time’s changed, and you’re so much different than you used to be. i’ve changed, i’m more open, but my heart still feels pain the same dumb way it always has. i’m still really uptight and i can’t let myself go. i can’t seem to loosen my inhibitions. you’re trying to close this distance, but realistically i can’t break down in front of everyone and leave, or disappear. i don’t have the guts.
will you love that part of me? the part that is trying to get keep myself away from intimacy because it is self-loathing? i don’t mean to be so uptight and so reluctant to do anything. i’m always so scared, and i’ve never really lived life too much on the edge. our differences seem to clash a little bit, and sometimes it’s like we’re speaking two different languages. but your fire is what i crave, and you say that my water is what you need. i’m terrified of dampening your flame, suffocating your fire.
you’re trying to close this distance between us, and realistically i’ll never leave you now or later; you promise the same thing. but if i’m not enough for you and if i make you feel this bad, please leave. don’t stay. if i can’t make you better or complement you, please leave. don’t waste time with me.
my distance isn’t because i don’t want you. i just want you to be able to think clearly, don’t want to mess this up for you. i’m here to keep you from going crazy, to keep you from snapping, to keep you from breaking. you say i’ll find a part in you that i really won’t like, but i’ll love that part of you. i’ll deal with that part of you. i’ll hold that part of you. you’ll never drive me crazy. you won’t scare me.
season’s repeat, we’re different. but you still swear you’re in love with me, can you not see? am i not dampening your fire? you’re a king, and the world is your holy golden throne. i’m nothing but a servant, yet you swear that i am your queen. i know this isn’t right, it isn’t the role fit for me. i’m worth nothing more than a handful of dirt, and i hear those sell close to nothing these days.
i’m love dazed, and i hunger after you. it’s always so dark without you. you make me smile, don’t you notice that? everyone and everything makes me sad. but you manage to make me smile more than anyone else on this planet and my soul belongs to you. i’ve made a vow to you. i’ve never done that before. i swallowed you, but you don’t see what i see, how much that matters to me. i’m going to give you my innocence. i want to give you my maidenhead and more.
these times will pass, and these emotions will pass. so will everyone else. the world will even pass (the scene of this world is changing), but i swear, we will remain. your heart will always touch my heart, and my hand will always touch your hand. my eyes will always look into yours, and your lips will always touch mine.
i want to be perfect for you. i want to be the perfect slave. can’t you love this phase for me? this phase that is trying to let you control me. it is not you, my love. it is me. sweetheart, i’m telling you. i need to get used to this. i’ve never found this in anyone else. i need you to stay here, and please continue to be patient; patience is what i will give you, too.
dampen part two
stay a while. take your shoes off. (i know you don’t like taking your shoes off, but you’ll be here for a minute.) i’ll get comfortable when you are comfortable with me. i’ll relax and let loose, i’ll loosen my inhibitions if you do it for me. you know it’s hard for me to not care, to push everything into the back of my mind, into the back of my throat. but how can i when you are everything? i don’t want you in the back of me. i want you where i can see, in front of me, in the front of me. the redundant things that circle my mind bulge out of me, and you kiss it like it’s a cut. the beauty of this is in the kiss. it’s the most gentlest kiss you’ve ever given me.
agave nectar sweat. sweethearts eyes. honeydew lips. olive skin. don’t further your distance from me because in your arms, you lift me into a bed. a bed is home. it’s a buoy. a buoy in the ocean, in the ocean on a cloudy day. you are the day that brings forth the rain, my rain; with all this rain recently your soul has been a bit dampened. but if i never rained, you wouldn’t know how i feel, and communication is important. but without my rain the plants wouldn’t grow, the plants in you would be dry and dehydrated. they’d burn away. and the plants inside of you are beautiful, the flowers seem surreal. the flora is so green and lush, the trees are so tall that they reach the stars. your fauna is delicate and they grow so elegantly.
you snip off my clothing like you’d snip off my hair. you bite me as if you are a hound (your bite is worse than your bark), or maybe a vampire (you like the taste of a little blood). my ears are kissed and breathed on, my whole being quivers and my heart moans. my body whimpers when you put a heavy hold onto my throat, whispering how you could crush my windpipe. do you like that? do you like the power you have over me? i know i do.
my cheek is red and my ears ring. i see stars and when i look at you, i see the stars that you hung above the world. my heart swells, and my body shakes with your quick slaps and thumps. the rough grip that you have is like a carpet burn, an indian burn. my lip bleeds, you’ve drawn blood. the hits against my walls seem to be an indescribable pain yet, an insurmountable amount of pleasure.
i squirm and contort, you roughly drag me back into you. you question where i think i’m going as you know that i cannot distance myself from you. don’t feel bad, my love, for you are just the right amount.
i feel the wet, hot stings of you all on my stomach. it’s even gotten on her. she is raw and she is throbbing with an itch. i won’t further my distance from you.
this was an hour i cannot forget. he’s turned into the time of the day that i won’t ever not think about, that i won’t ever not feel.
this is one of the ways i can that i love you, especially since we speak different languages.