Before I met you,
I had not been searching
For my other half
Because I considered myself full
But now you're gone
And I have never felt so empty

It's easy to say I love you when you are face to face.
It's easy to say I love you when you are inside someone.
It's easy to say I love you when they are caring for you.
It's easy to say I love you when the butterflies are in your
stomach and every waking moment is consumed with one another.

But it's not easy to say I love you when they want nothing to do with you.
It's not easy to say I love you when you know they don't love you.
It's not easy to say I love you when it's been a consistent battle to
remain friends.
It's not easy to say I love you when you always choose guys who
make you feel less than you are.
It's not easy to say I love you when I have been waiting four years for
you to feel anything for me.
And it certainly is not easy to say I love you when there is an ocean
separating the two of us.

I don't love you because I need you, I need you because I love you.
Love is not a feeling, or an emotional connection, or an opportunity not to be alone.
Love is dedication, a choice to knit your heart and soul to another because
nobody else can compare to the joy, peace, affection, and trustworthiness that you have.

So I love you. I love you. I love you.
You may never read this, but it's the deepest part of my love for you.

Everything
I felt,

You did not

People walk into your life.
They share their stories, they fight with you, they make love to you -

People walk out of your life.

Their entrance as unexpected as their exit.
But how different and miserable life would have been without them.

I just can't explain how much I want you to stay.

My friends all think I'm crazy because I stand in the middle of the street and talk to a God that doesn't exist while high-fiving the windshields of passing school buses. I stopped taking my medication again because guilt taste a lot better than artificial happiness, and I stopped wearing that cross you bought me for my eight birthday because it contradicted the sense of uselessness I received for my twelfth. Life seems a lot less precious when you're talking to your parents in the TV room of a psychiatric unit and look them in the eyes while they tell me not to cry and say that 'pain is only temporary'. All I do is write letters to a man on the moon about the time I realized how hard and easy it is to die. Send me to therapy and make me take pills. I'll smile, but I'll always remember how to tie a noose

1.) When your mother tells you she wants to **** herself, you will have to force a fist down your throat to keep yourself from saying "me too".

2.) You will sit in shocked silence like the ocean as it waits for the storm to pass. The storm will not pass. It will always be there. It will uproot the foundations of your home. It will drown you in the crying of the skies.

3.) Her hands will shake like a series of earthquakes have been running through her veins. You will try not to resent her. You will fail.

4.) Her lower lip will tremble like a leaf swaying in the darkness. You will try not to resent her. You will fail.

5.) She will say "I want to be engulfed by the sea. I want to not be able to breathe". You will have to force a fist down your throat to keep yourself from saying "me too"

6.)  Her eyes become headlights and you become the deer. You will want to run away. Don't run away.

7.) There will be days where you will miss the sound of nothing her arms can bring. There will be days where you will have to inject concrete into your own. There will be days where you will have to carry the weight of her broken spine and you will wonder how something so seemingly fragile can be so heavy. There will be days where you will have to be the strong one. But you are never the strong one.

8.) If you can't stop your tears from soaking your pillow, do not forget to flip it over. Do not let her the stains. Do not let her see your pain. Do not let her see how much this makes you want to bleed out from your eyes.

9.) She will say "I want to hang from the highest tree. I want to not be able to breathe". You will have to force a fist down your throat to keep yourself from saying "me too"

10.) These walls are a lot harder than you think and your knuckles are weaker than they look so please, don't try to punch holes into them. Take a camera and satisfy yourself with the emptiness of your own soul.

11.) Your brother will be screaming into the oblivion and you will be lying spread eagle on the floor of your bedroom. You will think of the mountain of ******* you have to face yourself. You will want to ignore him. You won't be able to. You will want to be selfish. Don't be selfish.

12.)  The TV will only show reruns and the news will keep repeating itself. No matter how much you want to smash the screen and rip the paper into shreds, don't.

13.) There are lines connecting you to this to her to life to death to flying to falling to burning to choking on every word you wanted to say.

14.) When your mother tells you she wants to **** herself, you will have to force a fist down your throat to keep yourself from saying "me too".

15.) You will regret forcing a fist down your throat to keep yourself from saying "me too"