Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
2.4k · May 2018
samsara
acacia May 2018
i still feel like my purpose is higher
than what i’m living now.

i’m supposed to be swinging in the breeze,
reflecting time,
changing perspectives as a bird,
living in anemones.

how is that i have turned into a secondary color?

i’m more of a roadblock to human life,
my cycle is to serve, support, and help move on. be a learning experience, to help one grow.

i think my soul was put into the wrong vessel,
maybe i was supposed to be a tree (as my name suggests)
or a bird or fish.
or maybe something much more discreet like branches on a tree, or myelin from a mushroom (to help connect).

that’s me: in time, in reality, in relativity. in the womb, out the womb. i’m supposed to be woven into nature and out of sight, not supposed to be heard, behind the scene, hushed stage crew.

but then you try and take me and make me the star of your scene.

maybe that’s where i’m supposed to be, in space, in a star, or maybe a star. to burn out after years, and bloom again (like a flower, since stars and flowers and us are very alike.)

yeah that’s all i am, shades of colors and soft dust. star dust. distant yet so close.

if you love me and hold me, i’ll be okay if you leave me. for i am not supposed to be here.

I’m supposed to limpid, colorful, and skyey;

die in winter, born in spring.

That is supposed to be me (for eternity).
idk what to do by myself more than retail jobs, and office squares.
larger than 100 dollar bills, and greener than your new car.
1.5k · Jun 2018
with(out) sand in my ears
acacia Jun 2018
To be a human and to
drift in and out of
here does not seem plausible.

But when I am to die and I
open my eyes, I’ll find that I am washed
up on shore.

Somewhere between my birth and death,
memories continue to be made and fade.

To be free from this cycle 
of life, death and repeat,
will be the ultimate goal.

I want to be free. To live a life in valleys,
to sit in grass,
to wade along the shoreline.
i’m constantly comparing myself to others.
1.3k · May 2016
Que Sera Sera
acacia May 2016
The sun sets and the moon rises,
the moon sets and the sun rises.

The wind will catch my hair and drift me away from this world
and the clouds will sway to the drum of my heart.

When the tides of the sea have calmed down,
the sand will grip to each and every centimeter of me.

The Earth tilts and the seasons change,
the Earth tilts again and the seasons change again.

And my mind will wander into the deep abyss while the rest of the Earth's memories of each day will become a distant chimera.

The trees grow and their roots go deeper,
the roots are ripped out and the tree dies.

The tailwinds cry and the silence is broken,
and warm winds carry me into the vacuum of space;

a sea of stars and I'm drowning;
whatever happens, happens.
Que sera, sera meaning whatever will be, will be.
1.2k · May 2021
sky
acacia May 2021
sky
boys are dime a dozen
men aren't doing nothing for me any longer
all the rotten things that you do
ain't gonna make me sad
men they just make me mad
ferreira
acacia Jul 2019
Postured up high
green vertical sign
vertical is blue
after green comes blue

He takes it in all night
sipping from a cursed chalice
pull down your armor
show the world your undergarments
take off your hidden charms

Drag a sword across the way
stab them in the chest
they pray to your name
they pray you find their way
Uncoil your serpent
let jets rush through your ears
feel your soul detach, feel your spirit detach,
let this hole detach, keep your spirit in tact

You'd look softer in moonlight
you, the God, calls upon Mount Lake --
you dip your mind into the "A-ness of A";
flail all of your belongings, they belong to the ground
everything is all natural, everything you do is a distraction

Contemplation -- is that what you want?
contemplation -- is that your goal?
Followers think you're their only true lover,
they lay down their kidneys for you --
pedestal, you lay on, above the matrix,
above the world, above (y)our citta, above the soul;

take back everything you say,
purge all of your thoughts: you never had to be this way,
your ghosts now lurk in your pocket, bees swarm your eyes,
they will never stop until -- don't ponder stupid questions like that,
don't assume I'm higher than you, don't you assume I grovel at you feet --

go to the planet of nothing, see what it all really looks like
grandiose can only get you so far
your arrogance stinks up your soul
this room wreaks with cynical fascism, the carpet molds
and your contagious bacteria grows

I will clean up your mess for you,
I'll bask in this narcissistic stench of yours
they take your pictures, they curse at your name,
they see you smile, they lick up your blame
I'd want to be your only true lover
I'm not a spatial thinker

You follow up the road to the stairs
to the highest door shrouded in white
Here,you sing in hymns and snowy tundras,
Here, you are clad in black
your skin is white as carbon
your heart is browner and darker and blacker than below

I burn down your trees
you burn down my city
they aid in your destruction
pseudo-knowledge is their best bet
you've tricked them all now

Get out of my castle
this could be Our castle
I'm ready for it right now
give me the Green light,
let me be the blue-black flame,
the flame to hold your white up high

O, my flame
I still hold your vision in my mind
the walks we will take
the grass verdant and the water trickling
down our steps
it's all there to remind ourselves
that we are interwoven with ourselves and
the birds and trees and bees
these bushes float above the grassy hills
Do you still love the fairies? The spirits
are nothing but our own mind, we are the spirits
in the garden, in our garden, in your garden

O, my flame,
some things will never change
some things have never changed at all
though it may seem that way
to our unseeing eyes
to our veiled eyes
we cannot see all colors, anyway,
so what makes you think that we
see it all? we cannot hear all sounds, anyway,
so what makes you think that we
can contemplate it all?

I will always be there for you, Ground,
to feed you and to water you
O, my flame,
the night-light breathes through
our trees, we walk the distance in the night
the rain won't touch us here
Do you want it to touch us there?

