I want to be mad
I want to be mad but I can’t be mad because it’s not your fault that your life is moving faster than mine
I want to be mad but I can’t because every time I almost get mad and I almost yell and I almost throw something
I’m sad and then it’s hard to move and it’s too hard to yell and it’s hard to do anything but cry
I’m sad because you’re beautiful and I love you and you love me but soon you won’t be mine to love anymore
And that hurts more than it angers me
I still feel like if I love you hard enough then you won’t leave
Even though it’s not true
And when I remember that you’re leaving anyways I try so **** hard to feel angry so that I don’t have to feel sad
I’m still sad
I’m still so sad
So sad that it’s hard to eat
So sad that if I laugh it makes me cry
So sad that it gets hard to breathe
And if only my ******* stove worked I could make some tea with honey and calm down
And if only I could close out my computer tabs so I wouldn’t have to look at the birthday presents I can’t get you
And if only you weren’t leaving me I wouldn’t have to wish I was angry just so I don’t have to be so, so sad
Girls my height are supposed to be petite
Skinny and proportional
When I would read seventeen magazine and they would show the best outfits for your body type
Mine was never on there
Not big enough to be curvy
Curvy girls in magazines were curvy all over
and average height
The petite girl wasn't supposed to have curves at all
The petite girl was thin
The petite girl could wear anything
Why can't short girls have *******?
Because when we do, we're a fetish
And for some reason, when you fit a fetish people assume you're there for them.
"I like short girls because you can pick them up when you ****."
"Short girls don't have to get on their knees."
"Can you **** my **** standing up?"
"A C cup on a short girl is like a DD on a normal girl.”
“I like ******* short girls because I can really take control.”
My mom always criticized me for wanting to dress slutty
And it broke my heart because I never wanted to look slutty
I just wanted to wear what my skinny friends could wear
And sometimes it's hard when you can't find high waisted shorts that cover your *** all the time, even right after you stand up from sitting in the car for 30 minutes and they rode up a little, but a little on you is a lot because you don't have a flat *** like all of your friends do, but you can't go a size up because then they're too big and they still don't give you the coverage that at first your mom wanted for you but that you now want yourself because you can feel the heat of people staring because girls like you shouldn't wear those kinds of shorts, and at parties they think it's okay to touch if it's not covered, and you've been in this H&M for 3 hours and nothing fits you like it does that tall, pretty girl with the A cups in the fitting room next to yours,
But how could my mom know that
At 5 ft 4, she weighed 98 lbs on her wedding day
You can wear anything when you look like that
I suppose it sounds better out loud
I can feel your soul when I'm close to you
It gives off a comforting kind of warmth
It's soft and yellow, like candlelight
It flickers from your chest to mine
When you have your arms around me
And you make me feel so safe and in love
When your soul flickers into mine
I am ignited and I can feel you in me
And I give off a comforting kind of warmth
It's soft and yellow, like candlelight
He's better than I am.
Kinder, wiser, much more patient...
It's the patience and kindness that I can't help but envy
I'm so quick to judge.
Others must earn my kindness.
He's one of the rare and beautiful souls that will leave the world better than he found it
It's in his nature to plant seeds in every footstep,
While others trample life beneath them.
He's the Greek goddess who was so lovely that flowers sprung up wherever she went.
But he's different.
He's beautiful on the inside
He leaves something substantial in his path.
Flowers are pretty and fleeting,
but he plants oak trees behind him.
The trees he leaves thrive for centuries, they grow tall and strong and beautiful
Generations upon generations see his trees and they love them
He will leave forests in his wake and maybe no one will know that these forests are his...
But that's not why he leaves them.
Planting seeds in his footsteps is in his nature and I believe that's why I might love him.
I may be broken
And at some times
I feel hollow
I don't love myself
The way that I should
So I'm told
But I love you
More that I thought
I could love anything
You wake up some thing
Inside of me I thought
Was long gone
I feel emotions
That I forgot about
Ones that make me smile
You gave me hope and
Reasons to enjoy my life
I forgot about
I want to do
Everything in my power
To make sure that you
See how beautiful that
You really are the way
I never did
You lift me above
My sins I have committed
To myself and my body
And to those who care
About me and even
You pulled me out
Of the pit of darkness
Filled with the demons
That lived inside me
Filling my head with
I can't thank you
Enough for what you've
Done for my well-being
You showed me the light
And the love that comes
With your help
I sit in the pews
And I read your gospel
Of pretty things that you say
Things that make me okay
Things that lift me up
This word of God of sorts
That divides my soul in half
Tearing the black, tar-like mess
That is myself from it and
Condemning the demons within
To Hell where they came from
Leaving behind a clean, pure
White slate that's just waiting
To be filled with your love
The love you blessed me with
The love I don't deserve but
So willingly take because of
The way you say my name
And make me feel whole again
A feeling that seemed so gone
So long gone that I lost my will
And it became a downhill battle
Slowly but sure surely
Burning my demons with the
Light of your love that I am able
To accept and hold strong to
Without your blessings and
Unconditional love that seems
To be unheard of I couldn't have
Overcome what I have overcome
And it's it your Old Testament
That rewrites my New Testament
Saving it from the flames of hell
That devour the voices in my head
The ones that's scream
"You're not good enough"
"You don't deserve him"
"You'll **** the ones you love
Along with yourself
Create distance before it is too
Late for all of you"
"Maybe hurting yourself will give
You the control that you can't find"
You lifted my crucified heart
From its grave that it laid dead
In for much longer than 3 days
And you removed the nails
And saved it from the devil
Known as self hatred
You held my hands in prayer
And through your hands
Flowed love and freedom
From myself that I needed
You made self love an option
And by looking at you
I just know that
*Your smile is my church
Writing about something you love is
supposed to be easy
But he is composed of words that I am
convinced don't exist yet