i stand on the edge,
toes curled over,
urging me to step forward,
just one step,
just one,
you can do it,
believe,
step,
step...

the wind whips by me,
grabbing my hair as if trying to pull me towards it,
and i close my eyes;
if i close my eyes it doesn't seem so scary,
if i close my eyes i could just be walking down the street,
close your eyes,
eyes closed...

i don't hear anything any more.
the people in my classes,
dogs barking in backyards,
no more satellites.
i pass faces in the hallway but all they are are smudges.
it's like i'm part of this modern art piece but i don't know who the artist is.
god?
are you there?
no answer.
but maybe i'm screaming into an empty sky.

below me is the sea.
an ocean of pebbles and grass,
rolling what seems to be a mile down.
four stories can seem like a lifetime to be falling.
falling,
falling,
free-fall,
no destination,
my final destination.

from my trestle i take one last surveillance of the world i know.

my body goes limp...




then he grabs me.

Forced by covenant to conceal
The wound you carry deep
Too dangerous far to now reveal
The secret you must keep

The truth, it’s said, can set you free
Whose truth, I ask my heart
Some truth must hide, to shadow flee
Or slay as a poisoned dart

A truth which must be guarded well
Though to be shouted loud it cries
Must be restrained and forced to dwell
Within a citadel of lies

A soaring fort of alabaster walls
Splendid turrets as disguise
Conceals pits beneath its gilded halls
Where love lies brutalized

Though we ache for all the world to see
To the heart, it matters naught
Two souls are not united by decree
Nor love with license bought

So truth must wait and a prisoner remain
In lonely cell, there to abide
Believe dreams of freedom are not in vain
That gates, one day, will open wide

I'm sorry for what I said
I never called
you say this
and I that
so what will it be
can we still talk

I'm your world
you are my sun
I don't look out for you
I don't want to see you
I like the way you shine
I love the way your warm me up
I never want to see you
I keep you away

I'm sorry
I never answer your calls
I've become distant
trust issues
and insecurities
have torn me up
I can't look into
anyone's eyes
speak the truth

I'm your world
you're the moon
you're the wind
I can't see you

no
I'm wrong
I'm the moon
I'm the clouds
I'm the sun
I'm the wind
that passes by
I vanish
I'm so transparent
I've disappeared

can you even see me
for who I am

or have I become someone else

when I leave

will you search the universe for me

I'm your world
now you are mine

I know you’ve heard these words before
I've said them many times before
I wish that I could use them more
To make things better like before

There was a time these words had meaning
Sheathed in heartfelt cries and feelings
But a shaman who can't heal
Is just a man and nothing more

Like worn-out, old and ***** pennies
Now diluted by the many
There's so many, many pennies
Don't care there's one on my floor

My cries of “wolf” no longer heeded
When these words are truly needed
To the darkness they've receded
Blindly searching for that door

In my chest still beats a heart
While pained regret tears it apart
Can't fix or go back to the start
And you don’t want me anymore

My anger and my finger pointing
Foolishly like I'm anointed
Not the one you are annoyed with
You were wrong; I was so sure

Attentively I listened to you
In-and-out my ears your words flew
Silenced; Gave no value to you
Truth revealed strikes at my core

Awakening I newly have
With gained awareness of how bad
I took for granted what I had
A rolling tide erodes the shore

Alone I sit and think of when
We were not lovers just good friends
Fun times together that we’d spend
And from that my heart starts to soar

Reality then brings me back
Jolts like a sudden heart attack
A deep sharp pain gives me a whack
I scream until my lungs are sore

Can't fix the memories or replace
My nightmares wake me; Teary-faced
Past filled with guilt, shame and disgrace
Start questioning what life is for