You always wore
your face of frowns
Like a Queen possesses
all her crowns

The mornings found you
so depleted
All your will
had been defeated

You paid your dues
for cost analysis
They held the cup
for urinalysis

It's all there in
the black on white
Carved in skin
so pink and tight

You find
you're found
Roped , gagged
and bound

Estranged from
the freedom of life
Entangled
with all it's strife

And as , at last
the evening calls
Before the ghosts
stroll the halls

You prepare with such anticipation
For another night's
exhilaration

The sun strikes my eyes
As I turn my head, left
To look out
The ***** window.

And it suddenly
Hits me.

Searing my eyes
With pain.

Blinding my mind
With white magical light.

At that moment
I think...

No...
I don't think.

I simply close
My eye lids
And with my mouth
I smile.

The widest smile-
The corners of my lips
Reaching my cheeks.

And I breathe.
Breathe and beam.

Enjoying this moment.

The sun
And me.

Rope
There's no point in splitting hairs
No point in pointing a finger
It's done
The pages are all torn
Trashed and scattered
And dragged through the gutter
Like yesterdays garbage
And all that rope
I supposedly gave
A phantom
There never was a rope,
A leash, nor a chain
Those things are not for sale
At the well
No there never was a rope
Except perhaps
For  the one attached
To the water bucket
From which
We still
Quietly sip
Through
The miles
Of sea
And storm
And time
As long as we stay
This way
This well
Will never dry up

2016-2017 for the attempt to make unconditional, the conditional.

You lie beside me
with romantic feelings inside
But they no longer exist for me
and I know every reason why

I do not feel guilty
for not giving you what you desire
I’ve spent years pretending
there were flames feeding my fire

Early on fear took control
and you began to sculpt me
crafting and moulding
until I became acceptable

I wanted to please you
and went along with your ploy
But I was blind to your agenda
and what you were going to destroy

Weeks turned into months
months into years
Decades have now passed
and you finally admit to your fears

Confessions cannot mend
what never was whole
You stripped my identity
and it’s taken its toll

The truth is my love
has diminished and faded
Your obsession with oppression
has left me apathetic and jaded

Today I am bound and determined
to shed your sallowed skin
and reclaim the original beauty
that has always existed within

i heard the siren.
    i heard the shrieks tear through the night,
but i couldn’t see anything.
    i thought i felt your hand,
but my fingers grasped at shreds of cloth
    and all i found was theft.

a sudden breath of air,
    my arms dancing by my sides-
my body knew this routine but my mind didn’t.
    my bloodstream suddenly infected,
i realize i lost count.

a tiny white gateway.
    it sneaks down my throat,
makes a home in my abandoned shack of a body.
    not long now…

and i wondered-
    "is this what it's like to be dead?"
there’s no one waiting for me.
    not anymore.

so you can call, my friend.
    but i won't hear you.
my eyes don’t search anymore,
    i'm not coming home.

the glow that once came from my house will be dim.
    because sometimes
        the lights
            don’t
                turn
                   ­ on.