Is happiness equal to ******* sunshine?

Before I am reposed at last, weave me a crown of flowers
So for when I pass death's threshold, I might carry life
For the rotting halo I wear might turn me into an angel  
And my decomposing body to have a companion

I wake up at 5:03
I want to sleep for a couple more minutes
but I don’t want my alarm to continue screaming at me
I brush my teeth, shower, and stare at my closet
contemplating what to wear today
I decided to dress like a nuisance
I go downstairs trying not to trip and fall
ditching breakfast along the way
almost missing the bus
I save my seat quickly
I put my earphones in and put my volume up to block the noises coming from the couple behind me making out
so I can only hear my music instead
when I arrive at school
a moment of realization hits me
“I forgot to take my meds” I thought

my first 5 classes are bland
and when lunch came I sat with my friends
in the lunch table we were at
to my left I see one of my friends with their ****** boyfriend
spreading their pda all over the table
to my right my other friend was talking to a few nobodies
my last friend had to go to detention because they can’t go one day without being a trouble maker
I was sitting in between
I made up a lie saying “I had to go to a school club” but in reality I just need to clear my head
I went to the library and drift to sleep on a book
but then I got awoken by the Liberian saying lunch has ended
it’s fine though
I didn’t want to eat lunch anyways

When I went to my 6th classes
the geometry teacher hands out a test
before I was really good at geometry
Trigonometry and Pythagorean felt like cartwheels in my brain
but now I just sink my head on my desk
counting down the seconds till the bell rings
when I reach to my last class which was Spanish class
it’s silent and calm
I prefer it that way
so I just memorize Spanish words till the day ends
when I’m the bus ride home
I picked up a book that I “borrowed” from my backpack
it was a poetry book and I read it till my bus stop came

when I got home
I immediately ran upstairs and went to my room
pouring out my tears on my pillow till my eyes felt puffy
then I drift to sleep
but then when night finally came
I was awoken by the sound of my mom and dad
they were arguing again
this was normal
their voices were sword fighting on who gets the last word
their argument awoken everyone else in the family
me, my grandma, my sis, and my grandpa look down from upstairs
watching two people **** each other with words of resentment

I go back to my room
locking my door and rest on my bed
staring at the ceiling
I put my earphones on
blast the volume up so the music can sing into my eardrums
then I daydream into the unknown

Someone cherished close,  
Makes parting weigh so heavy
My heart aches, Goodbye.

©️Lizzie Bevis

Millions of words unsaid,
and ones I whispered ever so softly,
they swirl in the air,
as my heart hope they reach you.

Laughs, pranks and fights we could have shared,
are now dreams I wish we could have spared.
Each day the thought sinks deeper in,
that my love could have stopped you from leaving.

Never ceased loving you,
wished I was allowed to pour it out.
Your smile fills my memory always,
a comfort amidst the wrenching pain.

Time
The present carries you along, the past
Unwinds behind, time’s arrow
Keeps the future up ahead.  
That’s how it’s always been, but now
The present slips away, leaves the future in the past,
  and disappears.
You’d follow but the present’s gone, moved on,
Left you behind,
In a future that’s already out of date,
But still enough to knock you down.

Change
Things change without you—
What seemed stable disappears,
Your horizon shrinks to nothing,
The future surrounds you,
And everything is stranger than you imagined.

Keeping up
You hesitate along the way,
Say that’s enough to this and that
But keep up with the rest,
Until you say to what remains
This far but no farther
This much but no more.
            
Memory        
When asked—
You find your reasons are in the past,
With gaps and pages missing,      
And certainties uncertain,
Planets in motion, pulled loose from their stars,
Leave you in silence.

As the ink grows a tad eager,
the heart beats a little faster.
To free the catch in my throat,
is a folly that I never could learn.
And this fire in my being that has my tongue...
forever could burn.

Blossoms tucked in my hair
Stars in shining eyes 
I turn my face up to heaven 
I smile at raven skies 

Moonlight bathes a sleepy world 
There's moon dust on the skin 
Drenched in milk and cream 
Blooms are a happy pink 

Perhaps a wish I'll make this night 
On a sliver of fallen lashes 
Tonight is a night of magic blue 
Streaked with silver sashes 

I'll sit on clouds of violet 
Down they’ll come for me 
Hitch a ride to a silver star 
And be with the fairies 

The wind will run by my side 
Oh, she will hum a song 
With her I will fly high 
And wake a drowsy  dawn 

I'll run my fingers through the air 
For a rainbow I will crave 
From the dark grey rippling crested sea
I'll pull out a crescent wave

I'll go round stars that burn so bright 
Play fiddle with sterling beams 
Kiss a wish on a resting  brow
And sprinkle happy dreams 

I'll stop for breath on snow clad peaks
Breathe in their pearly glow
Tumble down a curving ***** 
And make angels in the snow

And then back on a  cloud of violet 
The  wind shall whistle her tune 
With dreams like lanterns in my eyes 
I'll be dancing with the moon

Tonight I'll spin on my toes  
Without a thought or care 
For I'll ride to a twinkling silver star 
With blossoms in my hair