My eyes hurt this morning,
until I saw your smile.

I haven't seen you in so long,
But you were the one
Who introduced my body and mind
To that rich pleasure
That is being with
A beautiful soul.

You ripped the feelings up
And in someone who didn't know
That's how one could feel
You made my sense of self collapse
As I orbited around you.

First you'd gently stroke my hair
Then you kissed my forehead
The first time I hung out with you
You drew me into your mysterious world
Of words that hummed with knowledge
Of movements that burned with lust
Of confidence that held me speechless
And eyes that promised more.

You'd press those kisses into me
You'd grip me with no intent to let go
You pulled me into your sad world
Of feelings that you'd never release
Of pain you'd internalized
Of desperation in all you'd do
And a smile that rose above it.

Your words were soon abandoned
For a more hands-on approach.
You'd let me know what you wanted to say with
The things that you'd do.

I loved you, I know that now.
You were so strange and tempting.
There was no 'us'
Only the desire to be around you.
I needed no explanation,
No reason to see you
Other than you.

Walking along the ridge between two mountains
The air is cool and crisp, and everything that leaps up to get me
Falls to one side or the other
I grow lither, stronger, sleeker, with every step
My voice strengthens and develops new tones, new depth
As I try to sing over the wind
Only I can hear, but I’m safe and comfortable
As I get better and better
I love it here
Amongst the clouds,
Whose vaporous and vague substance
Can sustain me on a diet of airy water
Always available to carry me along
Through the nebulous but constant
Sky.

And the night that falls
Makes me think of all the lights to grab for
The short time I have
The multitude of choices
The renewal
After the pacing movements
And swirling thoughts
Of day
When I look ahead
Knowing I’ll see everything if I keep walking
But the uniform trees and rocks
Obscure the view, keep it secret
I’ll keep stepping
My strides and voice enough to entertain me forever
As they would were I in the wild
I think the wild is here…..
Within and all around me

WHY DID I EVER THINK YOU COULD BE MINE WHEN WE ARE LIKE THE OCEAN AND THE SHORE, CONSTANTLY CRASHING ON EACHOTHER BUT NEVER HARMONIOUSLY FLOWING THROUGH THE SAME WAVES AND WHY DID I LET YOU LET ME FEEL SPECIAL WHEN I KNEW YOU WOULD SLASH MY HEART AND CHAR MY INSIDES WITH YOUR SWEET LIES AND SOFT HELLOS THAT WOULD EVENTUALLY LEAD ME TO MY DEATH

He was my first for a lot of things.
      My first kiss,
      My first infatuation,
      My first night spent cuddling,
      My first lover,
      My first all nighter,
      My first shower buddy.

He was my first real heart break,
      The reason for my first cuts,
      My first night thinking about ending it,
      My first addiction,
      The first boy I ever cried over.

He was a lot of things to me.
He was my first love.
The first person I was every truly afraid to lose.