You don’t realise how lonely you are until there is no one there to be alone with

Do people really hear silence?
Actual silence where there is nothing to be heard?
Not the sky?
Not the cars?

Not an echo?
Not a breath?

Just..space..?

I didn't think that possible.

Wow.

There are people that know true silence.

What I would do to have that for a moment.

It's smaller than I remember

Not that I possessed many things,
though,
it always seemed like everything could fit in here
even the things I scarcely use;
The woolen jumper that scratches my neck,
The mittens, now too small to fit,
The bandanna with a stain or two
Its strange how things get put away to not be seen again
That is what I am now
in this moment.

I must remind myself to air out my cupboard once I get out.
I'm breathing in the stale air my possessions do
It smells of worn wood and detergent
The smell of a home I've always known.

There is a faint rattling
I try and hold my legs together to keep them from shaking
I hate that all I can hear is my short breath
I don't want to move to rub my eyes again.

Silence

A thud.

Nothing

More thuds of weighted boots

Silence again

My legs are cramping now
That recent growth spurt didn't do me good.
My **** knees keeping knocking together
Mama always said I couldn't keep still

Why do I get the feeling
that once I leave my small cupboard
That I won't be the same again?

Will I ever

find

love?

Words are my skeleton and body that make up my physical material
The spaces between my words have tendons and ligaments because they flow when eyes follow them
The lines show my fingerprint as all verses have words, spaces and lengths never to be repeated in the same exact copy
The most important thing about me is something not all people can see as it’s not a physical material
When some read me they may see dullness
When some read me they may see sparks

S is for sitting with a stirring soul still speaking aloud to join the summer singin birds
L is for lying livid as I lie to myself about life, love and lust as the light pours in
E is for elongating time to evaluate as well as extinguishing every chance to explain it  
E is for ending time in this elavated entity because my ideas are eating away at me
P is for please be patient for plans put pressure on the mind to stay peaceful in this plain pitch black sight

I feel there is a command for me somewhere

I’m done trying to understand your hate
I’m done trying to get to grips with your anger
I don’t want to know what it is to have this burning inside your being
I don’t want to understand what compulses you to spread your fire
Keep that to yourself
Keep those away from us
Please
Please
I ask you because I am tired
I ask you because I am wounded
Everyday by the words you use against me and I just can’t take it any longer