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Feb 2019 · 304
The fight again
Hunter Feb 2019
A sudden burst of sound jolts me from sleep,
I am now awake and listening closely,
my room is dark and the streetlights outside are all burnt out,
car doors close and someone swears outside my door.

The home alarm beeps and I know mother is home,
and through muffled voices I hear her and my stepfather,
I poke my head out my door and can see her defensive stance,
she is ready to explain her late arrival,
dressed in nice clothes and her hair still groomed,
a stark contrast again her grimey boyfriend with stains down his front.

It is the same as usual,
an argument about the workload divide in this house,
mother is crying and her lover is screaming,
and neither consider the children watching.

A turn towards the stairs and I close my door,
I climb back into my bed and his words burn into my skull,
and mother’s crying as permanent as always,
my room is dark and the streetlights outside are all burnt out.

Always defensive and never offensive,
mother will never have control of her life.
my english class required me to write a poem based upon Kay Smith's "Family Group", basically 4 stanzas (introduction, description, actions, closing) then two lines passing judgement. it had to be about an event we witnessed but were not directly a part of.
Feb 2019 · 188
Hunter Feb 2019
By 20, I hope that I am happy.
By 25, I hope that I am happy.
By 30, I hope that I am happy.
By 35, I hope that I am happy.
By 40, I hope that I am happy.
By 45, I hope that I am happy.
By 50, I hope that I am happy.
By 55, I hope that I am happy.
By 60, I hope that I am happy.
By 65, I hope that I am happy.
By 70, I hope that I am happy.
By 75, I hope that I am happy.
By 80, I hope that I am happy.
My English teacher asked us to write a poem using "by ___, I hope that I..." for every 5 years, and in an act of pure defiance, I decided to not. I'm still only 16 and I don't know what I want to do with my life, I just want to be happy.
Dec 2018 · 100
Far Away
Hunter Dec 2018
Missing you is a monster that i am devoured by today
you live so far away
i want to be held tight in your arms
i wish you were here

i am constantly strained by desire
the wish to go to you
you live so far away
come and visit again soon

this tightening feeling in my chest
a consistent coil wrapping around and around
compressing me and tearing into me in lines thinner than those of your smile
you live so far away

i want to feel the heat of your eyes
the burning brown of forests and mud
sear into my heart will that everlasting glare
you live so far away

i desire the chill of your smile
the cool tingles running up and down my back along your fingers
the ice cold winters set upon me by your toothy grin
you live so far away

i would die to hear your voice
the way you say my name like it is the most precious relic left of a civilization lost long ago to the earth
your laugh as it pierces the silence like a stake into my heart
soft whispering into my ear leading me in and out of dreams of you
you live so far away

the way your fingers drag along my skin
and your hand rested on my thigh
the way we laugh first thing in the morning
and last thing before bed
the way the snow falls when you leave
and the sun shines when you come back
the way you can cheer me up in seconds
when i have felt low for years
and the way my entire world ends without you here
like my head is swirling
and my heart is flipping
and my stomach is twisting
and my hands are aching
and my feet are sore
and my mind hurts
and i miss you will every ounce of my being

you live too far away
idk just ranting i guess
Sep 2018 · 129
Hunter Sep 2018
Your smoke engulfs me and I feel warm and comfortable again

How I’ve missed you
I miss him I guess
Sep 2018 · 1.1k
Forgetting You
Hunter Sep 2018
I thought I would never see you again
I convinced myself I didn't want to
I knew it was a lie
Every time I breathed those thoughts
And then I saw you again

I knew you would remember me
Of course you would
After all the time we spent together
You knew who I was
But had very little memory of what happened
Especially after the first month

I tried to put the pain away
But it burned in my lungs to talk to you
It felt like knives along my skin to touch you
I couldn't breathe
But I pushed through

I thought I'd be mad at you
After what you did
And how you hurt me
I was so sure I'd hate you
But it was as if nothing had happened
As if no time had passed since it was good

I'd consider you my best friend
Sometimes it still hurts
I try to ignore it
Because being your friend
Is worth the pain
At least that's what I tell myself

Sometimes I think I might have fallen for you
Most times I think that's a terrible thing
But I really like you
And you don't like me
And it *****
But I know you can't change your feelings

I think I should try to forget you
I try to not text you ever again
I always fail in under a day
Missing you is so easy
Forgetting you is so hard

I know I should distance myself
I know I need space
I know you need space
I'm aware of what I've done
I've tried
I'm sorry

I'm not strong enough
Hunter Sep 2018
Step 1:
Realize that winning at life does not mean that you beat others, but rather that you beat life itself. Realize that the only thing holding you back is life's grip on you that convinces you that you can't beat it. Break free of it. You're not seized by death, but by life.

Step 2:
Take care of yourself. Self-care is the most important, specifically the hard stuff. Clean your house, one room at a time. Shower, brush your hair and teeth, go for a walk outside, exercise, cook proper meals. You're not helping yourself at all by doing things you already do and enjoy. If you don't change yourself then the world won't change around you. Better yourself and everything else will follow closely in your wake.

