My dam is full and its about to break, it reached capacity this morning. Slowly for the past 3 months it's been filling up with emotions I never shared, my thoughts I never spoke and my actions in which I'm not sure if I should or shouldn't have done. Scared and helpless on what to do now; What is there to be done? No one to get supplies and help fix it. Do I even want to fix it? Why fix anything when theres no one that will need saving. The man who helped build this dam is working for a new girl now. As the **** breaks ill be standing on top, drinking liquor while painting pictures on my arm in red with a silver pencil.

Maybe you forgot
that love is not all about the talking
It's all about the actions

©IGMS

For some,
Death's a doorway;
For others,
It's a lid.

The walls are thin
and I can hear them
talking about me.

They don't bother to whisper,
shouting my faults
insults
teases
blaming me
for all that is wrong.

The walls are thin,
and even blasting my music
lovely lana
cannot drown out their curses.
but the walls don't really matter.

Funny,
people drive me home
and they say
they wait
to make sure I get inside safe,
but don't wait
to make sure I come out safe.
One foot in the door
and the insults come rushing
it's a battle to breath
only harsh cruel words are spoken
and my silence cannot lessen them.

Every breath I take
is deserving
of a slap in the face
and screams
inches from my heart
the air is cold
and tense
so I keep the lights off
so the only light
comes from my computer
where I can hide away
in fictional stories
and superheroes
wishing I was one of them.

The walls are thin
the walls don't matter
it's like they're not there at all
I'm always under attack
getting text messages at school
to let me know how bad I am
I have nowhere to run
nowhere to go
no place to stay
I'm stuck fighting every night
bones too weak from the fight
to get up each morning
the best I can do
is stay barely alive
seconds from tears
hoping one day
I can be liberated.

They went to school, They went to work.
I sit here alone waiting till they get home I get a text saying
"Your and idiot!! Go **** yourself."
I thought of how i already get bullied enough,
I can't take it. I get the chair and rope I hid in my closet,
I hang the rope from the ceiling fan, and make a video.
I am saying how horrible my life is and that I am just a waste of flesh,
I get up on the chair and put the rope around my neck,
I lip sync "Goodbye." as a kick the chair out from under me.
I died instantly.

The band tightens
Around my chest
And I struggle to breathe.
Tears build up
Behind my eyes
But I cannot cry.
The room closes
In upon me
But I cannot move.
He asks me
What's wrong
But I can't find the words.
Locked in a cage
Of my own design
And I've lost the key.
Let me drink myself
Into oblivion
That I may forget
Where I am
Who I am
How I am

I am enough.
I am enough.
I am enough.
I am enough.
I am enough.
With or without you,
**I am enough.

apology accepted,
trust denied.

Here it is
the poem on survival, the one you've all been waiting for
where I learned to untie the noose from my smile,
my smile from the trigger warning.
Here's your trigger warning:

I shivered when you kissed me.
I had a hard time believing my heartbeat was a good thing; had a hard time
believing the front door was still an option.
I wake up some days and remember when I used to sing bruises onto my skin,
fill up large towels with my blood,
watch it go black,
watch everything go black.
Still remained smiling;
still stood with the scars; with the ink between my teeth baring
a warning sign for whoever comes next,
for whoever wants my body without wanting my mind.
here it is
here is how i survived:

I hurt myself

I still do it just doesn't show
the scarring.
here it is baby boy come inside its about to get ugly,
you're about to see me cry,
you're about to see me shake,
you're about to find out what im really made of,
I'm about to find out if you break.

are you scared yet
this is a challenge you never step down from,
you brave boy!
you with your sword and white horse;
shining at the darkness inside of me; shining at the stench inside me ; come here,
make me feel whole.