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Sep 2018 · 265
3:01 AM
Z Sep 2018
I always have this feeling

that I'm not doing as much as I can in this world

or I'm not changing the world in any way,

So what's the point of living?

I just wanted to erase my existence,

but then a dreadful moment happened

I lost my mom to cancer

it made me feel like it was selfish of me to choose to die

when some people don't even have a choice.
Sep 2018 · 3.2k
My Universe
Z Sep 2018
I want to be close to you like Mercury
to see your full glow
and brightness of your intimacy

I see you like a Venus
because of your unsurpassed beauty
and your unfathomable, abysmal kind of love

You are like the Earth
where living with you is not a problem
and with you it is always easy to breathe

I see your ardent desires like a red Mars
to fight a war to cover and protect me
even sacrificing your own life

You give a gigantic precious tenderness
and enormously unselfish affections
like a Jupiter

You give me snowball rings like Saturn
that gives remembrance to all the beautiful
things that we had been in the atmosphere
of treasured memories

Your warmhearted axis
that tilts on the rocky core of my life
is like in a deep ocean of Uranus
that clasps me with grasping arms

You are like the depth the Neptune brings
who takes me beyond the known
to what's alive only in my wildest dreams.

On a very far and infinite distance
deep into the darkness like Pluto
you are perfect to get lost with
nothing matters but You and Me
Sep 2018 · 270
3 AM
Z Sep 2018
The day i was planning to **** myself
A friend of mine attempted suicide
Mixed emotions rushed through my body
Sadness
Envy
Anger
Relief
Thoughts like "that could've been me"
I could be in that situation
And them in mine

The friend who did it before i do
I saw him as a brother
Someone who protected me
I remembered my father said
"Suicide is so selfish,
I can't lose anyone from it"
And that is why I'm still alive.
Sep 2018 · 368
Faith
Z Sep 2018
Don't think...
Don't worry...
But also don't stop...







Just have faith that it will work out for the best.
Sep 2018 · 201
Hello
Z Sep 2018
Hello!
How are you?
Yes, you.
I'm acknowledging your presence

Hello!
How's your day?
Is it as good as mine?
Yes, you.
I'm acknowledging your existence

Hello!
What are you doing?
Yes, you.
I'm acknowledging your actions

Hello!
Yes, you
I'm really talking to you
I want you to know
that even though we don't know each other
I appreciate you
and everything you do.
So, keep up the gopd work
'till we see each other
Sep 2018 · 303
One day
Z Sep 2018
The day will come
When you'll miss me
As much as i miss you

The moment will come
When you'll love me
As much as i love you

Until that day comes
I'll be missing you silently
Loving you from afar

And when that day comes
I hope that I'm still around
Missing and loving you
Holding on
Sep 2018 · 244
D E F
Z Sep 2018
D
you're Dangerous
when you're mad
it is also for long Drives
i know you love those

E
you're an Enigma
very hard to decipher
i wish you can open up a little more
because I'm willing to give you
Everything

F
you're Friendly
you always make sure
that everyone around you is okay
you're Funny
do i really need to elaborate this?
Part 2
You are my A to Z
#d #e #f
Sep 2018 · 189
A B C
Z Sep 2018
A
you're Adorable
you don't even have to try
a lot of people adore you
it is Amazing
how easy it is to love you

B
you are Beautiful
no further explanations
that simple word states everything
it will remain true
no matter how many times you deny it

C
you are Charming
i can't resist you
and you're Cuteness
you're my go-to Cuddle-buddy
always and forever
Completing the alphabets
Work in progress
Sep 2018 · 607
Firm
Z Sep 2018
I stood there
in front of everyone
staring at me
mocking me
waiting for me
to commit a mistake

I trembled
I came unprepared
lost in the situation
with judging eyes
piercing through my core
ready to eat me whole

I opened my mouth
uttered my piece
broke the silence
that covered us all
fighting for my existence
and proving them wrong
Challenge accepted.
Never back down
Sep 2018 · 134
Beginning
Z Sep 2018
Today i begin to write again
Words that i can't say
Actions that i can't express
Begin again.
May 2018 · 1.5k
Why she doesn't like you?
Z May 2018
Let's be real.
There's probably a million reasons as to why she doesn't like you.
Which is probably something you don't wanna hear but let me tell you the some reasons, stupid reasons, as to why she doesn't like you...