O, my flame,
swim towards me, swim through the fields,
swim through the meadows, swim through the air,
swim through the porous clouds, swim through the smoldering
smoke, swim through the smoke-soaked toads, swim in a knee-length
sea,
whatever it takes to get towards me, whatever it takes to get near me,
whatever it takes to fall in me,
say you are still kindled
Some things will never change
1.0k · Dec 2021
in bloom
acacia Dec 2021
for once I was believing in myself
believing there could be something I
could be good at, decent at, something
I didn't have to fail at: but before
I even got to do it I became interrupted,
obstructed in this belief: for once I felt
I could be empowered, I could explore
myself through something but now that courage
and confidence I thought I could grab
seems far away from me. I feel defeated
and broken before I could bloom.
Please, water me, so that I can continue on.
I know you cannot bloom for me, but please,
water me. Please give me sun.
912 · Aug 2020
City Noir [Mayic]
acacia Aug 2020
let this view be for him: how it must—
the echo draws the lingering soul out of me
but it stays for it whirls and it makes me cry
but the hour of the day to impress you sings the joy
of the One —he stops and I come towards the rain,
and an impressionable glow of horn creeps into the sauna,
and it lowers my body, giving me the “immeasurable” chills:
but still these are words: god is in here, yes, god is in here—
god is way inside the violins and the dreams of these chords
he hits these notes and these horns play as if it was a cliched night
my aching god, my body falls in line with his movements on the drum roll; my neck moves, my hips sway, my waist penetrates the other day into the next morning for it is ephemeral :
the little windows of babes that twirl in these sounds in this rhymes in sight of his horns—filled with city nights

they sound like city nights like lurking blackness over trees and buildings lit up with windows of orange-yellow-opaque and she dances in the background—
this trumpet-woman: she dances, she does a spin she is trying to get her spin; she is trying to get her tap, she is trying to get in the door—she is stuck in the door
the key, she is fumbling with her key—little flails, a higher flail, she flails, she heightens—
she is close to opening the door
she sticks the key, jamming it in there— she turns she turns, she twists she twists: the keys
she takes a breath. — . she turns, she twists, she turns, she twists—
she walks away from the door, the key stuck in there
she staggers trying to learn how to walk again; drunken, she blares out, she blares out in the city coughing and her saxophone belting—she squeaks, she slurs, she blares, she whirs, she slurs, she blares, she sings, she screeches, she whistles through the day and the night

:four trees breeze by her, black skirt flow and taxis pass by her:

lame sounds into the wind, she keeps going. lame sounds into the world—she turns, she twists, she falls slightly, she skips and steps and she turns the key! she inhales [ ] ankle twist her arm trips,
her wrist squeezes into her pocket; clad all black—the stars join her and she sings lamely into the night, her voice reverberating throughout the leaves
a car yells as she repeats the night:
she sings out lamely, blares and twists and turns and she walks to the door—crickets pray, the car yells—she rests her head against the door—cars yell and honk, driving through her door: the door is open: the walls talk to her, the stars all watch her—she limps through the halls, the trumpet, the saxophone limps; the doors watch underneath: peering into the skirt of the trumpet: the hosiery adorned legs cramped and relaxed: tension jarred and stirred, wiggling free: peeking at the shiny bronze in between the bridge the way the air flexes around her

it changes shape towards her daily repeat nightly motion of monitoring the trapeze\

the sky gives atmosphere and volume into her hair—the realm
of being stuck, she is stuck and repeats: she is stuck and repeats
the lame song and blares into the ceiling: the empty missing ceiling—she blares and croaks and lamely walks to the steps of the day. it is night.
her eyes follow the trail up their Stare, and as she goes up each stair she feels despair pouring out of her porous eye’s pores that are open, and eyes closed to the velvet touching her uvula-*****. . . she drowns on these stairs and stains . .  .
cannot make it up—lame song— cannot —blaring —despair
exhale ][ inhale [] exhale ][ inhale [] prana ... lame .. . prana ... prana ... sati ... samadhi... liberate citta ... drop the poor chord: lame, lame song . . .

she limps up the stairs, each foot hitting each stair twice:
up down down down down up up up stagnant stagnate up down down stagnate — up down stagnate stagnate — blaring blare — loud: cranky! — she drunkenly sings, sways up the handrail, pours out her drink down the roof, and watches it fall:

the doors open, all simultaneously, whilst she looks down the stairwell pouring her drink down there for all to have: "Share joy, turn the key! Share, it is stuck! Get it out of the door! Open the door..." she shouts, she blares, she levels out. she yells.
lame song, limping . . . drunkenly dressed. Sloppy. utterance, muttering, low voice, trembling, yet now repeat the motion of the night. — realistic night days of the sophened mind, she blares, she cuts, she blares, she lowers— accelerationist accrucianado — "Dressing me out : the worst way to die go figure:! The constellation shows you!" lame song, blare, drift, loud lame limp. she walks further up the steps—the same song repeat, quivering now, more gusto, more braggadocio: "drawers long. inhale. prana. paroksha. indirectly." she opened once  again: concerto opus *****: quiver, blare, blossom: the stars shine now, and she sings while they fall around her—

