Sorry! Pocket dial!
It's been a crazy Christmas season!
Never a dull moment
and never without a drama.
Strength doesn't come by on its own,
it requires training i suppose.

Have a beautiful day today
where you can really smell the crisp air,
look at the garden and the trees
doing their best everyday come what may,

see the wonderous sky and notice
the potential for peace and joy
the way your father appreciated
the very important things in life
that we often miss...

We can learn so much and appreciate so much
when we are given the time to reflect on the past
and dream into our future.

The answer is yes.

It will be more than okay,
It will be better and you will be stronger, wiser and more loving than you dreamed,
The answer is yes
I hear you
Yes, the answer is yes
Sing a song in your heart,
sometimes you pick,
other times life wants its soundtrack.

What ever the case,
sing your troubles away,
sing your joys out loud
A song is a prayer
And a prayer is a conscious action to begin moving to a better place
In connection with the kosmos
Everything is with us all the time,
we cannot separate ourselves from any of it;
not what we see or don't even know about,

We  just move through it in different ways together. Even when we feel alone we are still all moving in it together,

always.

sometimes its as simple as  remembering to reach out with a prayer
and breathe in the answer
❤

All.
Not one but all,
No true hate was ever born
without love abandoned,
rejected, abused, or scorned
Love is every positive and negative
facet of emotion
Divine and literal

Its wealth disguised by its true name -

Agapi.

Without this blind fumbling fool
We are of no use, no consequence,
no matter.
Where there is no love,
there is no existence
Only inertia.

Your deepest hate
is your deepest love in reverse
these can never be separated;
except by degrees.
like a galactic elastic band;
as far as you go for one,
you will enviably be flung to the other.
That's how energy survives,
it changes form but never dies
and life is love in all its forms

And

You are its expression devine

The grass was overgrown,
And stubbornly fought
Against the clean sheet we layed
On it.
I made you paint,
And the floating haze in the air
Stung my eyes.

I knew something was wrong,
We all did.
We saw your emotions
Doing backflips
And pirouettes.
We saw your sleep
Running away from you,
We saw the music clouding up
Your thoughts
So they couldn't hurt you.

But none of us knew
How wrong it was.

I took two terra-cotta
Flower pots
In hand,
And declared it a lovely day.
You deemed it dismal.
I waltzed into the yard,
With bottles of bright paint,
And soft brushes.
I made you sit
In the oppressive sunshine,
With insects
Whizzing around our ears
To paint flower pots.

On a long dog walk at midnight,
You finally told me half of the truth.
That you were having problems.

The grass was still lively
And springy,
It was after the drought.
You dribbled paint
In pretty patterns,
And I tried to convince myself
This was good for you.

It was the small early hours
Of the morning,
Lit with fairy lights,
And your humidifier
Puffing in the corner,
That you told me the whole truth.

You had given yourself until September.

Printed an expiration date
On your forehead.
And I wish I could say
In that moment I knew what to do.

It's been a while now,
I'd like to think
I don't have to worry anymore,
But I do.
So in case I should,
I love you.

I love you,
And I promise to never make you
Sit in the sun
And paint again.

In love with the ghost  of yesterday
dreamlike memories bathed in warmth and delight
covert missions of rendezvous
pinprick tensions suspended over danger
adrenalin highs of loves' riskè adventures
A closeness with the propensity to lose ourselves in each other
Always only one moment away from complete immersion in rapture
enveloped by you,
you invaded my senses in such an effortless way
You felt so natural, almost worn into me  
yet, you pulled away, distracted by some other passing fancy
and I waited till I had to move
you were never here, in the moment I'm stuck in, for more than a flutter,
and against my better senses
I still believe you to be all you were and more
but you were only ever nearly all in
and my heart refuses to listen

my soul, it goes by another story
spanning the tenements of time immortal
it takes no heed of blubbering flesh
it is merely a host for the tortures of love;
and I,
its conscious expression

°°°°

The heat of your soft breath,
leaves a warmth that makes my skin pine for you
Every hair standing on air charged with desire
Finger tips lace curves and edges
I'm desperately afraid to lose touch
Magnatised hips follow Arching up to meet your designs
Eyes locked suspended in time
Youre on my frequency
reading every thought,
Unlocked.
Confessions tumble helplessly
Every wish,
Every hope
Every intricate design ive held for us
nothing but surrender
Every wall vapourised

°°°°

Souls exposed mingling through eachother
Light danced us through aeons of memories
I tore up every star to find you
Kissing the footprints I followed as markers
You saw it all
Every desperation
Every hopless call
Endless pits of lamentation
A Tortured seperation
A pain to rival all pain
And still it wasnt enough
To forgive me.

°°°°

You stood one moment longer than the last time  
i almost felt you let me in
I clung desperately to the cliffs of hope
As you picked away my fingers
And blew me a kiss before the fall.

°°°°

A shattering thud was the door of your heart
Closing upon my breaking.