It's because she doesn't like the way you cut your pinky toenail.
The 4,126 hair on your head is just too long for her.
Your breathing pattern is off by a millisecond.
Your left eye doesn't pop as much as the right one does.
She doesn't like it when you ***.
When you don't reply within a minute and twenty seconds of her sending the original text.
You didn't have her favorite cologne sprayed in your shirt when she hugs you.
You turn down her netflix and chill to hang out with your friends.
She doesn't like the way that you chew your food.
She doesn't like your haircut.
You don't wear the type of pants that she like to look at when she's walking behind you.
You didn't give her the night of her life after she went out on a date with you.
You don't do this.
You don't look like this.
You don't do that.
You don't do this.

Why the heck are you still reading this?
You need to stop listening and thinking about this nonsense.

No matter what they do or what they say,
you don't owe them anything.
Remember that.
With all this crazy things that you overthink about when it comes to someone that you like,
I know you're maybe thinking,
I need to reply faster,
I gotta go cut the 4,126 hair which is too long.
You don't need to do anything for someone else.
Just think about it,
you're almost torturing yourself
to make somebody else happy, but are you happy?
I don't think so.
What goes on in your head
isn't always necessarily true or right.
If she doesn't like the things that you do,
If she doesn't like the way that you look,
If she doesn't like the friends that you hang out with,
If she doesn't like the person that you are,
then you get over her, right now, get over her.

There's no specific person that you should go out and that you should fall in love with.
That specific person is what you find
in your heart and in your mind,
and as crazy as that sounds,
you have to treat yourself with respect.
You have to treat yourself with the love
that you're gonna be giving out to every girl that you see.
You have to love yourself before you love somebody else.

You should stop thinking
that you have to live up to somebody's standards, just in order to make them happy.
If she doesn't like you, then let it be.
You don't need her.
You don't need anybody.
You have you.

Never change who you are
while falling inlove with somebody,
because in the long run, you just won't be happy.
You are good enough.
You shouldn't let being "perfect",
be the enemy of being good enough.
You're never going to be the perfect person for somebody else, because you are already the perfect you for you.
Some people are going to love you.
Some people are just going to like you,
and some people are just not going to be able to handle you.
You just need to know that the only special person you need to be good enough for is yourself.
May 2018 · 639
Everything I love
Z May 2018
You remind me of my favorite song.
You remind me of my favorite movie,
my favorite place.
Staring into the perfect view of the beach, along with the perfect view of you
You remind me of comfort,
when you watch videos of dogs and
other simple, silly things.
A fun and crazy person
I always wanted to be.
When i see you dancing your favorite song
Like no one is watching.
You remind me of happiness,
when i see your smiles.
You remind me of how annoying you are,
when you flood my inbox with random messages.
You remind me of my favorite shirt,
when you wear it as if it's your own.
You remind me of the late nights,
when we have long conversations.
Maybe it's the look in your eyes.
Maybe it's your melodious laugh.
Maybe it's everything you do,
that reminds me of how beautiful life can be.
You remind me of everything i love
and everything i love, is you.

But the one i love, doesn't exist,
and i don't know if it ever will.
You're a figment of my imagination.
I created you in my mind
as perfect as you can possibly be,
and i fell inlove with the thought of you.
You dont exist and you may never will.

