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I know you are tired of all the drama especially when they came from me so I decided to just write you a letter you won't even read. (but you probably will on your birthday)

It has been more than two years yet you still cross my mind. There are days that I really wanted to know if you are doing well or not. I just can't bring myself to text you because I don't want to prolong any hurt I have caused. I don't want to put you either in so much burden.

I could still vividly remember the day we broke up. I don't know why, I just do. I remember how much I was trying to keep myself together that day because the person who never gave up on me, already did. I can't blame you, I understand.

I could also remember the day after that. I remember how much I cried to God to take care of you and wherever you are you'll be just fine. I remember the first week of it when everybody asked what are you doing and all I could tell them is “I don't know, we're not together anymore” as tears fall to my eyes.

I still have the first post it you gave me.
The wallet. The letters. The pictures we both took together. I still have lots of good memories of those so I keep them.

You were my first in almost everything. My first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first person, the first person who made me feel like I am one in a million, the first boyfriend I told my parents of. The first person I've hurt so much.

It's so stupid of me to still remember these things after two years. I may not be your first heartbreak but you were mine. The thing is, it was me who caused me my heartbreak.

I'm sorry for putting you in agony because I was selfish. I deeply apologize for the things I've done to hurt you. I'm sorry for everything I have done wrong towards you. I'm sorry I messed us up.

However I want to say,
Thank you for taking care of me and never leaving me all by myself when I was too wrecked.
Thank you for your patience and endurance to deal with a ******* up like me.
Thank you for the love and support you gave me.
Thank you for making me feel important.
Thank you because you made me experience what being in love was.
Thank you for taking good care of my heart.
It remained whole and hopeful.
Thank you for being my first, I would not have it any other way.

You are one of those people who have a big heart. You deserve all the love you give. You are also one in a million. Just like a beautiful star billions of people could look at but only one can name and claim you.  

I hope you are okay. I pray to God that if not, you will be someday. You are in my prayers and you will remain to be.

I'll end it here, goodbye and hope you are in a better place my first human love.
a very advance happy birthday, thank you for the time you spent with me. I will always be on your side cheering for you from afar.
tabitha dorcas Apr 2017
Love you,
Love you too,
I love you more,
I love you most,
I love most-est,
I love you to the moon and back,
I love you to Jupiter and Mars,
I love you to the beautiful stars above the sky,
I love you to the beautiful meteors above the galaxy,
I love you, all of you,
I love you, only you,
I love you, I can't add up anything other than I love you, I just love you,
I love you, till death do us part,
I completely totally love you,
I ultimately and take full responsibility to love you.

All these I love yous
Both are unsure if it's true.
This was on April Fools,
Where we are allowed to say are feelings to.
I never get to say good bye
So my love,
I'm letting you go.

I'll never dream of a second
chance with you,
Nor imagine and pray
that it will be us again one day.

I am letting you go
in my imagination
in my cliche poems
in my everyday writings
and mostly
in my stubborn heart.

I hope you fly high
I hope you reach for the stars
praying and hoping you
get the best in life.

I love you
for the last time.
— little by little and day by day maybe I won't look for you in everyone that I meet. It's gonna be a long road but this will be fine.
I see you as the sea
sometimes in deep calmness and sometimes in raging waves
Its waters only touches my toes when i have to deal things on my own
Other days it covers me all over when i need so much comfort

Just like the sea i feel safe and at peace
I can always comeback when needed
I can be both silent and loud, I can mourn and rejoice
I can be anything I want and express everything I feel

Just like the sea how the sea listens to my silent cries
You have sit with me in one of my darkest times
I have spoken my all yet you never judge
Asked silly questions yet never questioned my intentions

I remember you in every gigantic gifts that passed before me
lavish yet very intricate to details
I remember you in big and small things
Whether it'd be vitamilk or rolex
I remember you to be both spender and money keeper

I remember that you are not the woman of things in between
You either give little or too much
emotionless or too emotional
never speaking or never stop arguing

I can describe you with a whole lot of different things
But you define you,
A reminder to be gentle with yourself.
I love you and I will forever do.
I’ll think of you, of our memories together

of your hands entwined in mine

of morning kisses and tight hugs

of the love you once told me forever.

This will be the last time I’ll ever ache for your loss.
another writing written in 2017

— The End —