And when the sun was yanked out of my sky, I let the darkness consume me. For months i let it swallow me whole until all I felt was the emptiness and the loneliness of the abyss. And after all that time, I'm starting to see the light again. Piece by piece I have been rebuilding my sun and now that it is whole again, forgive me if I'm more careful with who I give my light to.

I saw you today for the first time since we ended things. A million thoughts swam through my head but the only thing that came out my mouth was silence. Forgive me if I can't greet you like an old friend, I'm still struggling to understand how you could come in and shatter my heart into little pieces and act as if nothing happened. I don't miss you but sometimes I lay in bed thinking about you and I can't get you out of my head. It's not the "I miss you" kind of thoughts though, it's the " I regret that" kind. I regret letting you push me past my limits and then forcing myself to accept that I really didn't mind. I regret giving in to you because I was afraid to lose you otherwise. I regret every minute I let you treat me less than I deserved. But most of all, I regret staying with you even after I realized you were toxic. It's not still loving you that I'm struggling with, I'm way past that, I'm still trying to love myself again after all you put me through. Did you ever realize what you did to me? Why are you spreading rumors and trying to destroy my reputation? Did you ever even care about me? Why do I even care? What good is regretting all these things going to do?
I saw you today for the first time since we ended things. A million thoughts swam through my head and I'm glad the only thing that came out of my mouth was silence.

Don't ever forget that you are fire, gentle enough to warm the hearts of others, yet strong enough to burn anyone that dares to play with your flames.

And I told myself that I was fine. That I had moved on. I forced myself into believing that the waters were calm and they would remain shallow. But dams can only hold back so much water, and the flood gates seemed to have reached their limits. Now I'm drowning in tears and I can't quite remember how to swim.

And after all the **** you put me through, I still cannot hate you for you had the courage to do what I could not and save me from ruining myself. So instead, I'll think of you with indifference, because you sure as hell don't deserve anymore of my time.

I know you're lonely and tired of being by yourself. You just want someone to give you attention and at this point you are taking whatever you can get. But **** I hope you wait for him. Wait for the boy that doesn't think he deserves a girl as good as you. Wait for the boy who remembers little things you told him during late night conversations. Wait for the boy who knows that you prefer juice boxes to bags and chicken strips to burgers. Wait for the guy who will drive you around with one hand on the steering wheel and the other in your hand. Wait for the guy who will listen to a song on the radio he doesn't even know just so he can listen to you sing along to it. Wait for the guy who's going to treat you like his princess. Don't give pieces of your heart away to everyone who comes walking your way, you deserve so much more.

I feel like I am being ripped open from the inside as my throat fills with fire from the sobs I am choking back. My eyes feel like damns about to burst because the flood gates were never build to contain this many tears. My head won't stop pounding as my thoughts ricochet around in my brain, leaving me with an ache in my skull that never seems to leave. My arms that once wrapped around you for comfort now lay limp at my sides lost without a cause. My legs that once ran up your stairs to see you, I now have to drag through the front door. But what hurts the most is the fact that I should be feeling all this pain but instead all I am left with is a void of emptiness that seems to be absorbing everything. And you can fix a broken heart and you can find someone to wipe away your tears but how, may I ask, am I supposed to fix this?
- *I'm still waiting for an answer