she refrains, they fall, glidely, she refrains. she refrains. they fall, glidely, she refrains. she refrains. they fall, glidely, they drop, lively. swiftly. sprightly, brightly—she drinks in her own drinks of drown, she goes down the octave. down. there, the sky changes waving around: now over the highway, she blares loud, floating in the sky, floating above cars, and the traffic below her . . . she blares out croaks: she croons to them the same truth of the heavens they couldn’t see and she refrains loudly, glidely:
whizzling up there—her drool drizzles down there—inside and outside—pumping in, the throbbing joy: thrusting divine, thrusting angels—hayorically she moves dizzily over cities—oceans above her—traffic below her—she cramps up, the stars guide her

her more sing move; she waves more,
to the passerby, the clouds drift by for love/ no love /she drinks more love/ to the god where she blares, she croaks, she wheels out there, into the world cries of a never harmed One:
of a One never divided into Many: and she and the ones in a 50 foot radius are hit with atomic blasts the size: bruised and battered flesh, heart is black and body is blue, but the spirit is incorruptible and the spirit remains when the body burns when the sun dies lamely flying, limply stars guiding—
drool stuttering from each pore on her, she drives away in her no-more vehicle: this is the last body, and she knows this: and she accepts this is her last body, as she flies over New York City,
drifting with the race cars, absorbing each and every person and being: crossing roads that never existed, singing songs to nobody
city noir -
834 · Oct 2021
costs and times
acacia Oct 2021
he got on his bony knees
in Florence
in the dim lighting of the bathroom
removed my sandals
removed my socks
gently placed my feet under running water
and with his soft hands
tenderly washed both my feet
one at a time
drying them neatly on a towel
underneath us
833 · Mar 2021
a little daughter
acacia Mar 2021
lay in satin sheets: I'm longing to be near my dear somebody, who lies his head on a cotton pillow / my heart is hopeful to find some peace tonight with your ghostly arms. a sky blue my body drives over, filling up space in your heart, and I wouldn't mind taking up all the space: crevices filled with sunlight and this love. I reach up to grip the branches, you and your few gray hairs, charm me like something new; he's my old man, with creases in the way he does things; fabric plate shifting each direction my hips churn: my heart stumbles when I feel your wind, someone who I think I might need, and I'd want to be tied and true to you; I'm always true to you, darling, in my mind. blackened halls and pillows, something else to do. and when it is gone, the eyelashes I cry to and the colors of the walls are too white;
811 · Apr 2021
Untitled
acacia Apr 2021
you get tall when you think of me
in yours arms
acacia Jun 2022
daddy i know you are reading this
yes this is my direct please to you

I want the most in the world
I want you as my father to treat me as your own daughter
I want you as my best friend to be your closest friend
I want to be your woman, your lovely loving wife
I want to be your lover to fill your life with joy
and I want us to be equals as human beings

I want to mean all of these things to you

I want you to be yourself in all these angles
treat me as your daughter as your wife as your lover as your equal as your best friend please

to me you are my lover, my closest friend, my father and my equal, another human being, yourself

it’s what I want the most. this is what i want from you. you want to make me happy, this is what will make me happy for life. this is all i’ve ever wanted. daddy. my daddy. your little girl.
796 · Nov 2016
Raw Tender Wound
acacia Nov 2016
I’m back in my same chair again
and still I study the leaves
and meditate what they mean.
If everyone says the same, doesn't it mean it’s true?
What if the planet is telling me this one thing
and each and every star is echoing the same thing,
so it must be true and then it must be fact.
That means something.

I felt every second and every minute of each hour,
and you can’t even imagine the boredom at the bottom of my stomach;
patch me up and fill me up with something worthy.
Ain’t that somethin’ real?
If everyone says so and it’s worthy of my time,
ain’t it real?

But isn’t that something true to me?
The view, the raw feeling it gives me inside.
The itch I can’t reach and the gnawing inside my stomach,
And the fact that I can’t grasp what I need and it kills me;
And now I’m disturbed and I’m sick and I can’t figure out.
What is this bothering me? Is this something for me?
Tailored, sewn, and pressed for me?

I end my night on my roof,
the stars at my fingertips and the moon as my pillow;
the moon soaking me with a cleansing glow;
the shower up here felt so amazing.
There’s nothing like this type of view.
He needs somebody to love him better than all the others do.
682 · Jun 2019
The Morning of a Cherub
acacia Jun 2019
Not these nymphs, but you,
I would perpetuate.
Not these boys, but you,
boyish man. (Fresh-faced men like you.)
You hit me with your stubborn clanging fists, and I sit
watching you with my round doe eyes, and you stay
standing.

Your scruff burns me, but you keep
sliding on me. The breeze swirls around your ears, the leaves sweep
itself over your feet, the rain are flutes.
I conduct the ruins of what used to be, into the castle
of now,

I take some wild clovers
and some green vines from here and there;
weaving into the wheat, the wheat sewn into the doors;
the thresholds lined with sugar to keep you here,
lined with salt to keep me here.

You,
my fruitful man, gazing at me from your rocks,
(the rocks by the water, which if followed, would get pulled down deeper and deeper, until you've awash unto his shore)
penetrate me with your stoney eyes;
skyey you are not, limpid you are not,
tangible you are, my innocence you do not wish to keep.

You hold my sugar in a cup,
you drink from the tears of
my callow face.
("Too innocent," you say I am. You say, "I need to violate.")

