your eyes wash over me
waves crashing on sand
stripping the beach of its substance

silence stretches between us
growing, blooming
splitting our love into pieces
vines intangling and overtaking

something cold drops from my tear ducts
my heart aches
everything is swallowed
****** into the depth of pain, wretching my body
shaking like an earthquake

you walk away
lowering your head
I howl at you but you keep drifting away
sailing through the ocean that is my mind
the wind whispers to me that you were never mine
you only acted like a gem in my crown,
blending in, but never matching

suddenly I am warm, burning
surrounded by the flames set by you
but the warmth is not enough to throw my winter aside
your lies will not burn my walls down
we are done
I've thrown us aside to make way for a new world to grow
but your roots linger underneath the soil

marriage isn't dragging the kids into the problems
it isn't aggressively leaving after a fight
it's not sleeping in separate rooms because you couldn't listen to each other
or shouting over the dogs barking, complaining without care

marriage isn't gossiping about the worse of your love to your family
it isn't laying hands on your love or rejecting their opinion  
it is not losing value in the relationship and considering separation

marriage isn't ignoring your one-year-old to sleep so your love has to deal with its crying and the messy house
it is not neglecting the responsibility to get a job and not supporting your family
it isn't rejection or ignorance

marriage is
love
acceptance
honesty
respect
devotion

its everything you haven't shown me
so thank you for showing me what marriage isn't

I told you my opinion about this little yellow car we rode behind on our way home
you barked back your opinion about "how I liked that ****" as you phrased it
we drop to silence
im suddenly aware of the position of my hands in my lap
and im aware of how trapped I am

busy movement of dinner time
frantic dashing to make a dish
insults were thrown in as spices
bitter as they roll into the ***
oven alarms blare to make us aware of how loud we are yelling
a spoon has fallen, but so has some tears
"it's ready" has been uttered

the blur of busy has stopped
we shift to the table
the table is set,
and I'm set for the argument sure to disrupt  
silence seeps out of open mouths
chewing and calculating the next move
its dinner time after all
no one is satisfied until the dishes are done

Your heavy, hot air scorches my face
Bumpy, twisting roads lined with leaves of fall
Condensation on the windows
Keep going is the mantra playing in my head
You are fidgeting,
     you're nervous, but what for?
This moment we share is going well
You look swell, you always do

she held my heart in her cold hands

tentatively gentle she placed in her box

her box was filled with our memories piled high

something material of mine covered where my heart will be placed

I let her into my life so much, she became my life

the only reason I existed was to be in the presence of the goddess

it was her that ended me, I begged her to do it

begged on my hands and knees, tears flooding my vision

she was gentle with my request but she was vengeful for my fall

my head was picked up by her tugging on my hair

it was a short, sweet ending, swiftly but slow all at once

my love took my life from my will and served it chilled

frozen over like her own, silver platter or gold?

I wished for the pieced existence to be whole again

it was okay, I was dead and embedded in a box, wrapped in silk

she was alive and cleanse her need for bloodshed

her eyes seemed heavy and her will dripped from her eyes

Was she crying? out of shame of a more display of torture or of guilt for slaying a soul so loyal to her

I would never know because that box became my home

wrapped in silk on top of my gown, I lay frozen over



and she frowned