You now reminds me of the nights
I struggle against sleep
You now reminds me of everything
I can't and will never have
You remind me of the pain that love brings.
You remind me of everything i love,
and everything i love will never be me
if i don't have you.
May 2018 · 202
Emotions
Z May 2018
Sadness
Happiness
Fear
Love
Doubt
I feel all those crazy emotions for you.
May 2018 · 190
Day 02
Z May 2018
It is just the 2nd day
But it already feels like a year

For 3 years,
You've been a constant in my life
We may not talk as often as
we do on the first year
But the thought of you always around
Enables me to endure each day

Today is day 02
of me being single again
It's the decision i made
so we can both move on with our lives
It was not an easy decision
I contemplated about it
and know that I got my heart broken
in the process of fulfilling that decision

Everything is just too painful right now
I keep checking your blogs
So that I can have an update about you
I badly want to message you
But that'll be too selfish
Knowing that you would want
some space for now

I can't eat
I can't sleep
I don't even want to do anything
Because I'm too afraid that
if I entertained myself with something else
I will lose my grip on the memory of you
I miss you
May 2018 · 317
Dear Future Ex-Girlfriend
Z May 2018
I have a few questions for you...

Did you know that we weren't strong enough?

Growing up, girls always pictured themselves having a perfect boyfriend.
Someone they can be so proud of and be comfortable with, no matter what the circumstances are.
Did you picture this as well?

Do you believe that we are supposed to be with one person for the rest of our lives?

Let me answer the last question...

Nothing is permanent.

We tried so hard with the illusion of permanence.
We forgot we need to fall inlove with each other everyday.
We end up taking advantage of the comfortable feeling we have.

Those days where we talked to each other almost the whole day
The never ending fun, though somehow nonsense conversation we have
All those stories we have shared to each other
The planned getaways, the corny jokes,
the dramas, the fights, the obstacles
that we have to endure to be together
And all the laughters we have
Remember those?
Because I can't forget those.

If this is really the end,
Here's my advice for you
Live for yourself.
Believe in yourself
You're a very strong woman
I wouldn't regret that you became my girl
I hope you find someone
who can make you as happy as i made you
when we were deep inlove
And maybe or just maybe
We can reconnect in the future
and i can make you just as happy as
the first day you've known me

So, dear my future ex girlfriend
The odds of us breaking up is 50:50 and,
i hope that you will never have to read this.
But if you do, I want you to know that I'll always love you.
I wrote this 3 years ago.
May 2018 · 229
Confession
Z May 2018
There is something i would like to tell you

I figured out some time ago







This could break something really precious
And might cause so much pain

Things have changed to what they are before
I am not who i used to be
I still love you and care so much for you
But those are not enough

I am lost and couldn't find my way back
I'm struggling everyday
I even question my mere existence
In this wild and crazy world

You are right, i am such a coward
I back out the moment things get hard
I am weak and will not stand to fight
Even for something which my heart desires

So now, I'm saying goodbye
Through this poem I'm sure you will read
I know you deserve better
Than just a poem that is full of nonsense

Thank you for all that you've done for me
Thank you for standing up for me
When others kept mocking and doubting me
Thank you for everything

And just like this poem
The thing between us needs to end
Not because i lost my love for you
I love you and i always will
But it's now time to face the truth
Things are not like what they used to be
So baby, let's end it.
May 2018 · 1.8k
Inner Beauty
Z May 2018
she had a heart
that could light up the sky
she had a smile
that would brighten the gloom
on a winters morning
she had the laugh
that could remove all your worries
she had the will
To stand up for what is right

but she hid her beauty
beneath scarves and long sleeved shirts
covered for everyone not to see
that behind those mask and clothes
is an angel, too fragile for this world

her beauty remained hidden
until i told her what she had
that i appreciated her no matter what
even with flaws that she really never had

on that day she pondered and learned
that not everything is judged by the outside
May 2018 · 154
The Day We Met
Z May 2018
It was a typical Monday afternoon
Nothing extraordinary
Just a boring day
With me opting to stay in my room