You string your words on a ribbon of silk, and
your eyes hop from person from book, because they all bore you --
and you lean on your elbow with your chin resting in your palm,

with twiney fingers and veins;
you, my opaque man:
let me get lost in your waves, in your dew, in your fog.
You, my boyish man, my devilish god, I would perpetuate.
Was it a dream I loved?

inspired by The Afternoon of a Faun by Stephane Mallarame
663 · Oct 2021
stupid crying fits!
acacia Oct 2021
the last time I cried this much
is when the last boy from a few years ago
came back to me starry-eyed and rosy-cheeked
professing how he felt like a rockstar: and I realized in my heart he couldn't be for me, so I had to end it, but before that
I cried in my stained floor, broken floor, all mine,
alone for the love that never could be because I was too fed up
and he couldn't be only mine. I've prayed to leave this life,
to have my life with his bony knees and his brown eyes,
not the life I've known before: the life in his thin arms and his beard I could live in, maybe, is it full of secrets, those hairs?
the way his eyelashes come down: and it pains me to think this.
don't you ask me if you are bad for me because my man you are not, nowhere near it: all these issues stem from me, please understand:
I am trying, don't misunderstand the yearn and the pain that comes from the screams in my dreams: my throat needs to speak and when I am like this its just her coming out, the little girl,
you said we'd do it, we'd do it:
my toes curl onto the glass edge: planar and around the room, it spins a never-ending scape, today I needed to sleep but I couldn't care less about the impact of this on my flow: but my health must sustain and it must be okay.
in the sky something silvery drops behind the walls and painting prepositiosn that litter my writing still: I even tried learning your language, why, why, whereabouts, why, why, whereabouts, why, why, whereabouts, where are your hands? I asked if you could be a good man and if you could treat me right. I asked you to not hurt me in those ways, you know what ways, you know you said okay, to those ways to the whys. mia, mia, eres mia, mia mia, eres mia. eres mia. mia, mia. eres mia. mia, eres. eres mia. mia. mia. mia. por que? eres mia, mia. mia, mia. eres mia. mia, eres. mia. mia. mia. mia. mia. eres mia. my eyes glance at that blue bulb watching for a white wall to appear: mia, mia, eres mia. mia. mia. eres mia, mia, eres, mia, mia, eres. sleepy eyed. I care: yes, I care. I cared so much I'm that child behind, I'm that woman that's behind: ring or not, legality or not, don't leave me behind. my rips holl backwards and forwards, the ancients they scared me and my eyes are heavy. eres mia. mia, mia, mia.
643 · Dec 2021
to the north sea
acacia Dec 2021
this whip is bright like lightning
black matted as a punchthrough void
i swim through brackish waters
to get to cleaner waters
to escape all of the sick dying fish around me
to flip my fins and get far
to feel the warm sun under the water
and the cool moonish nights
but in these vinegar waters
all i see is muck, coughs, cries, screams
broken fins, bottom feeders
in the clear clean waters where they laugh,
where they stay in schools, where they
lounge by coral anemones, out in that northern sea
soon i will be, part of their world

epeiric waters is where i belong
you have to take me right now
from these cold, foggy, murky lives now
swim me there, i can keep up
acacia Oct 2021
relational nightmare yet vague dream of a greenless dayless slumber: night time jack with wood sprawled between his toes: four eyes and mounds of almonds for teeth, yet similar to a burly real husk-man, he stayed inside for the night: camping gear yet no shiny pearls or watch, just his axe and lovely jewels with kind eyes and brimming toothy-sandstone smile — candy man simmering in astral cream, related back to me and my angels as he waves at me like a sunny day, bringing forth the sun vignetted trees and leaves: waves of autumn and spring sprushing by us all from his slick finger. sounds hissing from his mouth and he wills his body to change with his mind, yellow construction and a **** of his teeth. fire spouts from the hole he made and he blows upon life to enforce its behavior: like its shape, he takes forth the sun as a present to the man-fire and bakes it in the earthenware cast. forgiven, again, once more for the hand rolling nature; he sweats yet wipes it off with the sand upon the ground. a towel blanket he’s made out of chimes, bells, whistles, and tones. cycling sounds produces a color of slight orange tinged with yellowish trinkets: makes my ******* cause a flurry, a flustered sight between my buttocks and the flabbergasted nature of this man. he paws and gropes at the brown fat mass upon my back side, beard full and beard sprung, playing and kicking my buttocks as if it was his toy and for this moment I loved to be this toy for him: wet creamery slides down from in between my thighs, a view from the front reveals the lowercase “w” shaped hanging buttocks cheeks I have, large and full, now in his slender vainglorious hands: surprised at the texture of my meat and surprised at his enjoyment of my derrière. the jiggling flesh bounces in his palms and my thighs and waist become his. my froth leaks from me and my roundabout teats become hardwired and ready to socket. the plump globes lift from my chest, and before he takes them in his hands, his anterior is now glued to my posterior: screams of songs delightfully escaped my mouth, rescued by his joyous moans that catches mine in the air: frivolous fribjous day! this man takes my chest, as they are his pearls, takes what is his, gropes and squeezes and pushes hope into my large milk-swollen teats: picking at my rock *******, thrusting his extended ***** boneless member into the soft slivet between my juicy ebony cheeks: his fair hands squeeze, pull, press, takes; his hips ******, rub, grind, and gives. his slender hips engulfed within the creamy huge flesh of my buttocks and his pink lips attach and **** to my dark neck: he takes me!  I push myself back, leading our bodies myself to the couch beneath him, our bodies stretched backwards and now my head rests on his shoulder, my ******* lifted and pointed in the air with his hands stuck onto my round dewdrops on my chest, and his hard fleshy pink man sliding into my wet hot ebony crevice: deititious nectar oozes from us both, slides and thrusts and our bodies dancing on one another: I bounce on top of him, my pillowy large buttocks slapping against his crotch and his regal hands cup my ******* that jiggle and bounce against his palms: my moans synchronize to the thump, slap, slap, thump of his strong pelvis pressing against my large buttocks as he lodges his thick and large ***** inside of my soft, blossomed flower: he forgets where he begins and I end as we merge into this melody of body, moans, and my head turns to his to kiss and our tongues entangle and move over each other’s bumpy wet soft surfaces: pink upon pink. his soft fair hands move to my waist while my tongue explores his mouth, moving my body up and down faster and slamming himself into me harder and harder: hitting me, my sweet ******* area, until my pinky ****** love clasps and spasms tightly around him, my goddess flower clamping tightly onto his god stem, only releasing her yonic juices that have filled the rivers, seas, and oceans; he fills me with his *****: his seed that has created trees, fruit, mountains — together we have made life, we have made the universe.
599 · Dec 2021
desire part 2
acacia Dec 2021
I love when he takes
me that way
when he wants me so much
that he feels he needs
me right then
right there
right now
yes, him
only him

