So there you are again,
and you say you'll always be right there,
Oh, baby, you say you aren't trying to love me,
You must have gone crazy,
To keep me around,
Knowing I'm batshit,
Stinking flailing,
all over you,
You are the mountain,
I have to climb,
The light that only I can find,
The sight that warms me up,
The fright that tears me down,
I won't let my life be for naught,
I won't let you be there, alone,
Forgot.
You can't let me out,
But I've gone so much,
It's scary to let me in.
I know, I know,
I'm not worthy, yet still,
Dearest, oh heavenly creation,
Oh muse, I'm listening,
To whatever music you send my way,
I'll only fall for you, Off my perch of isolation,
You've always been,
My only one,
My other half,
My kindred soul,
Again, and again, and again,
You've always understood me,
Read me like a book you wrote yourself,
So deeply profound,
So riveting,
Shaking me down,
Shake me all down,
And sweep me away,
Again.
I'm never leaving,
I'm  never giving up,
it will take me forever,
To earn your heart but,
Amanda my love, my dear,
I won't say it first,
I won't kiss you first,
I won't run my hands through your hair,
I won't grab you closely, hold you tightly,
As if you Must never go,
Until you say,
"I'm yours, again,"

You are like a ghost,
Haunting me, waking, dreaming,
****, woman, It is you that makes my heart,
go beating off into the wilds,
randomly, fleeting,
Screeching, and into my gut,
where the butterflies are singing,
I can't get you out, of my blood,
my worthless pulse that wont stop beating,
Its discreet and it makes me think,
If I had it over again, I wouldn't be leaving,
Not ever, not if you were cutting my very
Organs our from under my being,
Till I bled out and died, with your eyes on mine,
Cuz I've left you a thousand times, scared of what,
You could be reading, into my scars, and my flaws,
My ticks, and my insecurities, they talk,
Like little green men to crazy men,
Oh I'm insane and my depression is carrying me therein,
And no death is gruesome enough to be worse than,
A life alone, without you in it,
Its melodramtic, I know,
I have no one to confide upon so,
I'll tell it all to my pen,
Worthless strokes, full of worthless thoughts,
To convey meaningless feelings,
Oh insanity, thou art the love I feel,
I'd give it all up, oh I'd sell my soul,
I'd let loose my demons, and I'd carry your hell,
I'd fight god himself, I'd cry in public,
Just end it all, stop flaunting your sickeningly
Pretty face, your gorgeous smile, your pretty brown eyes,
That *** that are all my hands remember,
The fear I felt then as if I was in the presence of the 8th world wonder,
I can't get it out, not when your here, and I look so weak,
If I send you out, and I think twice in the mirror,
The closer you get, maybe one day then,
I'll get one more chance, And,
I wont lose you, Again.

I come from darkness
And such as a moth
Beating itself
To death
Against a flame,
In your arms, I burn
Just the same.


F.Z.N

Stampede of fragments barraged
Through flames of remorse
Constantly denying truth
The pain in my heart dying for blood
Blood of courage with eminent power
Streaming through the veins
Pumping ardor beats of fervor
"I want to be myself again"

With trembling heart I approach
in search of that which you so ardently seek
knowing somehow that this remorse
of the stampede of fragments barraged
of which you so fervently speak
will only lead you to more intense pain--
but if you will allow me to,
I will help you find your true inner self again...

I have sinned, slaughtered the innocent
Their minds are no longer theirs
I created monsters eating monsters
Hatred augmented to decree misery
It's too late to change
So many lives I've hurt
Don't waste your time on me

But you have to know this from my own heart:
though you've done so much wrong
it's never too late** to make a new start--
throw out your miserable, uncaring, heartless ways
and look to me to help you
to find fulfilment in living better days
by turning from the evil that clutches your soul
Hand in hand, we can do this together
Let me give, teach, share with you what I have come to know...

Friendship is the door
That holds the kite
Kite can't fly without door
Without kite door is nothing

Though your hand pulled the trigger,
You tied your own noose,
You emptied the bottle's contents into your hands,
You jumped and finally let loose,

Your hand could have been held,
Your voice could have been heard.
Your tears could have been wiped away,
Your demons could have been cured.

They say suicide is selfish,
At one's own will and action.
Why is it that until after the fact,
We finally give a reaction?

Life should be cherished
While still around.
Don't tell me some don't speak up,
Don't tell me they never made a sound.

We're all fighting battles
Day in and day out,
And in my heart of hearts,
These people didn't **** themselves on their own; I have no doubts.

Controversial and complicated,
Evoking and deep,
Taking your own life
Is not a solo leap

Into the unknown of death,
Afterlife and reincarnation;
It's a leap that's sometimes aided,
A path that's prepaved towards life's suffocation.

Yes, suicide is a solo act
Done on your own,
And reasons why people choose this fate
Will sometimes be left unknown.

Don't be a force behind a trigger though,
A force behind tying a rope;
Be a force of empathy and compassion,
A force of inspiring hope.

We can't save the world,
Or all the lost souls.
We can save our own actions though,
And keep in mind what we ought to always know;

You never truly know
What people are enduring,
What people are hiding,
Why people are hurting.

You never truly know
Who needs a simple smile or a grand gesture-
Whoever you help though,
Will always remember.

Therefore, with clichés aside
And pessimistic notions unheard
Please love and be kind and listen;
Their abilities to save and set free are one of the only things in this world I am assured.

We leave marks upon this world,
Without our consent and sometimes our conscious thought.
So try to leave behind marks that inspire and grow,
Marks that in the best light, cannot be forgot.

Though you pulled the trigger
And tied your own noose,
I wish you knew that path wasn't made for you,
And that will forever remain the truth.

I wish you knew that you weren't alone,
Even in your darkest hour.
I wish you knew that pulling that trigger
Didn't give you all the control and power-

It took a life worth living,
A soul worth saving and repairing.
It took your whole life to make it to that point,
And seconds to leave us all despairing

For closure, reason and hindsight
As to why you didn't reach for aid.
But even more so,
Why our own arms, now shaking by our sides, heartwrenchingly stayed.