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Earthchild Jan 2019
I'm feeling super run down and sad. Its been a while, it sometimes comes and goes and other days are better. But its so hard, its mostly at nights where there is nothing to distract my brain. Maybe its even when i am just at home. I feel alone, and i know people are around me to care. I just can't bring myself to feel cared for. I just hate myself for some reason and so strongly that I can't control it and don't know where it is coming from.  Its hard for me to recognize my future and if I have any potential. I have been striving to obtain happiness but I have no idea what happiness is because I haven't felt it for such a long long time. I can't remember when I carelessly laughed. I also might just be feeling bad for my self. Maybe I'm just being dumb and don't need anything. I want to seek a future where I can breathe fresh air and that's all I need to bring me joy. I want to be able to be alone and not feel lonely any more. I want to embrace my own silence and be able to control my brain. K want to know where my insecurities and self hatred stem from. I want to learn how to feel loved and how to give love to other people within my own realm of comfort. I'm lost and confused.
More of a blog post but ok
Earthchild Jan 2018
I haven't written in a while
I'm a changed woman now
My life has flourished
I have persevered

Many of you may not remember me
Nor may I host significant value
Importance
Or face
But I am here and I am me

My mother murdered her thundering
Soul

And this has changed me
Brought me insight
To my life
And how I should be

Who and what I should be
How I should love
And how I should
Live.
Earthchild Jul 2015
I witnessed life and death
In the same week

Death
Listened to a heart breaking phone call
My loves voice on one end
His voice
Broken shards of glass
As I heard him choke out the words
"My friend was killed in a car crash"

My dear friend (who is reading this)
I don't expect you to understand
That Death is the ultimatum
That Death has the ability to destroy
Many things in our lives
It succeeds with so little effort
It may send the people who are effected off the rails
Or it may push some to their own SUCCESS,
now that destiny is up to the individual.
To take the reigns and guide their life

Life
I witnessed life this week
The bonding of a couple in love
Quite frankly I don't know the couple

My dear friend (who is reading this)
That LOVE is the ultimatum
It will twist individuals into their
Personal growth
Or it can simply destroy one.
It takes compassion and trust
As you are giving yourself to someone
To care
To allow growth
But love is evil at times,
people tend to abuse the power of love

Life and Death
Take balance
But you must experience it all to
LIVE
Earthchild Mar 2015
Depression is a disease like any other
It can be less complex than a flu or it can be as fatal as cancer.
Although there is a broad spectrum to the severity of depression, I lost my mother to this deadly disease
Depression is not a feeling of the person you love not loving you back, it's not listening to heartbreak songs in your room alone and it's hardly anything to romanticize. Depression is corrupting, it takes away the life of a person, slowly or quickly with a snap of your fingers. Although death of a family member is life altering in any circumstance when you loose someone from depression you feel cheated, as it was an unforeseen death and you had no thought of saying good byes or simply being able to tell them that you loved them just one last time.
Earthchild Jan 2015
Winter tangled my long wavy hair
Gold pools from the roots of my head
Down down down to my hips
The blue and purple bruises that flower under my eyes show my age
Slight flickering of candle light in my forest emerald eyes
Pale porcelain skin touched by wind kisses
Lips chapped, cracked liked the earths crust
Tired
Tired
Tired
Earthchild Dec 2014
I sat on the cold hard ground
My tears soft as the velvet cloudless sky
Slowly breathing
Inhaling one star at a time
Trying to light up my mind
Feeling the ice crack within my lungs
Everything is in slow motion
My blood no longer runs like a rapid thundering river
Slowly it seeps through the broken arteries of my heart
So much has changed, I think of how much I have aged
I can feel the invisible demons clawing their way back
I will sigh as I can hardly control them
As they multiply like a virus
They are silently waiting now
Waiting for something
The perfect moment to release their toxins
But for now
I lay on the silent ground
Listening to the earth breath
Allowing the winter night to swallowing me
Nature keeping the demons at bay
Earthchild Dec 2014
I can't believe she's gone
I still expect her to walk throught the front doors with our dog Shilo
My dogs tail would be wagging her goofy tounge hanging out of her mouth
My dad would go and embrace her in his warm bear hug
Kissing her gently
She would tell us about her run
How the wind was so fierce
How Shilo went chasing after deer in the park and how worried she was when she ran away
But only to have her come bounding back over the frozen underbrush
****
All I can think of now is my mom in that car listening to the iPod with the music pulsating into her ears
Slowly drifting of into a never ending sleep
Shilo would lay down between the seats, where her droopy dog eyes would slowly close to dream about chasing rabbits or deer in the park
****
It's a never ending film that keep replaying in my sorrowed mind.
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