I lay on the
bed naked and vulnerable
on my back and my petals
bloom in front of him
right then
right there
right now
yes, him
only him

I watch him as he
is a god in this way
the only time
I will ever say such a thing
about a man who is so
beautiful as him
his lips, his eyes
the way he stares
he takes me with his eyes
before his hands

put me on to your
privates, look at my pretty ****
do you see how dark she is?
fall into my night
fall into my dark night
let me be your healing
I can be real bad -- a bad little girl --
it will be good, let me, come on daddy,
be bad and keep you in me
so that you can be submerged
in me, together, we melt
into each other

we move together
my hips moving up
your body thrusts
and drives into me
I wear your sweat
you call me your angel

hot ribbons fill my womb
sweet nectar flows around your phallus
fall into me
I catch you
acacia Jun 2021
I want you to take care of me, in all the ways
I want you to show me relief, in all the ways
You know my tendencies
I want you to do it all for me too!
I’ll take care of you in all the ways I can
549 · Mar 2022
the flowers
acacia Mar 2022
my man is my man is always he stays where he must be for me
it's not that i'm a greedy woman
he goes where he must sun shining into his mouth
warmth on his tongue buds blooming inside
pink pulpy mass chained to biochemistry within
stay away from my man i could never leave such a man
lick his stress away, watch his tension ooze out his snake
the snake i coil 'round, 'round and 'round until i'm hazy
i'll keep him here whatever the cost
540 · Feb 2023
lemon
acacia Feb 2023
if i was normal I’d
wouldn’t call you daddy,
wouldn’t want to cuddle with a stuffy
and wouldn’t need to be treated like a child,
maybe it’d be better, maybe it’d **** more

but I want it and I need it,
don’t deprive me
535 · Nov 2021
Hume's guillotine
acacia Nov 2021
and the sky was made of obsidian
those words made me feel jealous,
I felt a bit out of control: I said so much, yeah,
too, my eyes began to well (well, well)
might last a day, yeah
might last forever: this feeling,
I'm feeling: this jealousy feeling:
this feeling, I'm feeling: possessive and jealousy
inspired by violet and my feelings of jealousy and fear
531 · Nov 2021
the new york portraits
acacia Nov 2021
I sketched him
lying on the bed
blankets ruffled
against his flat stomach
eyes closed, jaw sharp
veins trickling like rivers
fair skin slightly darkened
by the shadows of the
curtains shielding us
from new york’s early sun
I shaded the muscles in his thigh
shaded in his knuckles
he breathed deeply
strong nose and soft eyes
muscular hands
what do you think he’d see
if he could look behind the
curtains?
acacia Jan 2021
caught a wave i didn’t try to catch
i’m over it it wants me back
why does this happen to me
i gotta sail on and i need to try:
wings! i fly way too hight!  i hold hand to mouth to lie my mouth if beings open now  i
relinquish all the time
my brain it said to sleep and die when i freak another five days
only when i will forgive this time be aware my open back eat something drown it all out noise to be blurry clouds i can’t solve the sun but i can stop you from knowing my heart it hurts
swing swing swing swing swing synth synth swing swing swing swing swing synth synth drop bass me too
caught a wave i didn’t want to catch
i’m needing the next one but yet i climbed so high
i looked down i’m scared to go down
i look at down
sky that’s up climb down but up the sky there is a light
i look at down
i’m scared to fall
sky that’s up climb more up but down the ground there is a light
i look at down
i’m scared to go

waves waves waves a little wave got a hold on, i got about three: boys i could call any time but i only want him: he's so. far. away.
waves waves waves a little wave got a hold on, i got about three: boys i could call any time but i only want him: he's so. far. away.
521 · Apr 2021
i cry into my pillows
acacia Apr 2021
there’s no one
i’m an awful person
and the idea of slitting myself comes
500 · Nov 2021
next to Monaghan
acacia Nov 2021
men like you
are such a dream
the way your hair
rings; the way your jaw
moves beautifully,
behind the scenes
you’re in peace:
)you’re in piece(
apart from the lines
that roll from your neck
the way you lick your lips
and tip next to me
and sing)will you sing(
496 · Oct 2021
Nintje
acacia Oct 2021
let me be your girl
your sweetheart
look at me in that way that you look at him the same
because I'm at a tender age too
still a delicate one
for tonight I require
I need something tethered
near you and under the
weather into your umbrella,
I want to be your little girl
splashing in the puddles, raincoats, and that loving
look in your eyes, that sparkle I crave, your smile
and your hand held in mine: I couldn't admit this to you
so I write it this way:
blue, yellow, red: paraplu:

