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Jack Jan 2017
Words are not enough.
In fact I find them quite lacking at the moment
Language is not
enough
Words fall short
Easily misinterpreted
Easily lied
Easily hiding what's real and what isn't
Frankly
I'm tired of them.
Words are hollow and empty
We fill their spaces with meaning but the spaces are too small
And have walls
And limits
I'm tired of these limits.
Even as I write these words, I know they will not properly convey what I currently feel and wish to express right now
They are simply not enough.
And it is frustrating to try to contort them in different ways to try and prove otherwise
But what is enough?
What can break the walls of words and letters and sentences?
Speaking them only makes them worse
Springing traps of "what you do you mean by that" or "what are you saying" or "I don't understand"
You.
I don't understand
You.
What a terribly horrible thought.
So what's the answer?
Does anyone know?
How to bridge that gap between you and me?
I'm really asking, this isn't rhetorical.

see how lacking words are
Jack Nov 2016
Why haven't you faded?
Why am I still nervous when I see you walk towards me?
Will we be awkward now?
We'll be awkward now.
No
We're easy
Will we know what to say?
We'll run dry within the hour.
No
We go on for days
Will we still like each other?
We'll realize we've grown apart.
No
We know each other 10 lifetimes and over and over again
Why?
I wish we didn't
It would make things so much easier
I want you to fade away
Bc I am afraid.
I am afraid of what it means
if you don't
that you aren't
that you haven't
I'm afraid it means I'm weak
I'm afraid it means I'm selfish
I'm afraid it means I'm the same
Please don't let me be the same.
As a year ago
A month ago
A day ago
I'm afraid bc I know you still love me
But I'm afraid to love you back now
Bc what if that means
I'm stuck forever?

If I can just let you go
If I can just not love you
If I can just let you fade
away
It means I've stepped forwards
Oh how backwards.
Shouldn't I want you to stay
As I change
And grow
And become...
Me?
Yes
In fact
I think it's all I've ever wanted
And I do
But I need more time.
Oh, my love.
I need more time.
Just to know it's real
Just in case it isn't
Don't fade just yet.
Not yet
Jack Oct 2016
4 Circle East
You haunt my dreams
And my nightmares
And my thoughts
And my ideas
of happiness and others.

Every fictional house is you
Every read kitchen
and bedroom
and neighborhood
They're all you
Every fictional character
Must live in you
Bc the books I like have happy endings
And everyday loveliness  
Splashed with an adventure now and again
and that's you

4 Circle East,
You've got an island
A park
A willow
And me
But I shouldn't be there
I am the thing that doesn't belong
and yet there I am
Who has who?
Do you have me?
Or have I trapped you?
Refusing to let you go
Clutching you with tiny hands
That however small still have the strength to hold you seemingly forever
Or is it you who's doing the holding?
Wanting to be loved and remembered
As something more sacred
than just some house
I guess we're holding each other
But I can't hold you anymore
Not in that way
My hands, bigger now,
Need to rest
I suspect you do too
Afterall you're just a house
You don't even have hands to hold things in
Just rooms that have long since changed
Since the last time I saw them
Empty and leaving you

So how do we do this, 4 Circle East?
If you got any ideas
I'm open to suggestions
Jack Oct 2016
Some people
are mirages.
They are completely real
and yet altogether
do not exist.
You see them and you want them
Oh! how you long to taste their cool, refreshing streams
Oh! how you long to bask in their icy, protective shades
Oh! how you long to visit them over
and over
and over

And yet
You cannot.
"Why?"
You think
Where is the stream?
Where is the shade?
Where is my paradise?
Can I not visit it once more and again and again?

No,
You cannot.
For mirages only exist
when you need them to.
Deserts
to be exact.
Where there is nothing
and you are desperate
and thirsty
and hot
and dying.
You needed that stream
so it flowed
and was real.
You longed for that shade
so it grew
and was real.
You were dying
so you made up a person
and called it your paradise.

But the phenomenon here is
Your paradise, your mirage,
the person you invented,
really does exist.
In fact, they helped you invent them.
You see
Mirages are all sparkly and waiting and beautiful
With emptiness underneath
They long to be invented.

"A stream? Here it is, it has always existed."

"Shade? ah yes, this tree has sat here a thousand years
waiting for you."

"Leave you? Never, you can visit me any time you like,
in fact it is you who leaves me."

These people, these Mirage people
exist between two worlds
quite on purpose, it seems.
That way,
they never choose unwisely
Or face reality
Or live their lives.
But somehow,
I don't believe they're aware of any of this
at all.

How sad it must be
to be a Mirage Person
And never, truly exist.
Jack Sep 2016
I need to go home
This isn't home
I need to go home
There's snow
And clear air
And clear eyes and heart and soul
Things die fully
And come back new
Night is night
Day is day
The ground is there
And I can touch it
I can't touch it here
I've tried
Oh how I'm weary of not touching the ground.
And the dead and the earth and the universe
I can touch it all there
I need to touch it again
Or I will die.
My immortal soul will grow old and wither
Just as souls aren't meant to do

I need to go home
My eyes are beautiful there.
I want my eyes to be beautiful again
Even more than I don't want my soul to die

It's time to go home.
Jack Jul 2016
I wanna be baby bear
I want my gross porridge to be a reasonable edible temperature
I wanna be hot but not a scalding sun
And cold but just enough
I wanna be baby bear
I want my chair to be so comfortable that you break it into a million pieces
Because as soon as you perfectly fit
It can do nothing else but explode
I wanna be baby bear
Because then my bed would be so incredible that you're still in it

Not too hot
Not too cold
Not too big
Not too small
Not too hard
Not too soft
Or far too much
Or never enough

If only I could be just right
Bc then maybe
Just maybe
You'd pick me

As strange as it sounds,
I'd really like to be baby bear

That guy's really got a lot goin for him.
Jack May 2016
The war is over
When did it end?
Or start actually
Strange I thought it would go on forever
I guess that's how they always feel
Though I don't think I wanted it to
I guess I never realized it was one to begin with
Probably because it was with myself and not someone else
Those are the invisible ones.
You had one too
But it wasn't with me
Two wars uniting under one
I can't say I'll miss the war
No one ever does
But I'll miss the farm.
Oh
How I will miss the farm
So many nights and memories
And Inmans
(Though I can't  say I'll miss those)
But I'll miss you
But what's strange is you're not dead
Or missing in action
Or any of the usual war endings
you're just not there
And neither is the farm
And neither am I
We can't be you see
Because the war ended.
I think you've noticed too
I guess what surprises me the most is I think that's okay
Wars have to end and history has to move on
But there's a reason we remember wars
They stand for things we decide we would rather die for than go without
This one stood for love.
You will always be my Ada.
I will always be your Ruby.
And I'll remember this war
for the next 150 years.
I love ya, darlin. Looks like the sky finally fell on our heads.
Probably so we could see our new ones.
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