Step 3:
Accept that happiness is a reward and not a gift. Accept that happiness is fleeting and you will have to continue to work for it if you want to keep getting it.

Step 4:
Listen to music you enjoy. Listen to music that matches your mood. Listen to music that inspires you. Trust me, it's important and you'll even enjoy it.

Step 5:
Be mature, but never grow up. Remember how to be a kid, but keep in mind that you have to be an adult sometimes. If you can decipher when each are appropriate then life will be significantly easier.

Step 6:
Get over it. It's harsh, but it's true. If you keep dwelling on things that happened in the past and are irreversible then how will you find the time to make sure the future turns out better?

Step 7:
Remember that you have plenty of time left, but that you have much control over how plenty. Remember you were born with enough time to do everything you want, but if you waste it then you'll lose it and can never get it back. Remember that if you enjoyed wasting the time then the time wasn't wasted and that you will die eventually.

Step 8:
Acknowledge that forgiveness is not a requirement. You do not have to forgive anyone who has hurt you, but people say it's nice.

Step 9:
Remind yourself that your health is more important than others' comfort. If someone feels better at your expense then they need to stop. Take care of yourself first, other people have their own coping mechanisms and they will get over it. You are your priority, no matter what.

Step 10:
Never forget that all problems have solutions. If you feel stuck, think. You'll eventually realize you know how to solve all of your problems. Never forget that solutions might not solve every problem at once, and you need to pick what's most important and what can be saved for later.

Step 11:
Accept that the future might be worse. Especially if you're in an environment you don't have full control over, things out of your hands could change for the worse. Accept that you can change most things however, and you can decide when things get better.

Step 12:
Know that there will come a time when you'll be forgotten forever and that will be so freeing. After you die, someone will think about you for the very last time and you'll be truly free. Nothing you do in life will last forever and soon everyone will have forgotten you ever existed, and it will be good.

Step 13:
Don't be superstitious. You'll worry more than you already do.

Step 14:
Realize that you won't ever get a positive answer unless you ask. No one will tell you yes unless you express that that's what you want to hear.

Step 15:
Listen to your doctors. Take your medications. Do your exercises. They studies for many years to tell you how to not die, listen to them. I promise they know more about how to help you than a random article online with no sources of sustenance.

Step 16:
Trust your gut. If you even stop to seriously consider something, it's probably at least a little bit true. If something is wrong, you will know it. You also know when that opinion is yours, or the one you've been tricked into believing is yours.

Step 17:
Think about the past. In moderation. Realize that the past is only as good as you remember it, and if you think it's better than the present then you will grow to despise the present. Realize that even if the past was better, you cannot go back and it passed for a reason.

Step 18:
Don't get back together with an ex. You broke up for a reason. Unless everything was a misunderstanding, in which case maybe. Even if you look back on your break up and think the reasons were foolish, remember that they hurt someone enough for you to break up. That will permanently damage your relationship, even if you try your hardest to fix everything.

Step 19:
Realize that you don't need to take advise from a random sixteen year old over the internet. Realize you can and should disregard any previous steps if you disagree.

Step 20:
Die knowing you lived.
Sep 2018 · 278
Single file line
Hunter Sep 2018
Single file line
Stand up straight
Sit cross legged
Don’t talk

Single file line
Stand up straight
Sit cross legged
Don’t talk

Take a buddy
Stand up straight
Sit cross legged
Don’t talk

Take a buddy
Stand up straight
Sit at your desk
Don’t talk

Take a buddy
Don’t leave your seat
Sit at your desk
No talking

Hurry back
Don’t leave your seat
Sit at your desk
No talking

If everything
Was to prepare me
For real life
Or the next grade
Why do you
Keep changing
The instructions
And why did no one
Ever teach me
How to talk
Sep 2018 · 341
My Shoes are Dirty
Hunter Sep 2018
Mum doesn’t like my shoes
she says they look *****
she’s right
my shoes are very *****

Mum doesn’t like my shoes
she says the writing on them is dramatic
she’s right
the writing on my shoes is very dramatic

Mum doesn’t like my shoes
she says the holes are annoying
she’s right
the holes in my shoes are very annoying

I like my shoes
they’re ***** with the Earth I celebrate living on
they’re covered in writings from songs that define me
I could probably do without the holes
Sep 2018 · 236
The Blackness of the Night
Hunter Sep 2018
I like to be in my room with the lights off
I like the way darkness feels as it wraps it’s cold hand around me
I like how quiet the lack of light can appear to be
And how loud it is when you learn to listen

I like when there are no street lights on outside my window
When I’m not the only one covered in the blackness of the night
It is so hard to feel alone when everyone is the same
Stuck in the timeless embrace of shadows


Again and again the sun will rise
And it will cover the earth as if it had never left
Leaving the opposite to feel what i had felt
Warming my face with the daily schedule

When the sun is up I have to do everything
When the sun is down I get to do anything
The biggest difference imaginable by just two words
Could be the reason anyone ever truly lives

— The End —