Dear Diary,
Today I met a boy
One that won't break
My heart like a toy
He had shiny bright eyes
And his lips
Don't tell lies
He has a way with words
And his touching is comfort
He offered me friendship
Really the best kind of relationship
Gosh oh gosh
I hope today and again
Tomorrow and a day
That I'd see again this boy
That fills my heart with joy

if i died tonight
i'd understand why.
i'd understand why we met.
i met you
so that i wouldn't
forget you

and if i died tonight
i'm sure i wouldn't forget
how you talk before you think
maybe that's why your words
are always jumbled and wrong
how you have to lift up your shirt
just so you can scratch your back
how most of the time you try
to make me laugh
and i act like you're not funny at all

we were destined to meet
just so i wouldn't forget you
and how beautiful of a monster you are
at then end of the day
you'd still be the nostalgia
i want to happen in the future
you are still the pain
i want to feel

you've always been my favorite author
it's not that you're a great writer
or knew how to write poems
its that you are what all my poems are about
how could I think of beautiful things to say
and heartaches to endure
if it weren't for you?
you are the words that my ink forms into
you are the mascara running down my cheek
you've always been my favorite author
for you are what my life story is about
in the middle of the night

The walls of my heart,
they clench me in.
The voices in my head,
they tell me the worst things I've always read.
The words I hear,
they're the things that I always fear.
The dinner I ate,
I let them find their way back up.
The ink in my wrists,
I watch them flow from thin lines.
The fear I feel,
they make the monsters real.
The anxiety I feel,
it overwhelms me.
The things I feel,
they make me hate me.
they make me loathe me.
they **** me.

You don't get to choose 
The country you're born in 

You don't get to choose 
The parents you're born to 

You don't get to choose
The name you're given 

You don't get to choose 
The *** you're born with 

But then you get to choose 
The people you surround yourself with

You get to choose 
Your first crush
Your first love
Your first kiss

Then I wonder
With the very little things 
We all get to decide on 

Why do we choose 
The people who just waste all our firsts 

Why do we choose 
The people who hurt us?

My love for you was kerosene on fire
The fire that burnt daisies
And fulfilled my every desire

Buy me ripped skinny jeans
And feed me LSD
Maybe then I'll be happy

Earlier this night I traveled down memory lane
Please call my friend Mary Jane
She'll help me forget

I'm in this ****** life I know I'll never win
Unless I get my veins full of heroine  

I don't even know how to keep myself sane
Without a hit of *******

All I ever wanted was to leave behind a legacy
But the thing is I no longer feel the ecstasy
That's supposed to be lingering in my ways

I'm in no position to pretend that I'm holy
Especially when I'm always seen
With my good friend Molly

Cause who am I to avoid all this
I'm just a sad lonely teen
Feeling psychedelic