like walking on eggshells
worse
walking on shards of glass
broken window pane
i leaned too far out this time

afraid of every moment
terrified
that every breath
will be the one to break me open

scared
of spilling over and out
like blood on a new carpet
there's no cleaning this mess

i convince myself it's just my dreaming
but even in sleep i am awake
there is no pretending
there are some roads we simply must take

i may not like this one
i may hate this path with every ounce of meaning
every once of life i have left
but i guess that's why life is funny
it's not always about the journey
nor the destination
its not about choosing a path
not about the road less taken
it's about continuing down that road
taking each step in this dark alley
not because i want to
not because i have to
but because that's life
to keep going
to keep going
until you are you again
until i am me again
i'll keep going
i know soon
i'll find that path
that feels a little more like home

i feel as though i am walking through oblivion
and i cannot decide what's worse
the feeling of the earth beneath my feet
my heart floating somewhere in space
or the knowing
that to feel myself whole again
i'll have to shoot it down

if i take that breathless step towards oblivion would hope follow me or would this emptiness swallow me whole?

looking at those photographs
scrappy edges
wiry film
blurry but not hazy
hazy but not blurry
silent but speaking
in some tongue foreign to me
yet strangely familiar
like an old postcard
ink worn but scented with memories
pictures of people
pictures of things
broken-down cars
old lonesome barns
store fronts
alleyways
colors and tones
washes and finishes
edited
untouched

i saw you in them
or maybe i saw myself
perhaps it was both of us

im outside my body
i saw myself in you
i dont know where you are
i hope you are in happiness
wherever that is
wherever you may be
i dont know where i went

maybe i can find it
that drop of innocence left behind
long ago forgotten
the perpetual search for childhood
the ache for simplicity
longing for something solid
to stop us all from being swept away in the madness
in a world with so much chaos
so violent with envy and lust

those pictures made me sad
and i felt an emptiness i have not felt so incessantly
as if the whole sea had been poured out
over the desert
running out of dry land
no where new to go
no more room left to grow

looking at these frozen moments
these snapshots of stillness in in a world that is spinning
you manage to find the perfect silence
in all of this deafening violence
a momentary pause from perpetual motion
laughter and sunshine
held in place as if god closed her eyes so that for just one moment, the world could hold its breath
and you could bottle it all up
shadows and highlights climbing out of frame
colors flowing
to greet me in my monochrome

they make me ache to feel those memories
to breathe fresh air
to see and not be seen
to be a spectator
of life's hidden moments
to feel something

and for a moment they make me wish
i too could capture the warmth of a spring evening
in a single frame
to find beauty in a street sign
but ill leave that to you

you dressed like the rain
it made me cry
solid tears
like timber ash
like hurricanes
shores of lake michigan
memories in photographs
still lifes
self portraits of doubt
i hate how beautiful you can turn
an ugly thing
make pain into art
turn me into a painting
i feel colorless
you make me bold
oil pastels on a blank canvass
oh how we all long for the talent
to turn shame into a sunrise

His eyes met hers
and then he knew
it was checkmate.

hell is just
the church's
basement