can we do this?
even if it's just once a week,
maybe every day, or once a month:
I can make you happy, blijf bij mij
I can give you colors and I can help you grow
I look at you with the sparkles in my eyes
I look at you with magic and stars
the fish-eyed woman — the fish-eyed girl,
who stares at you eagerly with love and acceptance
acacia Jan 2021
do i stay awake to wait for your reply?: how do you make me feel this way? to be young & soft, i ****** you: sway you to bathe in our love & pain. set your heart on fire, you find me wild: shimmery fog veils our sight, all we have are dimly lit pathways
acacia Sep 2020
Threw each glass against the flow-shants of each word
vocal-tension, when form reacts against its shards, rotate sprinkle,
moving through the invisible waters in empty space I listen to these songs to go towards God
inviting God into my home, into my eyes and heart instead of focusing on flesh like you
lay my head down in the lap of God, my hair stroked by the hands of angels
to access me in this third density, they disguise themselves in jewels, in voices, in words and in the structure of pages, in the passages of the hekhalot, see me inside Lorelai;

drunk on the tales of the Most High, olives form and grow inside their teeth,
cheeks are rosied and I manifest with the light shone inside me, sourced from God and angels beyond me, connecting from a bridge deep within my kidneys,
relics of god-thought-sent from juvenile gardens, made countlessly,
unmatched and bountiful, Edens everywhere when He talks to me.

He sings to me, whilst whispering inside my brown ear; His hand cups my head, fingers sliding in between my curls:

                  “Admittance comes from the mind, acceptance comes from the heart:
          the senses work extra-ordinarily,
the sonorous haze, the visual daze  :  a body peddles one forward
towards the trickery of the eye: and the eye is dazzled by the flashy things of the world, of what is human, something still so human
    but the Eye and the Ear holds on to something more than that: intangible, indelible, incomprehensible.
                     Why don't you see with your Inner Eye? Why don't you hear with your Inner Ear? Think with your Inner Mind? The Higher Mind?” Somehow a breeze kisses my ears . . .
my whole life is empty without you: i am not without you.
446 · Aug 2017
gi meg elsker
acacia Aug 2017
nå gi meg etterglød liksom månen
gi meg elsker
gi meg en brann å brenne
og brenne kjærlighet inn min tuppene
now give me afterglow like the moon
give me love
give me a fire to burn
and burn love into my fingertips
acacia Aug 2021
and it feels nice to see you working around
back and forth back and forth
after a final foot forward
splashing behind
near a waterfall
giggling babe and a chuckling man
ran away into an epilogue
skinny dipping in the water back there
i tried to cover myself and my scars
but you pull my hand back and you pull my hair out of my face and you can see me
free bare wet and i can see you free bare wet
you say this is how you like me

my head swirls in cream
fresh air inhaled nostrils expand
so does my chest
in our bright youth
boulevards in my eye
the stones we crossed
the skies we drank
the cement we licked
locked eyes then
sitting under a moon
staring until i swoon
in galileo’s room


curled up to white
flows dreams brick and a brick
seemingly to know the words will not flow
there’s no body for you but mine—
somewhere to the blues and sleeping
in a bed made of cherry bark
or whatever you want to do—
i’ll let you make the rules
440 · Dec 2022
Just like Before
acacia Dec 2022
want to make you lose control, I want to **** you inside, build you back up and destroy again and we can both play destroy -- we can play life and light, we can be natural with the world we are in tune we are in touch together we can sacrifice ourselves for each other, each other for ourselves, look me deep in my eyes, let go of your mind, let go of your binds, consume into me, indulge engulf, breathing real close
acacia Jun 2018
part i. what does death taste like? (“death is a part of life.” it doesn’t have to be)

i haven't visited that side of me in a while. i forgot how death felt -- how voyeurism felt.
the queasiness used to give me a rush, the asphyxiation made me blush.
the decaying yellow was complementary, and the edge made me feel, dare i say, alive.
while i’ve been a toddler again, i’ve forgotten the taste of wine and the texture of bread.
i no longer noticed how soft, ripe my flesh was. i no longer noticed the grime that piled
beneath life’s fingernails. i washed my hands so often, i assumed everyone else did, too.
my eyes became filled with tears, and my cheeks went ashen. yet, his brows were knit,
his eyes were cold, his mouth in a comfortable frown. he questioned me (as if i was
irrational for crying over a death), his tone heightened (while his conscience declined).
his eyes decline when he feels his conscience die. but he says it only happens when
he doesn’t look me in the eye. when he looks me in the eye while he cuts off my air,
he’s aware. he’s careful not to take it away permanently (he has a limit). when he looks
at me, he sees me, his angel. and trees do fall; leaves break away; soil does dry out;
flowers wilt; and we come back.

part ii. tea

more and more i search for quality. for quality.
peace. i want life’s beauty. i want life’s deliverance; i want what gaia has left to give.

the more i think, the more i feel.
i want the grit, pain; to be used and abused.
masochistic: please me by using my body to vent. remind me of what that iron taste is.
take away and then give.
my throat (a lifesource) -- take away and give back.

