Oh woe were I a painter, impressionist in craft
Painting pictures in emotion, instead of photograph
Because there is no color, no brush-stroke I could sweep
That could capture her, or the wonder that she keeps.

And me i wait down the weight,
of the past
by leaving my plate,
Untouched.
Instead i devour the self hate,
And compensate
for the thoughts in my head.
By pacing along a path,
that'll only lead to my death bed.

But me,
I already died inside,
Many years ago.
And my heart it may slow,
But it does not show my ability to swallow
Mouthfuls of regret at time.

And me,
I combine,
Thought and feelings,
With actions,
I have no sense of attraction,
When i stare at my reflection
That screams rejection,
And i pull out a fraction
of the person i used to be.

Because me
I am 100 pounds too heavy,
80 pounds to heavy,
Every single pound too heavy.
And this weight loss is steady,
And these burdens i carry,
With this thinking that refracts me
Prevents me the ability,
To see any positive trait, or quality,
I drown in a sea,
Of unforgivable mistakes,
I break, crack, smash
Into a thousand pieces.

And you,
You try to iron out the creases,
With therapy and weight gain,
And to you,
I am a piece of paper with a name,
And my tiny frame encompasses
Years of self blame,
Disdain.

And me,
I slip through the cracks in the earth,
As i claw and clasp for an inch of
Self worth.
I try to ride and surf
This tide,
But the feelings inside,
The thoughts in my mind,
Do not allow me to find
Acceptance anywhere.

And me i exhale rotten air,
As i stare at my past,
And i try not to feel,
But this pain is so real,
So me, i skip a meal
And refuse the next,
I filter through the net,
Stomach regret,
And maybe one day yet,
Ill be ready for freedom,
Excited and apprehensive about the person,
I have the potential to become.
But for now,
My meal is undone.

And me,
I run
in fear,
There is no life here,
No beauty near.
And the sheer idea,
That maybe,
Just maybe
A number shouldn't dictate my self worth.
Shouldn't cause me to hurt, myself
That i am worth more,
The idea of closing the door,
Too much to bare.
So in silence I'll stare,
I'll restrict and starve,
And lose my hair,
And don't tell me I don't care,
Because it'd be impossible
For me to care any more,
But can't you see
There's a fire inside of me
And Im burning at the core.

And i guess that makes me a coward, a quitter,
But i can't see anyway fitter,
And it tastes so bitter
Chewing on the past,
And the taste it lingers
And fills up my glass.

But until you've walked in my ever shrinking shoes,
Do not judge me,
Or the choices i chose,
Do not question the freedom i lose,
This body i abuse.

Do not remind me
Of the sanity i could find
For you have no clue
Of the hurricanes
That run wild within my mind.

You
Either leave
Or
Stay long enough
To
See "him" turn into
A stranger.

Oh,
boy,
I guess
I looked into your
Soul
For too long
To ever go
Back to being
"Just friends"

You
Either leave
Or
Stay long enough
To feel
Yourself fading
from "his"thoughts
Just like how
Dews evaporate
Once they see
The sun.

Oh,
Boy,
I was nothing
But a voice in your head.
And now that I've been replaced,
I wonder how long
Till i cease to be

You
either leave
Or
Stay too long
To witness
his eyes go blank
To watch him
See right through you.

Oh
Boy,
You were long gone
Even when you were
holding my hand
I knew you were
Wandering far away

You
Either leave
Or
stay long enough
To
Watch him leave.*

Oh,
Boy,
But I'm
Still holding on to you
Long after
You have let go.*

[Nothing good stays. I could never leave, so i guess that makes sense]

Not blue as the Caribbean, not the background of a rainbow. Not even blue as balloons at six year old birthday parties.

It felt as the tone in the sky you only see after monsoons, when the clouds are gray and the sea almost black. Blue as in the toothbrush he forgot when he left. Blue as his eyes in a fairy tale when he's just about to leave for someone else. Indescribable.

And although I know there's a great variety of blue's, this was not the case. Not only did it look different, it felt odd, it left you an after taste, you could sense something was off, not quite right.


And when it started raining, I couldn't tell if I was catching raindrops, or just tears.

What is it with this generation of lost souls? Do you ever just sit and think, where did we lose the part that made us whole?
Somewhere along the way, hating love and loving hate became the forefront of everything we say.

Somehow it became the generation of kids who probably won't realize they're adults until, one day, they look in the mirror and see that they're 45, still in the same pair of designer jeans and expensive shoes they could barely even afford. And the only reason they bought them was to post a picture on instagram just to get false sense of validation from people they barely even know.

We lost sight of the importance of being an advocate of self.
When we have money, that's our only weath.
What about wealth in mind, body, spirit?
This generation would rather snort lines for an out of body experience.
How sad.
The generation that will laugh watching others cry, just to fit in.
What, exactly, are you trying to fit into?
What is it really, that prevents you from being in-tune?
Why the moon isn't as interesting as that little corner of doom in a messy room, while you have no desire to bloom.

I want so badly for this generation to be better, together.
To treat one another like sister and brother -
It's time for everyone to blow their cover.
Take off the mask, they're no longer needed.
Be the future, because we are. Become what you want to be seeded.
It's okay to cry or to ask for help. Put your pride aside, go inside to find that real wealth.
I challenge you to be better.
Look yourself In the mirror and surrender.
I wish you love and peace through all of your endeavors.

Love.
- L.G.

you always complained
that you were a dandelion
in a garden of roses,
a pest, a **** --
something unlovable.

and maybe you weren't perfect.
maybe you were a bit
rough around the edges
with a crack
here or there.
maybe your seams had come undone
and, if you still insist on being a flower,
maybe you had lost a petal or two.

but what you failed to realize
is that every rose
has thorns.

so maybe they didn't have
as many cracks as you,
as many tears as you,
as many rough edges
as you did,
but god,
they were nowhere near as pure,
nowhere near as lovely
as you were.

we wish on dandelions, dear,
because we trust them.
nobody's ever wished
on a rose,
now have they?
no.
they're too afraid
they'll get pricked,
stabbed,
betrayed.

so maybe you were
the dandelion
hidden in a garden of roses.
maybe you were the outcast,
the misfit,
the odd one out.
maybe you were just a little bit unloved,
and unfairly forgotten.

but what you failed to realize
is that i would have gladly picked you
over the brightest rose
in that silly little garden.

(a.m.)