It’s a bit like catching yourself breathing
it’s something that you don’t consciously think about
it's just something you do
then suddenly you are thinking about it.

The breathing becomes difficult.
Then you have to calm yourself down
but it only gets harder to do.

You catch yourself thinking about someone
you don’t want to think about,
you shouldn't think about,
and breathing becomes hard.

I catch myself thinking about you.
I should be thinking of my lover.
But as your voice fills my thoughts
and I feel the ghost of your kiss
the breathing becomes hard
once again

When you first pressed
your lips to mine
my eyes closed slowly,
blissfully

The taste of cigarettes
and cheap mint gum
were strong,
like your hands on my hips

And when your lips pressed
against my sun kissed cheeks,
and then my dark curly hair
I felt safe

I felt small in your arms,
I felt warm against your chest
I left loved in your presence
and I feel cold in your absence

I am the one
Who sat with you
And held your body
While you sobbed

I am the one
Who came to your house
At four in the morning
So you wouldn't be alone

I am the one
Who wiped your tears
And fixed your makeup
Behind the school at prom

I am not the one
Who is to blame
For any of the causes
Of your sorrow

And I will not be the one
To watch you fall
Or succumb
To this darkness

Firework explosions dance
across the midnight sky
sparklers swirl about
lighting up the air

The night is spent
in the back of your truck
with the blankets from my bed
and your body to keep me warm

Barbecues and fancy drinks
and atrocious amounts of food
everyone laughing and drinking and singing
and right by my side is you

The sparklers and the fireworks
of red and blue and white
cannot compare to the light
that shines from you and I

And in those moments
it seemed silly to me
that this holiday was spent alone
so many years before you came along

you like your coffee black
with two ice cubes
in the red mug you keep
in the cabinet next to the stove

and you like your eggs scrambled
with salt and pepper
with 4 slices of bacon
and you won't eat breakfast
after ten thirty

and the reason I wake
hours before you
and spend thirty minutes
making you breakfast

is to be the first person
to see your blue eyes
reflect the sunlight
that shines through
the half closed blinds

that night, under the dark midnight sky
I weaved daisies into your hair
and pinned dandelions to the collar of your shirt
left lipstick trails like stars along your jaw
and goose bumps trailing behind my fingertips

and I came home at three a.m
wearing your soft grey jacket
and traces of your cologne on my skin
sleep willingly lost
and innocence willingly traded
for just a taste
of what love truly is