Most days, i don't know who the victim is
me, for swallowing lies like salt water?
gulping and gasping and choking
but still adamant in my belief of him, of us
was i wrong to overlook his angry love?
probably.
but him, with his blue eyes filled with pain,
could i ever truly blame him
knowing that the promises i made him
were sticky and sweet and un-keepable?
was he wrong for clipping my wings
even when i was happy to be earthbound?
probably.

who is the true victim in this circumstance?
who feels the most shame?
the crippled bird, unable to remember who she was
or the boy who broke her, and in doing so, broke himself.

Our opia
Was *****
On winter nights and
Beneath the summer sun
You looked at me
And fueled my addiction

Our love
Melancholy melody
Droned on
Through the seasons
A constant craving
Until finally I ran out of you

You left me
My addiction still raging full force
You left me
With no help through detox  
And that is why it killed me

****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****.
Oh, ****.
I'm ******.
Everything's gone to ****
I can't even think straight.
Why now?
I have mid-terms tomorrow
And I can't even think straight
I am alone, so alone
It's all ****** now
And I am so, so alone

Incense and candle wax
Roaches and hookah haze
**** my panic attacks
Numb me into a daze

Guitar strings and piano keys
Gentle breeze and rustling trees
Whispering secrets to my soul
Filling the void patching the hole

Skinny jeans and baggy shirts
Long hair and gentle skin
It heals all of my hurt
The environment I am safe in

Your eyes and soft subtle smile
Content to just stay for awhile
Let my fingertips dance along your arms
Unaware of notifications and ringing alarms

This is my Heaven my Nirvana
My heart talking not the marijuana
You are my drug without the crash
Each passing moment gone in a flash

With you every second is a lifetime
Each one worth repeating
These are simple lines put in rhyme
I just want to feel your heart beating

I feel like I'm living in a house
That has already been packed up.
Displaced things.
Confusing mazes.
Unlabeled boxes,
But never unable to find the *****.

I'm too powerful to be open.
It's not secrets,
It's survival.

.                                                                                                 .
                       Depression is strangling me
                          loneliness is killing me
                   The further i get the more i regret
                      And fear there is no way back
                     When there is no one to talk to
                                Nowhere to go
                      No one to love i feel so alone
                 Im so tired in body head and heart
                      No one to share myself with
                       Even when I'm with others
                             I feel so far away
                       We could be hand in hand
                And i fear i would still be galaxies away
                         No direction nor volition
                           Even though I'm alive
                              I feel dead inside

i met a girl she looked so beautiful and when she spoke it was so chemical she said hi my name is cigarette one kiss of me and you'll love to hate me to death the conversation done she said lets have some fun and that was about 25 kisses ago
she promised to always love me
she promised to always be there
but now shes taking all my money telling me life's not fair
so now i'm picking her up from a gas station tonight even though i know she'll be gone before the morning light i don't know why i put up with her but i know i cant break up with her we constantly fight over my choices in life i know i can't win so i just kiss her again further into despair i go
i make pleads baby why do you do this to me
cancer doesn't sound so pretty
her only reply is we all gotta die might as well die from me
she travels with me everywhere i go i can't help it over this decision i lack control
She promised to love me even when i'm low but i just kissed her for the last time and i need to go buy more
i know that shes killing me i guess its alright as long as i can afford her ill be just fine because when my funds are low and without her i'm forced to go i just lose my mind
i hate i hate you so much but i love i love you too much to let you go i've signed away my fate with you i will stay until into the grave i go