Darling,
         You are the Ocean,
                           and I and am drowning .
                                                                         .  .

I failed my mother – she failed me first.
All through childhood I held your hand as you wept –
You sighed and cried and denied a mothers love.

I was twelve when I sliced my first cut –
I weaved artistic patters all over my arm,
Each hack felt like a distorted piece of sympathy.

You have been cured for many years –
The disease was just passed, unquestioned to me.
You have never asked, or even glanced twice.

Last night I saw you crying –
Your friends’ daughter had cut – it was a tragic devastation.
Everyone was making plans, dinners, lunches, supportive hugs.
You went to help – to empathise like her mother never could.

I have never punished myself for attention,
It’s a sad and sick release from my insanity – for me.
You birthed me and gave me life, fed and clothed my pathetic body.

I know there is so much that I can never repay –
I know I failed to make you happy when I was young –
But why do you give this girl a mother’s love??
When all I have are forced hugs -

I have a rocket to catch in the morning;
Do they breathalyse astronauts these days?

I stared at the big blue cloud,
It was in my hands,
It was so blue that it depressed me
But it was only fluffy candy

I picked a piece from the cloud
I digested it with my eyes and soul,
It was the brightness to a child's life
It was my only happiness

You look at candy,
As sweetness to your life,
but to me it was more,
It was the only freedom I had in the world

I bit into the blue sweetness
As it dissolved in my mouth,
It dissolved my pain,
I was sure everything would be fine again

Then, when the cotton got stuck between my teeth,
So did my hopes and dreams.
I felt like a fool for believing
A fool for trying

A tear slid down my cheek
Making the candy bittersweet
No Cotton Candy can make it go away
Rewrite my story

When they fought and screamed,
I'd try find my happy place,
Eat my sweet Blue Candy,
And just pray it away

I've tried everything
Clovers to Rabbit's Feet,
But this heavenly cloud
was the only price to pay

If my life was all drunk and dead
Would it **** to find my demise-free zone
And just eat some Cloudy Candy instead?

If wishes came true,
With every bite I took
I would have father with me
A Mother to love me

I kept eating the candy though
Even if it didn't taste heavenly anymore
Tears kept streaming down with every bite
I kept the harshness inside

The faster I ate, the more it hurt,
I couldn't swallow the lumps in my throat,
The pain developed inside of me,
Like a tumour, I was a waste, never needed.

You eat all the Candyfloss in the world, it won't work.
It just sweetens the pain, lessens the hurt.

states of mind so foreign
that the home in your head will seem
as if it's been quarantined
mental shelter can no longer supply safety
there is only room to roam
the negative spaces of your brain

each characteristic taken away
from the natural tone of your lips
to the shine behind your eyes
good luck on your way out
the road you chose
is up in smoke

He thinks I'm crazy
When I stop while we're in the supermarket
Because I love this song
I choreograph
And he starts to laugh
At my spontaneity
Yes I might be crazy
Even more so lately