part iii. samsara/nirvana

freedom from samsara.
this cycle of death.
no, i won’t live forever; i’ll ascend far past immortality. beyond life, beyond death.
no. life and death. those two words have no value. no longer hold weight. are not real.
i exist solely as an entity, a matter, a collection of stardust and dirt. dense white matter
protecting throbbing pink matter. deconstructed. abstract. conceptual, theoretical
matter. we aren’t sparse. “we” are not. we are fleeting, made up complexities; making
life difficult. “we”. me. “i am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.”
samsara. nirvana. liberation. no more “cycle”, no more rotation. existing in a pile. no alive,
no dead. these words don’t exist. no ring around you. no ties to you. no chains on you.
drifting, floating, sliding through (no beginning or end) tranquility.
a three part poem i wrote because i saw someone hang themselves. about suicide, death, life, i guess. another deep existential night! just my thoughts eh. i also quoted the beatles! “i am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.”
419 · Jan 2017
Escaping Into the Void
acacia Jan 2017
\
the bizarre entices me,
the Bible takes me away
to a place where nothing can hit me.
409 · Jul 2017
Ponder through the day
acacia Jul 2017
I dream of sleeping
In your arms and in your lap.
Let me be safe in your arms,
keep me sleeping sound throughout the night.
Make sure these thoughts don’t bother me
and keep me steadfast in my dreams.
When worries weigh upon my mind,
replace them with comforting thoughts of you.
Whatever things chaste and true,
may thoughts of these bring peace to me.
Love and love and love and love,
more love and it’s all about love.
Love from you and giving you my love,
absorbed in it may I become.
403 · Dec 2021
PRINCESS OF THE WORLD
acacia Dec 2021
on top circuloid hydration
white springed days stepped forward
as the older man sang to the purity that sat high on top
the purity on top regarded the song as worthy, hums and tapping
of the human's tongue. he bounced on one foot, the other foot, cloth-
-ing gyrating to its own melody and humdrum. the man settled with
a humble drawl.
402 · Aug 2021
green candles for you
acacia Aug 2021
the room fills with smoke
i twist and swerve
my waist rotates around him as a snake around the vine
crystals clanging and words whispered from the head

its nothing too big of a deal; just talk and ask something about it and never question those things, because when i talk it becomes something so sweet and silly never made a difference: and then you could make a reason, you could be a sacred season: harmonize and humming, and you could breathe in easily, when its easy to love me.

these things are so brown, he tastes like it: i open up to it, taken aback by her way of slithering around: like an occulted cloth on the table, where the towel lays and its woven with seashell and job’s tears: necklace out of adam’s root, grisgris fed with my tears. humming and harmonize: congruency matters, and it’s easy to love me.

seaweed and nitrous: a little taste of glitter, the roadways open. hymns spoken from its fur, whiskers appealed.
401 · Nov 2019
Venular
acacia Nov 2019
Lighted near your honeyed eyes,
all we are is stagnate; motion requires two;
no more we —
bullets form the V of Venus,
drunkenly they form,
they stay informed of form —
all we are is formless; form requires two;
no more we.
yoke
400 · Mar 2022
kiss me under the waterfall
acacia Mar 2022
and I don't need to worry

when my lips tingle from your teeth
touching me your beard
grazes over my cheek
whispering songs into each other's ears
let me have this dream

i want to be free and beautiful
under the falls of nature
splash in the water and perch upon a rock
let me live this dream, make this a reality
come with me deep into the mountains
we'll have lunch on the grass by the water
rushing water through each other
and i kiss you on the ground

please come with me
so i can live my dream
with you my love with you
393 · Apr 2021
he makes it easy
acacia Apr 2021
he makes me feel like a little girl,
I look down at myself, I see my legs and I feel like myself again
what did you do to me? I look at you and I swing back and forth, my feet dangling in the air:
I'm in complete adoration, I wiggle in my chair
I see the Sun conjunct with Venus; a marriage of our lives
380 · Oct 2021
Night unto day is married
acacia Oct 2021
I felt so tiny, like a soft jewel rested in blankets and swirls rotate near and around me, my eyes heavy and a smile dimpled on: a baby in her crib, a girl in her papa’s arms, a wife loving her husband, a friend laughing with her best friend, a secure person in a safe bed kissed and protected by the light of life and blanketed by the love of the night. my cheeks glow, my lips purr, my eyes close: sleep. encased by singing bowls, cribbed by nature, soft tones whisper for splashes and wonder. soft whirs, silent spurs, baby babble. brooks, ponds, lakes. daffodils, forgetmenots, asters.
371 · Jul 2021
sunshine
acacia Jul 2021
My old man knows I'm the boss
yet without him I'm lost,
he's my sunshine: and I get what I want
from him, well, of course, I'm his sunshine

I lay on the carpet
in a ripped skirt
I have everything in this world; what more could I want?
Looking at me like I'm an alien: something else ripples
inside his fleshly skin

He repeats his mantra: anything for me for I am his sweetest angel,
he's at his very best. Even though, it seems as if -- but really I am at his beck and call, bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I.
Making me feel like a little girl, kicking up and happy: sweetest smiles and his kisses, skies show the lining silver
357 · Apr 2022
no lies
acacia Apr 2022
never have i been the same
tonight’s my life
always will i go and change
that’s not a lie
never have i been the same
tonight’s my life
always will i go and change
that’s not a lie
crying

