As far back as I can see
I've always had a question,
"Whats wrong with me?"

I can't connect with my sisters,
or with my mom or dad,
My face, to them, only ever looks sad.

I want to say maybe this wasn't always the case,
Maybe before I can remember,
There was something that changed?

I don't know what shifted,
What made me so different
I just know I felt unwanted often.

An apology isn't an explanation
It took me until now to get it.
It's upsetting how blind I am
to my own hypocrisy.

I've always wanted acceptance
and felt it was an essential need,
I'd break down each time
My parents couldn't apologize

They'd bring up excuse after excuse,
"It's my belief," "I'm not wrong," "this is my side..."
I hated them for this
But had my own way of doing the same thing.

Does this mean I'm the narcissist?
I'm the selfish, arrogant. awful person
I saw reflecting back at me
Through my family?

These thoughts creep up on me again and again,
They make me want to crawl under a rock,
Become dust and eventually drift away
at least in the wind I could change.

I arch my shoulders to my cheeks
And press my weight upon my feet
Agress my chest unto my knees
This shape I take; anxiety

She rolled onto the stage
In spandex laced with studs
Electric guitars squealing
The same ol' worn out crud.

The drumbeats and the bongos
That thudding telltale beat
She knew she wasn't nothin'
But a screamin' piece of meat.

[Chorus]
The Music Man got holda her
Gripped her wild mane
With dreams of mansions on the hill
Dreams of wealth & fame.

There's so much more insida me!
So much more to art!
Got a Stratocaster body
And a plain ol' mandolin heart.

Then the music changed around
To a funky Kind of Blue
Her bassist & guitar men
Sported their tattoos.

She did not start out this way
No, she started small
In a little bluegrass band
Sayin' "come on back, y'all..."

[Chorus]

At the backstage party
She showed up but didn't stay
She was all smiles & wiles
Then just faded away.

She got in her Maserati
She left all alone
She said goodbye to no one...
She turned her wheels toward Home.

**Bridge:
She wanted to get lost in it
Forget her humble start
But the Hollywood music machines
Only tear apart
Now she longed for MORE than meals
Eaten a la carte
She broke the Stratocaster
Played her plain ol' mandolin heart.

Look at the dancing dragon
He puts on quite a show
He lifts up high into the air
As the wind begins to blow.
A wind of change is whipping
Round & round it goes
As it becomes a hurricane
Or an EF5 tor-na-do.

China's at the wall, my friend.
To scale like a flood
Question why their banners fly
Red as flowing blood.
Red, with pretty little stars
A fallen angel brood
They will come a-marchin'
We'll be DONE for GOOD.

Ever wonder why, ye fools
They buy up to the south?
You don't hear THAT on the news
But it is TRUE, by oath!
The dragon's near. Yep. It's HERE.
WE ARE IN IT'S MOUTH.

They don't NEED to buy US.
Think not? You'll find you're WRONG.
They have surely purchased us
And did so for a song.
They don't NEED to fight a war...
It already could be WON.
The Chinese have not marched without
They've conquered from WITHIN.

What will happen to U.S.
Only God can tell.
But the Red Chinese are waiting...

AT THE GATES OF HELL.

SoulSurvivor
Catherine Jarvis
11/8/2020

labyrinths of interwoven
                            time..

Cling on the dawn of morrow.
       unseen until the rigor of seasons.

I gaze out and splendor at the
     entanglement interlaced
before my eyes,

                            and smile.

how does one admit that they are the problem?
how does one accept that they’re a monster?
how does one allow themselves to push away the people they wanted to stay forever?
how does one overcome the thoughts of wanting to join the angels in heaven more than wanting to stay with their angels on earth?
how does one cope?
how does one keep themselves from turning into everything they despise?
i am one.
can someone answer me?

Gemination sundered
             the pollen,

cleaved from the stalk..

              Redeemed from its
betrayal of peace..

influencing the toxic earth..

I never gave up the stars,
         hiding within your eyes...

And you shone more than anyone...

Guiding me from every nightfall
                    to the  breaching of
illumination scaring the land..

You are my falling star,
    Who I'll catch every time.