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my body has begun
to bear the weight
you've put on my mind

i don't know how i got
these scratches and bruises
but i'm blaming you

it's easier that way
i hate you i hate you i hate you (no i don't)
I love to toy with my friend Death
I play flat lining catch me if you can
he loves the chase does Death
pity he will never catch one like me

It's fun to induce a fever that burns
just to stand in the outer worlds
I have been doing that, wild
from when I was a little child

It's good to know all your friends
well, don't you think?
would you like to meet my friend
he would be tickled pink, I think

Close to death experiences
they are such a blast
I may have another now
for I am fading fast

By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris
 May 2014 G H Goodland
Styles
I am just sitting here, waiting for you. While you are over there, with my words, touching you. I envy them. I envy their ability to ****** you in ways I could only imagine, and pleasure you in ways, that only I could dream. If I know you two, as well as I do, you are both probably together, somewhere dark and quiet and everyone else in the house is sleeping. They are probably having their way with you, right now. Running around in that mind of yours, putting bad thoughts in your mind, thoughts that you never knew you wanted there, but will never forget. Persuading you to try things, feeling things that you’ve never felt. Levels of pleasure and pain, while exploring regions of your body, that you, never knew existed- finding your weaknesses, make them my strengths, then seducing you with them. To make you wet, they simply pour themselves over your body, dripping down your stomach, seeping into your sweatpants, open your legs and start sliding their fingers up and down the sides of your wet *****. My words guide you thoughts, and your body responds with pleasure. I wish I could hear you moan or just watch you; eyes closed, legs spread-eagle, squirming around under the sheets, grinding yourself against your hand, until you ****** so hard- the contractions squeeze your fingers. But, instead I am just sitting here, waiting for you. While you are over there, with my words, touching you.
I haven’t touched another guy since alex….
I never really thought I would
well not for some time.
I went on a few dates ….even tried it again with alex but knew none of these boys did I want my lips to touch with. 

Until you….

I let you kiss me…
again…
and again….
and then again when you pushed me against my car….
then again when you pushed me down inside my car….
then when I said wait and you said okay It felt good.
I felt everything in my stomach unclench and every wall come down and I thought I would finally be okay 

For that feeling I lied 

For that feeling I entered another bedroom basement

For that feeling I laid in your bed

for that feeling I let myself go

Then you dismissed me….I became a *****…to dramatic…blowing up your phone….annoying you…because clearly you had so much to do that didn’t involve me. 

But each time when I had you between my lips….you had the time to kiss me over and over
you didn’t find me dramatic or ****** with your ****
stuffed down my throat
But I guess once you got what you wanted I was no longer something you wanted to deal with…
Sorry...I'm not sure if this is poetic or just something I needed to get off my chest. I'll probably take it down.
as I hide who I really am
the dance continues

smile

you're on the eyes of everyone around you
 May 2014 G H Goodland
Inevitable
Live the life I lust for. I'll live vicariously through you.
is it so bad?
to take away my happiness for the thought of your smile
I know you're worth more than me in every breath you take
and even though all your wrongs will never make a right
there's always hope for you
there's never hope for me.
so how do I navigate myself through the space between you and me
through murky things built up, hiding in the corners.
and the air is so thick that I need to borrow your grandfather's oxygen mask to fit through the cracks between you and I.
I wish I didn't have to venture there anymore
8 months of things start to build up
and sometimes I fear for my sanity if I should have to venture in there one more time
but if I am to save you, I must go in and never come out
i must carve your words into my skin so I remember
why I am in that place of insanity when you're grinning
and I'm sobbing from the fact that you
will never love me
I will continue to ask myself questions no one should ask
"who am I?why am I here? where am I?"
and perhaps I will have to start marking my skin again
(I will try very hard but soon my mind will pass out and I will have no choice if I wish to remember anything, ever)
so I must fight for you, my dear
(i will start making you happy now, starting with that last line.
you'll have so much fun showing that off and laughing with your comrades in arms)
i must make you happy
i must make everyone happy
because I am the glue that stretches across planets
but is never noticed because
who would notice the glue when the artwork it holds together
is the most beautiful thing in the galaxies
and the glue only makes it possible for the artwork
to breathe in all of the pollution we've caused.
I don't really like this one but oh well
(Girl) When you sing to me
Its too easy to see
Your voice gets me high
Can you let out that sigh and just sing for me?
Will you sing to me?

(Same tempo follows)
2. (Boy) When I sing to you
I see right through
The stars in your eyes
-- its not easy to spy what you want from me.
Tell me what you want from me.

(Change tempo)
3. Its not right for a boy
Who gets what he wants
To be alone in this world
Just so totally lost.
If you could lead me astray
(Guy) For just one day
No, for just one nighttttt ("night" sang together.)

4. (Together) I'll find... a way to uplift this cloud
Just to remove this doubt
And bring you back here now
(Girl) I know (Boy - I know...) (end together) its too hard to say
(Boy) What you'll need another day
(Girl) And what you want today.

(Follow tempo of verse 3.)
5. (Boy) Its too bad for this girl
To sing here tonight
To smell her scent on the air
To see her tears as she cries
I want to make her alright
(Girl) I need you tonight
(Slight overlap)(Boy) Meet me just for tonight?

6. (Together) We'll find... a way to lift up these clouds
A way to remove this doubt.
And stay here together now.
(Boy) Now I know... (Girl - I know...) (end together) what I need to say
(Girl) I know what I want today
Know that we need to stay.

7.(Tempo of 3 and 5)
(Together) Lets just stay here tonight
If only tonight
(Girl) Will you just turn out the light
(Boy ) I'll guess I'll turn out the light.
Because I know what you've got
You've got my heart in a box
(Girl) I need the key to your lock
(Slight overlap)(Boy) You take whatever you want.

8. (Tempo of 1 and 2)
(Girl) When you sang to me
I knew you could see
Your voice got me high
I need to feel this high now, forever
(Together) Lets sing for forever.
(Slow tempo even more)
(Boy) I'll sing to you
I love what you do
You keep me alive
I'll do no less than strive for forever.
2012 - We had just met.
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