The water has a sound,
I've only heard
when I was by myself.
It tells a secret
The way the circles
Form and swirl.

Just for a moment,
I never knew you.

And never tasted
Disappointment all too soon.

These vast acres,
Remind me of days,
When it was just me.
The sprinklers
Would cry 
And I would run free.

Just for a moment,
The weight elevated.

And matters of life 
and death were left to fate.

But the sun lied to me,
When I looked at the surface,
I only saw the break of day.
I kept searching and searching
But I never did
Find my face.

Just for a moment,
I was never here.

The earth revolved easier,
The sky had less tears.

Only that tree
Shall mourn my loss
When I echo off of the rope.
The moon can take 
Where I left off,
As my heart shall soak.

Just for a moment,
You won't think of me.

From this soundless world,
I wish you can find peace,
Under the same tree.*

● ● ●

I look for you
In passing faces
A stranger's glance
In haunted places

I feel you among
Nature's grandest setting
It is you that I remember
Even when I'm forgetting

I see you wherever I go
In everyone I meet
Your words echo in conversations
That pass me on the street

Your soft, easy way
That safe familiar tone
That always takes me back
To a time long gone

She is such a sweet pale hell
That makes me touch myself
Pleasure dangerously close to torture
Eyes lit with the softest furies
Lips that melt the ice of my soul
Whips that chain my pain to hers
I cry out “all my verses are for you.”
But she whispers “I am not yours.”

"So I'll probably **** myself,"
I said to you,
"But not until I'm 21 and can stain my lips red
And drink for real
And get so drunk I'll dance right off a cliff.
The rocks at the bottom will hug me so tight I'll split right open.
And then I'll never be able to hide any of it
It'll all be there for you to see.
Bleeding out."
You looked at me and all you said was
"Okay."

writing with a
cigarette in hand

writing with a
stain on my shirt

writing with a
bruise on my lip

trying to pretend
that your words
never hurt


sleeping with out
you

dreaming of good
times

drinking glasses
of malt whiskey

walking through dark
alleys with you
on my mind


I cannot get
past you

no matter how
hard i try

now every hello
i’ve said since you
left

tastes of your
eyes in that
moment you said
goodbye

a bug flew into my windshield yesterday
and i wanted to scream
because it resembled you

but i see you everywhere
in the flowers in the trees in the breeze
in my dreams

all the tiny insects look like you

i make my bed
four times a year
because when the blankets
are on correctly
it's not easily accessible
to wear as a cape.

and i sometimes wish that
i could get out of my
own
******
head
and open up enough
to love someone
else for once.

i sometimes spray more
perfume on my
pajamas than my
dresses it's not
aromatherapy but sometimes
i calm down.

sometimes i manage to
forget
about these
disturbing
thoughts
just
reverberating
through my mind.

and sometimes i just
fall apart
but sometimes i pull
myself together.

today is the sum
of those times.

I remember you when you were fifteen.
Holding your first cigarette between your manicured nails and smiling at the moon.
And through the years
I've seen you spend most of your time trying to escape your thoughts until six in the morning
With a book and a cat
The two things you called the greatest loves of your life.
I've seen you walk down flowery paths with the sun in your eyes
And through darkened forests, wondering desperately where the sun had gone.
I've heard you talk about death and God, your favourite whiskey and your dog. About the most shallow and mundane of events, and the deepest of philosophies.
And I see you now
In your plaid shirts and lace-up boots,
Trying to hide your face in your hair
Calmly turning away every chance at love you find
Searching desperately for distraction
In a gram of ******* and the pen and paper sitting by your bedside.

I miss your face
The way your lips curl in when you smile
And your eyes light up when you speak
Each word you utter falls gently on my skin
Lightly caressing me, touching me
Leaving me.
I miss your voice
I've called your mobile phone
So many times, just to hear it once more
Your voicemail saying "please call back"
And I do, over and over, waiting patiently for you
But there's still no answer.
I miss your love
You embraced me on the bad days
And fought away memories of my mistakes
Loved me through the times I destroyed myself
You saved me from jumping in front of a train
And let me cry in your arms.
I miss your presence
They say ghosts never leave you
If they have unfinished business
But our love isn't over, so where are you hiding
Between the time of death and the goodbyes I said
I still remember your lips replying, "I love you".
I'm sitting at your grave
Missing every inch of you,
Even the parts of you that you left in me
Have gone missing and I feel like an Incompleted jigsaw
I have found it so hard to keep living,
My heart stopped beating the moment yours did
So why am I still living in a world without you
I miss every part of you, so **** much.