I can clearly remember
The smell of pancakes
And delicious hot chocolate
That brings me to my senses

The rainbow after the rain
The serenity after a bad day
That makes me want to wake up
For i am sure tomorrow will be better

On that day, i met you
And you become the pancake and hot chocolate
Who keep me sane
No matter how confusing everything around me is

You become the rainbow after the rain
The serenity i would want to come home to
No matter how bad my day went
For you are the hope that i look forward to

That day, my typical Monday afternoon
Turns upside down
And suddenly became one memorable day
Of my entire existence
Mar 2018 · 219
Help
Z Mar 2018
I visited your blog today
Hoping to get an update about you
The first thing that caught my attention
"Help"
I felt sad after i read it
For i am screaming for the same thing
I was supposed to be there for you
To make you happy
But i know i failed after i read
"I tried killing my sadness by killing myself"
I so much wanted to be saved
And forgot that you needed saving as well
I texted you but never got any reply
I worry about you
Please be strong
Please be safe
Help yourself
And I'll do the same
Sorry
Mar 2018 · 156
Please
Z Mar 2018
I am lost
Help me
Please
Save me
Before i die
Seek for me
I need you to
Help me
I am lost
Top to bottom
Bottom to top
Same meaning
Help
Mar 2018 · 219
Drowning
Z Mar 2018
I love you
I miss you
I'm sorry
Be happy
Those are the words i often say to you

I love you.
I love you so much.
I feel like dying right now.

I miss you.
I miss you very much
I miss you every second of everyday.

I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
I'm sorry for hurting you up until now.

Be happy.
Always be happy even without me.
Your happiness and smiles are important to me.
I love you
Forgive me for making you cry
I'm drowning with emotions
Mar 2018 · 187
I do
Z Mar 2018
You are my always and forever
You are my sunrise and sunset
The beginning and ending
My ups and my downs
In case you didn't know
I Love You so much
#15
Mar 2018 · 261
She
Z Mar 2018
She
I woke up today with tears in my eyes
For i have lost the girl of my dreams
But I will wait for night to come
So, I can go back sleeping and have my girl back
I'm sorry baby
Mar 2018 · 472
Flaws
Z Mar 2018
I offered you a hand
to help you up
But you've insulted it
because it's full of scars
You just don't know
that those scars
Are the results
of me
protecting you from harm
Mar 2018 · 457
Never Enough
Z Mar 2018
I will write you this song to get back what's ours'
Would that be enough?

You took a day off away from me
Away from our crazy little world
Which you used to enjoy and love
Because things became complicated
And you felt suffocated

You needed a time to breathe
A space where you will just be free
Because you need to find yourself
Which you've lost along the way
Of searching THAT THING CALLED LOVE

You asked for me to let you go
Because you are not happy anymore
Then i remembered the 6 WORDS OF TRUTH
I made a decision in favor of you
Hoping you will come back to me someday

Everytime that i think of you
Which most likely the only thing i do
Because all the things surrounding me
They all reminds me of you
I MISS YOU

One day, you sent me a text message
With just three words written on it
Reading those was the LONGEST SECOND
And HOW CAN IT BE? that those three words
Shattered everything i built for seven years

HOW FAR can i go to have you back
To what we are before things got out of hand
If i could just turn everything UPSIDE DOWN
For you are what i wanted in my
PAST, PRESENT and even my FUTURE

I will do what i can to get back what's ours
For I AM NOT LIKE YOU who will easily give up
I'll stay by your side and endure the pain
Because you are worth fighting for
But will that be ever enough?

When will be the time that I'll be enough?
To make you feel the happiness i felt
When will I be enough?
To fill the void for you not to ask space
When will I be enough?
To keep you sane in the crazy world

When will my love be enough?
When i already gave you all that i am
It will never be enough
I will never be good enough for you
First part is an excerpt from the song Ever Enough
Feb 2018 · 345
The longest second
Z Feb 2018
They say that there are times in life that are longer than the others

The first time i met you,
I took a bath for 3hrs
Sprayed perfume all over my body
To make sure I'll be perfect for you

The first time we held each other's hands
My heart stopped beating on its own
Coz it began the rhythm same as yours

The first time you kissed me good night
I froze like time never existed
For you've become my whole new world

The first time i notice you have changed
That i am not enough for you anymore
Because...

