Jessica

Jessica Mar 2015

Abuse

The words snaked around my neck.
Suffocating me.
****.
The way you made me feel.
The games.
The bruises?
That night.
That knife.

Jessica Feb 2015

Happy poem

I've never written a happy poem.
I've tried, and stopped.
It always felt fake, cheesy.
I've come to realize that I do not need to express the things that make me happy in order to write a happy poem.
I do not need to make metaphors for the joys in life.
I have joys.
I know this.
I have yet to write a happy poem.
But I feel happy.

#poem #happy #happiness #finally

Jessica Feb 2015

Freedom

I never knew this could feel so good.

When you said you didn't want me anymore I thought you were lying.
I thought you were trying to push me away because you didn't want to hurt me anymore.
I thought you wanted me to feel better.

I know now that is not what it was.
When you said you didn't want me anymore I told myself you did. I rolled in the thoughts of eventually getting you back.
He just needs a break.
He will realize I'm the one for him.

No.

When you said you didn't want me anymore I told myself I wouldn't talk to you.
You're lying. Pushing me away.
He can't possibly push me away.
You know this.
I love you.

Anger.
Tears.
Pain.
What am I even doing?

I do not love you!
When you said you did not like me anymore, finally.
The truth.
No more fear.
Im free.

I never knew this would feel so ******* good.

This endless cycle of what I thought was love has broken me from the inside out. It was not until today that I allowed myself to see past him. And I feel happy. Finally.

#go #freedom #happy #ending #breakup #free #bliss #letting

Feb 2015

Christi Michaels MoonFlower

I Wanna a Man

I Wanna a Man that wants Me
Laying in his bed
Soft curls nestled
just beneath his head
Long legs wrapped
'round Mine
holding me tight
Pulling us down into the
soft nest of night

In His strong soft arms I would lay
Till morning meets the misty break of day.

I Need a Man that loves the way
I smell, taste and breath
Cares for what I want
Considers what I need
Enjoys the way I form my thoughts
Listens to my dreams

I Wish a Man that accepts me
My peculiar ways.
treats like I am precious
In his strong arms I would Lay
Till morning kisses meet
The misty break of day

I Dream of a Man capable
accepting love from Me
Enjoys the way I touch His skin
Knows how Good things can be

Most of all I want a Man
That wants to be loved too
A Man that never
hesitates to say
"Woman, I Love You"

Copyright © 2014 Christi Michaels.
All Rights Reserved.

I Wanna Man

#love #want #caring #intimacy #needs #sensitive #thechallenge

Jessica Feb 2015

Perspective

How do I see what everyone sees?
How can I act like the feelings aren't there?
How can I lie to myself if I can't lie to you?

Can't go back to square one, but I've taken at least 8 steps back.
I can't ever get you off my mind, I still wish I could be around you all the time.
Im blind, can't see.
You overcome my everything.

You were my everything.

But those days are gone.
Feeling changed.
**** went down.
Why do I feel like my life's been flipped around?

How do I see what everyone sees?
You try to lend me your eyes.
As many have.

Show me what I cannot see on my own.

I just wish you would take my eyes, and actually see.

#love #help #blind #perspective

Jessica Feb 2015

Comparisons

I compare my love for you to my driving.

Reckless.
Youthful.
Shouldn't be allowed.
Dangerous.

Yet I need it to get to where I want to go.

Everyone drives.
The ones who don't are content with that alone.

I shouldn't be allowed to.

I put my foot to the gas.
Trying to reach you.
Terryfying and exhilarating all at the same time.
But I'm all in.

Stop.

Abrupt.
Shock.
Fear.
Sorrow.

And it might just still be allowed.

#love #heartbreak #hope #driving #reckless #car #younglove #comparison

Jessica Feb 2015

Crazy

My Arm is on fire and it doesn't even hurt.
I did it.
But was it me?
The tortured memories inside my head blind me to the point where i don't know who I am anymore.
This person, foreign.
Alien.
You.

Red.
Relief.
But is it?
No
Am I?
Crazy?

More red than before.
Relief.

No pain.
I want to feel it.
But I can't.
You don't feel it.

I feel you.

Pressure.
More.
Red.
Relief.

Is it relief if I still can't feel?

My arm is on fire and It should hurt.

I don't even have to tell you not to put me out.

#pain #hurt #numb