hand that holds
tight as the bolts on the bench by the sea
cold waves salt air blizzards and rain
still it sits
pine and steel
bolts fast and strong
so small you almost miss them
they hold me upright
keep me above ground
safe from the cold sand
that invades every inch
shoulder blades that shift and spread like the eagle
seeing through deep dark oceans
the light from above peeking through the waves
waves crash over as they blink
hard to breath
through that frigid air
but oh
when that sweet air comes
how it gives me life
oxygen and serotonin
straight through my veins
arms stretched around
lock me into my sanity
quiet sound
your words as they whisper
the wind takes them through my mind
carries my heart away too
your skin brings it back
quickly
softly
as you are
lips like the flowers
too delicate to touch
to beautiful to ignore
i watch you weather the storms
watch you come back each year
after winter and fall
through each fracture no matter how small
you arrive
you return
you grow and you yearn
for the sun and the rain
for the new from the old

No books in my shelves.
No songs in my head.
No hearts in my heart.

There are not enough drugs for the pressure to ease.
The struggle to feel baby, nothing can release me.
Highs always come crashing down.
Every bridge burns to the ground.

A chest with no toys.
A board with no pieces.
You tore me to pieces.
Stealing all my peace.

Hurricane winds and messy minds.
My thighs around your waist, nothing can ease me.
Night loving never seems to ease me.

I am a ghost of who I'm not.
Just a person filling this slot.
Emotionless robot bracing for a fall.

All just leading to no healing.
Wrapped around your heart.
I am just another knot you cut off.

Dropping to the floor.
The fire burned me.
There is no fight left in me.

Nothing I can do to make it right.
Take my armor and, put my sword right through me.
Leave me to die, there's nothing good left in me.

I'm sorry but, I'm leaving me.
Put a peace sign up.
Nothing can come from me.

my body has no desire to stand tall
my shoulder slump
i bend farther and farther
stretching down towards the mud
my soul slides down
i sink in the dirt
my hands grasp the ground
my heart continues to pound
without you there is no where to go
my body decays in this soil
weeds will grow
this flower you bred
it is withered but not dead
i cant let go of this hope
as my remains move down
this dark desert *****
this graveyard of bones
dry and cracked
memories wont leave me alone
why do i say goodbye to the ones i love
and chase after comets that have passed by years ago
while the fire is burning
i will carry my heart through
the flame and the hellfire
to get to you
but why when i knock
you always are gone
so i knock
still i call
my fists meet that door
till my knuckles are cracked
and broken and bruised
my eyes bleed hot raindrops of fear
of this emptiness that fills
and this loneliness that kills
in a room filled with people
i only saw you
in a room filled with friends
im a stranger
brand new
im too unpretty
too kind
too bitter and too deep in my own mind
i feel fat with this laziness
unwillingness to grow
i just want to drift away forever
or at least until the snow
freezes over this ground
where those weeds are found
so i never again can grow
so i never again can hope
oh who the hell knows
just hold me again
and then i can go
peacefully ill leave
but your heart i do need
oh your blood i do bleed

you made me
forget
forget
for
all the demons that chased me
you made me whole,
without trying to replace me.
you filled in the gaps without reaching too far.
and cut my soul open.
without leaving a scar.

and the more she looked
the closer she        stood
to the                                  edge
of that                                    cliff
where she'd stay
the army of those who won't look dead in the eye
marched onwards as her confidence continued to decay
like crumbling walls and bro
-ken fences
her mind
those thousands of uneasy neurons
remained present till the last warm soft
                                                     drop
spilled out onto the rocky ground
and every glance in the mirror
took from her a lifetime