I took a step into my pained world
and notice everything has swirled
The buildings standing sternly now,
seem to be upside down
The blackness grows through my vision,
and everything misses precision
It seems everything is in slow motion
and I swear I can smell the ocean
I collapse into the ground,
and I notice my head starts to pound
I feel tears stream down my face,
I close my eyes and everything erased.

"I'll let you in on a secret.
Will you promise to keep it?"

He is...

The allegro of every moment's decresendo.
The sense of deja vù, in a series de novo.
The lyrics of my song,
The right to my wrong.
The notes in my music,
The wisdom in what i believe.
The reminders on my board,
The message of these words.
The image in a scenery,
The metaphors of my poetry.
The giggle in my laugh,
The memories of my photographs.
The smile in my tears,
The courage to face my fears.
The North star in my sky.
The only truth in all the world lies.
The flame of my fire.
Every second of my hours,
My very reason for living.
The secret i held inside my heart.
Secured away.
Secluded.
His presence--
Justify my existence.


*(Don't tell him, what he doesn't know or he might...)

I'm sorry that I'm
not good enough for you.
I'm sorry that I don't
satisfy you like she does.
I'm sorry that I have
feelings and issues.
I'm sorry that
I'm not the prettiest thing in skin.
I'm sorry that I
"don't fit your image".
I'm sorry that I
don't have the best body.
I'm sorry I even
let your negative opinions effect me.

You are the light
That hides below the horizon
I await humbly for your rays
To illuminate this darkened season

You are the beacon
That would build me anew
Equip me with newfound notions
When dreams and hopes are far and few

You are the air
Of a fresh new start
Allowing this body another chance
At retrieving a brand new heart

You are the opportunity
Held my breath for far too long
Soon be granted to live again
And choose the right from the wrong

You are the day
Like many have too often said
Due to arrive after tonight
And embrace me as I laid in bed

You are the tomorrow
The promise of my brand new day
But there have been many tomorrows
That have come and gone away

You are my tomorrow
My future, bearing much needed balm
Maybe tomorrow I may finally realise
**That you would never ever come

Her soul is made of
scattered glass and broken spirits.
Her flesh is pockmarked
with bruises and cuts.
Her face radiates with
agony and despair.
Tears shine
like freshly polished crystals
Mouth frozen open.
Cannot move, cannot
reach the blessed silence.
Of which fragments of me
try fruitlessly to
Hide in, to give in to
cowardice.

I feel so alone

Since you left
Nowhere feels like home
You left me abandoned
Without shelter

With no place to go
Like a tree without its roots
And a sky without stars
Like a mind without a thought
And a heart without a soul

Since you left
My lungs are filled
With water
And although i cant breathe
I've always loved the feel
Of ocean breeze.

the last time I shared about my affair,
i spoke of the end.
yet here we are again.

the devil,
so loving
so cunning
so addictive
so noxious.

for a moment,
i found myself no longer feeling affection for him.
no longer wanting to attend to his every want & need.
no longer caring whether or not he noticed my absence.
'I hate him and if I see him, I swear I'll tell him that.'
lies.
all. lies.

i knew he was ruinous, detrimental to my health.
however..
to my heart, he was the universe.
to my body, he was the crème de la crème.
to my soul, he was all i craved.

but to my mind..
he was poison.
infecting my thoughts daily..
every second of the day.
yet i still played it cool and kept my distance.

one day, it hit me.
like a baseball was pitched at 90 miles per hour
aimed right at my head.
and then i missed him.

i missed his smile,
his laugh,
his voice,
his smell,
his touch.

i missed the way we ******.
the way he never failed to make me ****** a thousand times.
the undeniable skinship we shared.

i missed his mind.
a never-ending labyrinth that i had no problem getting lost in.
a dark yet beautiful & comfortable place.

i knew that reconciliation was an option.
but as usual,
my mind & heart could not concur.

ultimately,
it was what i wanted.
and so it was.

unsurprisingly,
he accepted me with open arms.
'I miss you too baby.'
sigh. he knew it was inevitable too.

he isn't all bad.
he isn't all good either though.
after all, he is still the devil.
and i am hopelessly & irrevocably  in love  with him.

[r.r.r.w]