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 Nov 2017 Illona
AJ Bactol
I am a happy person. I’m full of love and happiness. I welcome mornings with a smile and will to be alive. But that time came, the time when it’s so hard to get up in the morning. The time when it’s so hard to eat; to talk; and even to breathe. The time when I thought giving up is the only solution to all of this. The time when sadness, anger, confusion, and hopelessness ate me alive.

I personally didn’t think I can make it, but you did.

For the friend who stood by me when I can’t even stand on my own; who stood by me through the disaster; who never left me; who never let go of my hand, telling me that everything will be okay and this disaster will fade and will turn into rainbows and ponies.

For the friend who never judged me because of who I am and what I am going through; who accepted my flaws; who helped me embrace my own; who endured the times when my heart and mind ached, grieved, and tortured, and believed in me, that I can be healed and recovered.

For the friend who, when everything was falling apart for me, gave me hope; who gave me a place to live and air to breathe; who gave me the strength and will to live; who gave me faith that this world wasn’t a source of vexation and pain and everything will begin to change.

For the friend who never stopped telling me that this will all end - that it will take a while but it will all be worth it; who never gets tired of picking up the broken pieces of myself; who never gets so sick of joining me to sit in the dark and go through my paranoid mind; who never gave up on me, pushing me to make it through the storm eating me alive.

You made me smile when I thought I couldn’t.
You embraced me with love and care.
You spitted out words that made me strong.
You made me believe that I can make it.
You waited for me to heal.
You saw me at my worst yet you never stopped.
You never left.

Thank you.
 Nov 2017 Illona
AzealAngel
From afar I admire you
your beauty and your grace
the way you push hair behidn your ear that has fallen to your face
your brillance..you're o so intelligent
the way you speak in class
so bold and without fear
the sparkle for learning in your eyes
that look so pure and clear
All of these things, only perceived by me from afar
I wish to know yout thoughts
likes, dislikes, and hobbies
your opinion on politics
Do you about the trees?
What is your faith?
Do you have pets?
Your favorite book, movie, food.
What is it that you are passionate about?
My dear Brazil
I want to talk to you
To obtain all the answer to every question I wish to ask you
This morning in the rain you were only a few feet away
all alone were you
But my feet, they would not move
So I did not go to you
Instead I watched my Beautiful Brazil place her earphones in her ear
We could have talked and laughed
But we didn't cause I am ruled by fear
Alas, My Beautiful Brazil
I am not your average admirer
No, not at all
But until I gather up the courage
The strength to loose my fear
I'll admire you from afar
My Beautiful Brazil
Yes, its about a girl..lol
 Nov 2017 Illona
Cerasium
I am a bad person
I don't belong here
I never did

Don't you see
I'm a nothing
A nobody

An emo piece of trash
That should never have existed
I get called ****
I get called fat

And yet
I won't eat
My body won't let me
And it hurts

4 days
4 days with nothing
4 long days with crying
4 days telling myself I should go

4 days telling myself
You all would be better off
If I wasn't here

You would be
And he tried to stop me

Break downs
Not eating
Cutting

I thought I was doing good
But the cycle goes on and on
And he was the only one to notice

I hide behind a fake mask
So none of you will worry
But what do I get

I play mad so you won't see I'm sad
I play happy so you won't see I'm tired

I get blocked
I get called names
And worst of all

I thought I was getting better
But I broke
So have fun

And I'll have fun as me
And my blocked life
 Nov 2017 Illona
T
Shhhh
 Nov 2017 Illona
T
Shhhhh did you hear me scream
Shhhhh it's in your dreams
Shhhhh did hear me cry
Shhhhh can you tell me why
Why am I screaming and crying
Why do I feel like I am dying
Shhhhh why do I look so sad
Shhhhh why is she so mad
Tell me why we didn't just talk
Why did I just get up and walk
Shhhhh do you know how you make me feel
Shhhhh why is this so unreal
I know this love is in my heart
I think it just needs a kick-start
Shhhhh why do I stare at the phone
Shhhhh why do i feel so alone.
Wandering
 Nov 2017 Illona
Abigail Card
Drying
 Nov 2017 Illona
Abigail Card
You were sitting there
denying.

While I laid on our bed
slowly drying.

And you wouldn't have been able to tell
from looking,

which                                      
one                                
of                          
us                    
was            
dying.
 Oct 2017 Illona
FormlessMars
Writing creates a paradigm.

Much like a camera, it is a paradigm that we can look through in order to see the world, or create one, from a different perspective.

I decided to step away from my art and look at the lens itself instead of looking through it.

What I found is that we are able to paint pictures with words, pictures that don’t exist and we can create artworks with those pictures that allow you to see them in the most magical way possible while knowing that each artwork is different and unique depending on the person that composes it.

It is being able to travel the world as we know it through symbols and letters while not moving an inch from where we are in time and lead ourselves to a beautiful yet twisted sense of duality.

Maybe it’s the feeling of godhood in creating life, worlds or even stories yet I am still human but I become a god outside of time.

I take my imagination and make it tangible.

They say actions speak louder than words but I am a writer and words are all I have. So, maybe one day, as these words drip from my fingertips they will find you and they will drown your thoughts with beautiful pictures and hopefully, you might just understand,

Why we write.

They say actions speak louder than words,

But there’s still a reason why the pen is mightier than the sword.
Trying to express a passionate love with words is harder than it looks...
 Oct 2017 Illona
betterdays
was
 Oct 2017 Illona
betterdays
was
was a time when
hills were mountains
rivers small trickling streams
towering trees, dormant seeds

was a time when
skies were clear of smoke
seas plentiful of whales and fish
the planets skin unmarked by greed

was a time when
life was hard but some how simpler
when you knew your neighbor, perhaps
even the whole block or town
when kids played til twilight and came
home to doors unlocked and books to read

when the most you borrowed with out great thought
was a cup of sugar or the neighbors saw
was a time, when courtesy was a given
and kindness was common

was a time....there was a time....almost a lifetime ago
thinking on the changes in perception and custom....
 Oct 2017 Illona
Svode
Do you hear it?
It's the smell of colors,
The sight of sound,
The taste of light,
The warmth of the voices.

I follow them
They take me to my future
and make me forget my past.
They
Make
Me
Forget
My
Past.

Some might call me insane,
For following my heart,
But I swear that I hear them,
(Especially when I'm alone).

One day I listened,
and followed my soul.
What would it let me do tonight?
What does the future hold for me?
Where will I be when the skies are bright?
What mental state counts as "alright"?

The smell of colors,
The sight of sound,
The taste of light,
The warmth of voices.
Don't tell me your deaf and blind,
to what's obviously there,
maybe you too can adhere to these,
if you might dare to care.
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