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"So what does depression feel like"*

It feels like trying to run through the sand after you have just climbed out of the ocean.

Like trying desperately to hang on to the merry-go-round spinning out of control.

Like struggling to keep your head above water in a wave pool.

Like trying to climb up a steep slide and slipping down just as you almost reach the top.

Like gasping for air after you've had the wind knocked out of you.

Like having a crush on life knowing life will never like you back.

Do you understand now?
 Jan 2015 Divya Padmanabhan
Steff
It's raining,
A downpour of
All the little things
That are stealing
Away my sanity.
They burn in my bones.
They course through my veins.
They eat at my stomach.

Each and every one of my fears.

This is my life now,
All shrouded in panic.
Picking away at what sanity is left.

Muddling my brain.
Sharpening my reactions.
Piercing through my eyes.

Each and every one of my fears.

My world is nothing
Except a whole lot of confusion,
As to why the world isn't collapsed.
and then
everybody died.
 Jan 2015 Divya Padmanabhan
Steff
Imagine wanting to say something,
Having so much to say,
But nothing will come out.
You're trapped in your own mind.
It's as if you have stage fright,
And the whole world is a stage,
And you can't speak the lines
That you've rehearsed
Over and over, countless times.

Imagine people telling you
To stop being shy, to talk,
But they don't understand
How real this fear is.

What if you say the wrong things?
What if no one likes you?
Feeling as if they think you're weird,
That they don't want to talk to you.
And it's those fears that trap the words,
Trap all the things you have to say.
It's not easy, it's terrifying.
And no one seems to get it,
This is not just shyness,
This is not antisocial,
It's anxiety, it's a phobia.
And it hurts.
I'm so tired of being told to get over it.
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