You don't want to be my world
You value your freedom

You don't want a single rhythm
You want variations
You love to party

You don't want perfect
You want something new and unique

I spent a lot of my time for you
I'm even willing to give you the rest of my life
But...

The first time i saw you with someone else
That's the longest second of my life.
Feb 2018 · 283
6 words of Truth
Z Feb 2018
The truth in six words....




You cannot make a person happy.

You can make them laugh
You can make them smile
You can make them feel good
But whether they are happy or not
Is out of your control
Because happiness is a choice
A choice you make for your own

Make yourself happy ☺
Feb 2018 · 244
Upside Down
Z Feb 2018
Why did you say your okay?
When you're actually dying inside

Why did you say you hate me?
When you actually like what i did

Why did you say you're ugly?
When you're the prettiest girl i have ever seen

Why did you say I'm corny?
When you're bursting with laughter to my jokes

Why did you say it's delicious?
When it actually tastes awful

Why did you told me you want roses?
When you really prefer tulips

Why did you told me you'll save me?
When you let me drown with my love for you

Why did you say you like to dive?
When you can't even fall for me

Why did you say you'll always be around?
When in the fact you are never there

Why did you told me you'll stay?
When all you wanted is to runaway

Why did you put back the pieces of me
When you're going to tear it again

Why did you say you'll take care of my heart?
When you plan to break it all along

Why did you say "i love you"?
When you actually don't

Why did you say "together forever"?
When there's never been an US

Why did i even believe in all your lies?
Why do i still love you after all
Why? Maybe I'm living UPSIDE DOWN
Feb 2018 · 2.3k
15th
Z Feb 2018
It was the 15th day of October
When i first known you
It started as an ordinary day
But ended as a wonderful one

Who would have thought?
That I'll meet my forever through an online game
A very weird game, i don't even know why i started playing
But I'll thank that game over and over again
For it led a **** like me to a goddess like you

You are not as friendly as the others are
Yet you caught my attention, i don't know why
You don't find me funny when i made my jokes
But deep inside, i know i made you laugh

You eventually warmed up
Thanks to my charm
We started as friends
A complicated one

You were broken but still inlove
With a boy named Drake
I hate him so much
For he made you cry and left you behind

I was taken and still inlove
With a girl named Jaja
She's beautiful and kind
She's all that i talked to you about

Our friendship grows as days passed by
Constant communication through online
So when the time i got so broken
Coz the girl i love left me without warning
You were there for me all the time
Made me feel fine even when you're not

I made mistakes and made you fall
For me to have fun all along
But then my guilt is eating me whole
I admitted to you the greatest lie of all

You hated me for being a ****
Yet you still accepted me after all
I knew i have fallen to you as well
I'm just too coward to accept it all

We started a new friendship
On a very clean slate
With renewed limitations
And a little reservation

Twenty-eight months
That's how long we waited
To take a risk on this friendship
And make it an official relationship

Going back to the day of October 15th
When i known the girl of all my dreams
The girl who gave me love and peace
The girl who make me look forward for more 15th
I love you
Feb 2018 · 218
I am not like you
Z Feb 2018
Let me clear it to you
I am not lazy
I am not full of excuses
I am not a procrastinator

I am an optimist
Who believe that tomorrow exist

I am a fast worker
Who prefer to work with time pressure

I am a self-believer
I never regret a thing i do

I am appreciative
Who took time to observe things around me

I do work slowly
To avoid stress and to guarantee success

I am not a procrastinator
I am just being me
Yet I am judged by social norms
Asked to be someone i am not
I never want to be like you
I don't want to be a pretender
I won't waste my time thinking about nonsense thing which is you
Feb 2018 · 1.9k
That thing called LOVE
Z Feb 2018
The unexplainable emotion
The indefinable feeling
The sudden shift of scenery
That thing called Love

