Here you go. You want to hear it, don't you?
For all the space in your handphone I
Wasted sending you
Useless messages,
For how I borrowed you too much,
Ranting on about life, apparently too much,
Because I thought I'd finally found someone who'd
Listen, I guess I thought wrong.

And I sit on my bed, and wonder,
Were you ever the guy I
Thought you were?
Probably not.
While I automatically go about my day,
I keep my phone at hand.
I am yearning. yearning for the sound of bells,
The sound that I reserved for your messages.
Bells ringing, angels.

I used to think of you as my
Little devil,
Bad boy as you were.
****, was I right.
It hurts, you know.
How I opened me out,
Lied spread-eagled on the floor.
Dug out all my secrets, my Achilles heel,
me...I trusted you.
But I was Prometheus and you were the eagle,
You dug my insides out.
Ate them.

And for trusting you,
For believing, even once
That you were the one,

I'm sorry.

When you're lost and alone
And every bird has flown home
Just look in your heart,  darling.
And the lights will guide you Home.

The lights are those wishes,
Your mother packed with care.
The lights are those kisses.
Your sister blew in the air.

The lights are that stardust
Sprinkled in your cake.
Which your 10 year old brother
Took so much time to bake.

The lights are those silent tears,
Which roll down your father's cheeks
And the light of his grey eyes,
Looking forever, for the son he seeks.

The lights are the love your family and friends sent.
So whenever you're broken or by time, bent.
Remember all the wishes sent and the kisses blown.
Just look in your heart, Darling.
And the lights will guide you home.

sometimes we just need a person to listen to how we really feel

I can't believe she's gone
I still expect her to walk throught the front doors with our dog Shilo
My dogs tail would be wagging her goofy tounge hanging out of her mouth
My dad would go and embrace her in his warm bear hug
Kissing her gently
She would tell us about her run
How the wind was so fierce
How Shilo went chasing after deer in the park and how worried she was when she ran away
But only to have her come bounding back over the frozen underbrush
****
All I can think of now is my mom in that car listening to the iPod with the music pulsating into her ears
Slowly drifting of into a never ending sleep
Shilo would lay down between the seats, where her droopy dog eyes would slowly close to dream about chasing rabbits or deer in the park
****
It's a never ending film that keep replaying in my sorrowed mind.

For when will you see me
When will anyone see me
The real me
The me that deserves to be seen
The me that hurts people
The me that hates people
The me that is always late because she barely has the motivation to get up
The me that has let go
The me that's tired all the time
The me that can't stand mirrors because she can't stand herself
The me that can't see beauty in the world
The me that only sees the pain
The me that has nervous ticks
The me that is terrified of almost everything
The me that pushes you away because she's afraid to cause you pain
The me that the world would hate
The me that the world should hate
The real me.