage on the side of the street waiting to be taken to the dump

why did i get bullied?

because i’m different

i dress different, i listen to different music, my haircut is different

but also because people like to question my sexuality

i’m straight

i am interested in females

“why do you care”, i say

“because you look gay”

how does one look gay?

do i take it as an insult? god no

there is nothing wrong with homosexuality in any sort of way

i have a shirt that says “i support same-*** marriage” and i’m proud to wear it

the point of all the stuff i’ve been saying about school is that school *****, but we need it.

the point of all the stuff i’ve been saying about bullying is that we all need to focus on important things like that because there are have been plenty of things like suicide and school shootings because of that one thing.

thank you

When we're together we can:

- hold hands
- kiss
- listen to our favorite tunes
- be super weird
- take rlly dumb selfies
- eat at subway
- sing dumb lovey dovey songs together
- cuddle
- hug

I've been punching holes in my wall and crying my eyes out for 2 weeks straight

I gave you my heart and you stomped on it and now I don't know what to do

Tears in my eyes and holes in my wall are just the beginning

Where will it lead to next? I guess we'll find out along the path

If I could write a book on how hurt I am, would you even read it?

Billions of people on this earth and I chose you... to keep

Billions of people on this earth and you chose me... to hurt.

(J.A.)

in 7 years i still won't miss your second hand smoke

it's been almost one year since death stared me in the face

it looked down on me

swallowed me whole

and almost ate me alive

I'm just a kid who ***** up everything except the part where the love of his life came through and told him everything was gonna be fine... and she was right.