I like pens that bleed
Ink that smears
Girls with scars
Broken parts
***** clothes
Stained sheets
The hint of blood
The taste of lust
The smells of love
Nights through morning
Mornings to night
Suns that sleep
Moons that dream
And all the pretty
You hide underneath
Those pretty
Pretty
Pretty things

The only part of my day
That I look forward to
Is when I go to bed
And lay there making up scenarios
In my head.

I think of comebacks
To 8th grade bullies.
I think of witty retorts
To my mother's snide comments.
I think of intelligent things to add
To conversations I had months ago.

I think of all the things
I was too scared to say.

And in my mind
I say them.
And pretend how things would be different
If only I had the courage to speak.

I miss your face
The way your lips curl in when you smile
And your eyes light up when you speak
Each word you utter falls gently on my skin
Lightly caressing me, touching me
Leaving me.
I miss your voice
I've called your mobile phone
So many times, just to hear it once more
Your voicemail saying "please call back"
And I do, over and over, waiting patiently for you
But there's still no answer.
I miss your love
You embraced me on the bad days
And fought away memories of my mistakes
Loved me through the times I destroyed myself
You saved me from jumping in front of a train
And let me cry in your arms.
I miss your presence
They say ghosts never leave you
If they have unfinished business
But our love isn't over, so where are you hiding
Between the time of death and the goodbyes I said
I still remember your lips replying, "I love you".
I'm sitting at your grave
Missing every inch of you,
Even the parts of you that you left in me
Have gone missing and I feel like an Incompleted jigsaw
I have found it so hard to keep living,
My heart stopped beating the moment yours did
So why am I still living in a world without you
I miss every part of you, so **** much.

I recognize
this ground
laced with stones
and poisoned barbs
hike barefoot here
unafraid

a barren desert
feels like home
when there is nothing
to be lost or gained

I have been here
many times before
stripped down naked
in the noonday sun
watching vultures
wheel and dive

as I dangle
twist and spin
ever the enabler
enabling

It absorbs me, you know?
Like a black hole
I fall into a recess,
A void in my mind.
It's like my insides dig their way out,
Surround me,
Dragging the puppet show smile
Into the center,
Hiding it like a bad gift.
I twist out of myself,
The darkest parts come center stage,
The spotlight a stark contrast.
The cold spot of my dreams
Drinking up the light
Turning into every lucid thought
we push aside.
I marry it
Like a death sentence,
Both prey and predator,
A battle along the seams of my skin.
They have to drag me out of it
Like a grave:
I want it badly,
Permanent and aching.