I first felt it with a girl in black
Though wearing thick eyeglasses
And books in both hands
She's the most captivating thing
I have ever seen in my life

My life before is like piano tiles
Plain and simple, just black and white
With her around, everything seems bright
Like rainbow after the rain
So beautiful and nice

She's the taste of my favorite dessert
The sweetness that never once hurt my tooth
Instead, kept me wanting
craving for more of what she can give

Like any other girl, she is not perfect
She got flaws and done mistakes
Caused me pain and brought me tears
But I'll still willingly accept her
Over and over again

They say I'm blinded with what i feel
Warned me not to fall too deep
But what can i do right now
When I'm already drowning
With that thing called Love
Feb 2018 · 392
How far?
Z Feb 2018
How far can it go?
My undying love for you
Will it reach you?
I hope it does

How far can it go?
Your patience for me
Will you choose to stay?
I hope you do

How far can it go?
This relationship of us
Will it be forever?
I hope it is

How far can it go?
This whisper of confession  
Are you listening?
I hope you are

Distance between you and me
A challenge for us to conquer
But no matter how far it is
My loyalty will forever be yours
Feb 2018 · 232
E.C.A.A
Z Feb 2018
This is not a confession
But an act of appreciation
For such a wonderful creation
That is full of passion

You shine the brightest
Uplift me when I'm at my lowest
You only want the best
For me, you're already the greatest

You smile at the simplest things
You worry about everything
Your genuine care and constant reminding
Is what makes you so admiring

I have known you for only a few years
But i caused you thousand of tears
You are my biggest fear
All i want is for you to be near

With this love, we start anew
A long journey for me and you
For now, all i want to do
Is to tell you how much i love you
Feb 2018 · 465
I miss you
Z Feb 2018
He is mom's little treasure
Her golden boy with the warmest smile
Kept away from everyone to see
Forever a wonder for them to seek

He is dad's little prince
His successor to the empire
Trained to be generous and kind
Hidden behind huge walls like a prisoner

He is my sister's little soldier
Her defender at all cost
Protector in plain white shirt
Will sacrifice everything in her behalf

He is my little brother
My all-time favorite buddy
The Robin to my Batman
The shadow who pushes me at my best

He is our little sunshine
Our piece of hope and light
Source of all the happiness
Caressing us with his comforting embrace

But where is he now?
In a place where all is well and beautiful
A place where he truly belongs
He is our little angel
Feb 2018 · 206
JJ
Z Feb 2018
JJ
When you said hello
Everything seems perfect
A beautiful beginning

But then you said goodbye
Everything crumbled
Death is never ending
Feb 2018 · 439
How can it be?
Z Feb 2018
Your eyes
Full of sadness
Mirrors the cruel world
How can it still be so beautiful?

Your hands
Full of scars
Reminder of struggles and pain
How can it still be so soothing?

Isn't it unfair?
How can you be so you?
How do you do it?
How can it be?
Feb 2018 · 143
GO!
Z Feb 2018
GO!
It started as a dare
A dare to conquer the world
The world that is overflowing with words
Words reflecting oneself.

It turned out to be a good reality
Reality which is so overwhelming
Overwhelming yet so fulfilling
Fulfilling my secret dream.
Feb 2018 · 179
Past. Present. Future
Z Feb 2018
Yesterday, i am lost
Drowning in the sea of unknown
Aching with every fiber of my being
Screaming for help.

Today, i begin to write
Taking each steps slowly, happily
Risking everything i kept for a long time
Opening myself.

Tomorrow, i discover more
I will uncover the treasure within me
I will look over the past
Knowing that a future awaits for me.

— The End —