my new sad song i posted to my sad song soundcloud.
https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/9NkWiGRs5mcuHTH26
357 · Apr 2021
green beans
acacia Apr 2021
the jealousy in his eyes turned me on
amusement played at my lips as I kept going on
drawling on about the artistry of the cigarette and the mouth
the quick-paced changed subject, the slight look to the left and to the right
my heart warms
353 · Apr 2021
no one has me
acacia Apr 2021
the one thing i had
it’s over
i’ve sunken into the sand
that’s the last straw
that’s the last thing
i have no one
no one has me
no one has me
how sad
acacia Aug 2019
[BLAST BEAT]
I want to draw The Tower, instead I draw The Star: I want to crash, instead I keep sailing in the wind.
My wings keep moving even though I remain static under.
Sailing to the same points like the small ready-knots, (ready-knot, i.e., the invisible atom that doesn't move but look as if it is moving because of our eyesight; didn't you pay attention when the world was created?) though I am the 10th house, the macrocosm.
I cover my face with my hands: my wings keep moving: I cover because fear.
I bite the skin on my knuckles.
I wish I could fall apart: I wish I could tumble like a grain of sand down the dune into a pile of build up, yet someone won't let me collect.
Sreda throws me into His hurrcaning gales, I remain the same. The Monad rotates me over His fire, I remain the same.
I step over Your coal, Your knives, Your deluge; clumsily, yet I do.
My wings keep moving: everything I have could fall apart, my wings keep moving, and I cover my face out of fear.
You can call me the lamb, you can say I don't listen, you can call me weak and misunderstood, you can call me the small turtle dove, for I cover my face out of fear.
Though I don't want it to, my feathered sails glide through the skyscape; though I can't control it, I sail through white and blue; though I don't want to, I sail through nebulae tinged with unfinished fevers;
I peak through my fingers, eyes bright as a new-born cosmos, and I sometimes examine the pretty color of You, Father of Shine, and I sometimes study the tracks of You, Prince of Buoyancy. [BLAST BEAT]
I peak through my fingers, rain drops fall through these cracks, and I sometimes like the feel of your rays, Sun, and I sometimes like the feel of your winds, Mercury.
I stay far and cold and remaining: my wings keep moving, I keep sailing.

* [note]
I speak to you, the world, and to You, the avatar and the avatar:
feeling special again, please, someone put me in my place /
the monopolization / the vanity / the selfishness /
look how many I's are in my name:
feeling special again, please, someone put me in my place.
feeling special again, please, someone put me in my place
the monopolization
the vanity
the selfishness
look how much I refer to myself
feeling special again, please, someone put me in my place

I speak to you, the world, and to You, the avatar

I have wanted to fall apart
344 · Dec 2021
burdens of the world
acacia Dec 2021
tell me
please whisper in my ear
that i won’t have to live a life
of struggle anymore and
you will take me and
show me what relief is
344 · Jan 2022
Madrid then Valencia
acacia Jan 2022
I'd like him to
take my jaw in his hands
press his mouth on my lips
open mouths
tongues go in
he is so handsome and
in Spanish sun
on the sand
rolling clouds
day in and out
here we are in Madrid
343 · Feb 2021
ASE' AND MOTE IT BE!
acacia Feb 2021
ase' and abundance: i feel your power and i thank you: please, mote this be: grant my wish, allow me to see: please i know you see me, i know you hear me: bless this business, bless this household: my mother aches and i carry her heart and burden: so mote it be, greater lover, greater blesser, greater benefic: beauty in your name, herald the joys of doves for one to see the abundance you overflow with your *****: milk for all, sweetness cherished at last and only a drop of cheese to bring onto the world: nothing but doughness and gripes, grand cherokee drives and cold whetstone slabs: is this the price i pay? for your gold, silk, priorities.  .  .

i sleep in a bed of earthenware, moss, sprinkled with gold and lapis lazuli -- my house is ornamented with believer's sins and confessions, yet my swollen ******* and miraculous ***** and precious derriere moves and rubs against his warm ***** member, it is sewn out of his love, his eros, his psyche:

it overflows and joys onto me and my cheeks flush to know i feel your presence, Jove: we decree, I decree, i am humbly awaiting your gift:

here is my public awareness and my service to you, to make the world know of your swiftiness, your gaudiness, your lordliness, your bigness, your vastness, your richness, the chimes and dings and the orbs and the sparkles and the floaters and all the things you are that you send my way to remind me of the power you have bestowed upon me: thank you Jove: do not miss me, I will not miss you. bless my business, bless my household, my wares:

you love me, i feel this in my ******* that the lion-hearted man kiss each night, he loves to circle and twirl his tongue around my chocolate coated *******, squeezing and pawing at my *******: he yearns to ****, mote it be, Jupiter: allow milk to flow from my ******* and onto him, allow the seeds of your wealth and of his *** to flow inside of me: my ears ring for I know you hear and see my plea, the white flashes of light bring up to me that you are near: and my henads: beauty, beautiful, by Jove, don't leave:

he will never leave, for I am heaven: he lies here, ontop of me, thrusting inside of me, riches and security from his mouth and from my ******* comes forth love and creativity: he wills to desperately serving me, desperately worshipping me;

you have granted me the Gift, you have granted me as Seer, and you have granted me the form of a Goddess inside and out: an angel as they might say: inside and out, blessed be me by you, O Energies: please, do not see your way out, only see your way within me. mote it be, ase.
- the negativity bounces back to your own feet
341 · Nov 2021
weeping heart
acacia Nov 2021
lights rotate around my room
things that make sense
I can't make it on my own
this feeling is not normal
I'm sorry I embark this on you
the screen got a little bit fuzzy
my body aches for you
my heart aches for you too
rotate around my room
in the light let me be, too

lights, your arm, sleeping
you know I can't make it on my own
lights, your arm, sleeping
you didn't think you'd feel this way
lights, your arm, sleeping
you know exactly what I'm thinking
lights, your arm, sleeping
come on, you know you like when I'm a
good sweet girl; come on, you know you like
when I'm a good sweet girl;
you can be my daddy.
Next page